How Jeff the Killer Fucked Up Christmas: Difference between revisions

Nobody quite knows the reason. Maybe it’sit's that his ass wasn’twasn't screwed on just right. Or maybe it’sit's because his pussy was just too tight. But I think that the most likely of them all was that he was pissed because his cock was two sizes too small.

He fucking bitched with a sneer, “it’s"it's December 20th, Christmas is practically here, I must stop it from happening or every kid and adult will play with their new toys bright and early, oh the noise, if there’sthere's one thing I hate, it’sit's all the fucking noise.”"

“They’ll"They'll be skating with dick sucking machines on their feet, they’llthey'll be reading out loud the book, ‘Why'Why Bombs Are Really Neat’Neat', and they’llthey'll feast, and they’llthey'll eat, they’llthey'll treat themselves to Common-Shitz-Pudding and Rare-Fucks-Beef, oh Rare-Fucks-Beef is a feast I can’tcan't stand the least,”" Jeff the Killer said like a maniac.

“And"And what I hate most is after the feast, every FucksShitz, the midgets and the giants, will come together, spending the rest of the day singing and singing,”" Jeff whined. The more Jeff the Killer thought about the holiday, the more he thought, “I"I must put a stop to this madness, I’veI've put up with it for 32, almost 33, years, I must try to stop it, but how?”"

Jeff snuck into the town on Christmas Eve, and he started stealing all the fucking presents. He took everything from the littlest toys to the biggest Christmas trees. He didn’tdidn't even leave a crumb that’sthat's too small for even bacteria to eat. Jeff was on a fucking mission to destroy the holiday, and he was succeeding.

While he was stealing all the shit, a song played, “you’re"you're a bastard, Mr. Jeff,”" the signer said. “You"You really are a bitch, you’reyou're as cuddly as a tampon, you’reyou're as charming as a micropenis, Mr. Jeff, you’reyou're more of a jackass than a donkey who ate a horse’shorse's cock,”" they continued.

“You’re"You're a dickhead, with termites on your ass, you have all the sourness of a rotten lemon pie, Mr. Jeff, given the choice of you guys, I’dI'd choose the rotten pie,”" the song sang.

“You’re"You're a bastard, Jeff the Killer, your heart’sheart's a black hole, your shits are filled with spiders, you have garlic in your brain, Mr. Jeff, I wouldn’twouldn't wanna touch with a forty-five foot pole,”" the singer stated.

“You’re"You're a nasty bitch, Jeff, you’reyou're freakier than an eight-armed human, your face is paler than snow, your soul’ssoul's filled with blood, Jeff the Killer, you’reyou're worse than a triple threat dictator, serial killer, and cultist,”" the song continued.

“You’re"You're a bastard, Mr. Jeff, you’reyou're hell’shell's king of the 7 deadly sins, your heart’sheart's a rotten tomato splotched with mold and shit, your soul is the most unappealing dump truck overflowing with the ugliest collection of unwashed rubbish that reproduces more than cells imaginable, Mr. Bastard,”" the badass song played.

“You’re"You're a nauseous spider, Jeff the Killer, you’reyou're more unattractive than cardiac arrest and heart attacks combined, you’reyou're a crooked little bastard, with a hunchback as your horse, Mr. Jeff, or in simple person talk, the three best words to describe you are, let’slet's see, bitch, bastard, and dickhead,”" the song finished, as Jeff finished stealing shit.

Jeff didn't want to listen, but the mayor kept talking. He told Jeff that Christmas was about fucking love and kindness, and that he could be part of that too. Jeff didn't believe him, but he saw the sincerity in the mayor's fucking eyes. Jeff didn’tdidn't care, and continued laughing his ass off.

Sally thanked Jeff and gave him a fucking hug. Jeff felt something he had never felt before - happiness. He didn't want to ruin Christmas for anyone anymore, he wanted to be part of it. Jeff’sJeff's cock had grown three sizes that day.