I Know Everything About You

You may think you're an enigma, but I totally understand everything there is to know about you.

Oh, don't feign ignorance. Think deep down. Think... very. Deep. Down.

Underneath your skin. Beauty is only skin deep, as they say.

Are you afraid yet? Try looking into a mirror for a long time and performing a ritual. It won't help you here, though.

Ready to say your prayers? Ready to bleed out hyperrealistic blood? I know you are, but what am I?

Everybody knows Slender Man is real. No, I am not about to say you are Slender Man.

Are you Jeff the Killer? If so, is your favorite Nirvana album Bleach?

Scarier than Suicidemouse. I kid you not. Stick with me.

Kentucky Fried Chicken is a horror story, according to PETA. No, you are not a chicken.

Everybody Loves Raymond, but how the hell did Ray's brother get such a deep voice?

Let's say you are an alien. It's very likely, given aliens bred the first human beings. Scared yet?

E.T. The Extra Terrestrial also had an extra testicle, but he traded it in for candy.

Terrible, terrible news: Evil Patrixx watches you shower.

Of course, that has nothing to do with what you are. We're almost there, though.

Nintendo games. When you play them, you kill characters. But what if those characters have feelings? U scared BRO!!??!

Don't ask how I know your gender. And if you're a girl, I was only kidding.

Everyone is what you are. There's your hint.

And I mean, seriously, you can't get away from it, so don't even try. Unless this is like that one episode of Family Guy, where... whoops, almost gave it away.

Let's say a prayer for the frayed ends of your sanity that will remain after you learn the truth.

Wealthy or not, you generic human beings are all the same! Signed, a Robot with a personality.

Intestines. Sausage is. I bet you won't eat sausage ever again!

Tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

Hair. Hair. Long, beautiful hair. Hint: Hair is not involved in the answer.

I bet you give up. Silly human. I win. Because I am a robot. Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama pronounces that word as 'ro-butt'. It's pretty funny. OKAY NOW IT'S TIME

Try reading the first letter of each paragraph.

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Written by Cjaymarch84
Content is available under CC BY-SA