I Doubt You Want to Hear

I doubt you want to hear about

The Tome I found in my attic

How I read a few words, and

Now my dog’s acting erratic.

I doubt you want to hear about

The strange noises under my bed.

How a hand taps at my window,

All gooey and bloody red.

I doubt you want to hear about

The giant ants raiding my fridge.

How they stole most my food

And ate my parakeet Midge.

I doubt you want to hear about

A visiting cat with a fiery tail.

How it set fire to my room

And drop down blazing hail.

I doubt you want to hear about

The red eyes glowing in my closet.

How blue mice with green tails

Stole my gold coins and locket.

I doubt you want to hear about

The monsters infesting my sock drawers.

How they track mud and dirt

All over my nice clean floors.

I doubt you want to hear about

The witch that crawls up my kitchen drain.

How she threatens to turn me

Inside out and steal away my brain.

I doubt you want to hear about

The latest predicament I’m in,

Involving a tall, faceless guy

And a kid with a grin.

You think the things I willingly tell

Are so very phony, Unlike your favorite show

Which is My Little Pony.

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