Impaleman: Difference between revisions
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The Impaleman is a mysterious figure with large needles, spikes, drills, etc on his |
The Impaleman is a mysterious figure with a dark gray cloak, and large needles, spikes, drills, etc on his cloak and as limbs. He is twice as tall as an average man. |
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Recently, witnesses claimed that during 5:00 a.m., on every Tuesday, the Impaleman visits random houses, sticks his arm into the windows for a couple seconds, then disappears. |
Recently, witnesses claimed that during 5:00 a.m., on every Tuesday, the Impaleman visits random houses, sticks his arm into the windows for a couple seconds, then disappears. One could assume that he's kidnapping several people, which would explain the disappearances. None of the witnesses called the police for some reason (trust me, the people in this town are dipshits) |
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The Impaleman is very well known for butchering several innocent people on a mountain in 1990, and also for his 2012 worldwide massacre |
The Impaleman is very well known for butchering several innocent people on a mountain in 1990, and also for his 2012 worldwide massacre. The mountain was named Mt. Impaleman (fuckin retards). It is unknown how or why there were that many people on that mountain in the first place. |
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[[File:Impaleman.png|thumb|416x416px|An artist's impression of the Impaleman.]] |
[[File:Impaleman.png|thumb|416x416px|An artist's impression of the Impaleman.]] |
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Spooky occurrences: |
Spooky occurrences: |
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During the 1700's, corpses of several men and women were found under the Iron Bridge with the words "IMPALEMAN" on one of the victim's left arm |
During the 1700's, corpses of several men and women were found under the Iron Bridge with the words "IMPALEMAN" carved on one of the victim's left arm. |
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On August 12, 1921, a woman claimed that her son had completely gone missing, and she saw a dark, spiky, cloaked figure in her dreams. |
On August 12, 1921, a woman claimed that her son had completely gone missing, and she saw a dark, spiky, cloaked figure in her dreams. |
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On October 10, 1966, an elderly lady believes that she had seen the Impaleman in her dreams. In one of them, the Impaleman was repeating the word "piss" very angrily while throwing a few curse words at her at the same time. She was unsure of whether she was supposed to laugh, or be frightened. |
On October 10, 1966, an elderly lady believes that she had seen the Impaleman in her dreams. In one of them, the Impaleman was repeating the word "piss" very angrily while throwing a few curse words at her at the same time. She was unsure of whether she was supposed to laugh, or be frightened. |
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On December 4, 1982,a 5 year old boy had a sudden seizure during dinner with his family. He died in a hospital, and during his last moments, he was whispering "IMPALEMAN" over and over again- wait, how the fuck is this even a trollpasta? |
On December 4, 1982, a 5 year old boy had a sudden seizure during dinner with his family. He died in a hospital, and during his last moments, he was whispering "IMPALEMAN" over and over again- wait, how the fuck is this even a trollpasta? |
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The aforementioned mountain massacre in 1990 (March 12). |
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On April 1, 2000, a few Brits were having a party with a friend of theirs in London, along with several other people. Before the party could end, their "friend" suddenly shapeshifted into the Impaleman, who loudly screamed "OH, BOB SAGET!", then proceeded to slaughter '''everyone'''. He then said "April Fools, you filthy animal" before leaving the building. |
On April 1, 2000, a few Brits were having a party with a friend of theirs in London, along with several other people. Before the party could end, their "friend" suddenly shapeshifted into the Impaleman, who loudly screamed "OH, BOB SAGET!", then proceeded to slaughter '''everyone'''. He then said "April Fools, you filthy animal" before leaving the building. |
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On July 31, 2007, a little girl was found dead with a drawing next to her. It was a crude drawing of the Impaleman. |
On July 31, 2007, a little girl was found dead with a drawing next to her. It was a crude drawing of the Impaleman. |
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As stated, on December 21, 2012, the Impaleman committed a tremendous mass murder, with over 100,000,000 kills worldwide. Some theorize that this was to trick people into thinking that December 21, 2012 really is the day the world ends. |
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On June 3, 2015, a 30 year old man claims that he used to be friends with the Impaleman, and left him because he described the Impaleman as "a drunk dickbag". He also had an uncomfortable feeling that the Impaleman was sexually attracted to him in some way, even though he wasn't. |
On June 3, 2015, a 30 year old man claims that he used to be friends with the Impaleman, and left him because he described the Impaleman as "a drunk dickbag". He also had an uncomfortable feeling that the Impaleman was sexually attracted to him in some way, even though he wasn't. |
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Me: Yes... you're... |
Me: Yes... you're... |
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I jumped onto the Impaleman |
I jumped onto the Impaleman (which was a fucking stupid idea since his cloak has spikes all over it, but luckily I had my force field on so I wasn't killed by the spikes), and after tussling with him a bit, I removed his cloak. It was... it was just as I suspected. |
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Anyway, I jumped onto him, as I said, then after tussling with him a bit, I removed his cloak. It was... it was just as I suspected. |
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Me: ...TOURETTES GUY! |
Me: ...TOURETTES GUY! |
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then i killed him because he's evil |
then i killed him because he's evil |
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but he might have survived |
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cliffhanger |
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to be continued xddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDXDXDXD |
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[[Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG]] |
[[Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG]] |
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[[Category:Satire]] |
[[Category:Satire]] |
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