Jeff the Killer Goes to Jurassic World: Difference between revisions
Jeff the Killer Goes to Jurassic World (view source)
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Jeff had been hiding out in the chaotic and catatonic third world violent nation country known as Mexico, his violent skill and philosophy of the knife earned him an infamous reputation amongst the already and ever increasingly violent criminal underworld of chainsaw-wielding cartels and gangs. Heck, he frequently appeared as an executioner in many of their snuff films where he'd decapitate people as an intimidating warning easily recognizable by his pail complection and self-inflicted facial carvings. They called him what translates to "The White Jackolantern". Such errands in term increase his already infamous infamy and gained a sizeable cash wad which he mostly blue on cocaine and tequila and
However after doing the same old shit for decades to years the spark started to wane and Flickr. As he gazes over the sinking Mexican city of Mexico City from the top of the Pyramid of the Moon in Teotihuacán with still beating heart in his hand he thinks: "So this agent the Federal Bureau of Idiots or Fucking Big Idiots sent after the almighty me is just a spic and a mick: John George Sullivan. I'm disappointed he hasn't bled lucky charms and I can't find his pot of gold. Bummer. I guess he was telling the truth as I carved him like a nutcracker pumpkin". He tosses the permanent smile-carved head up and down like a baseball whilst chuckling: "You're beautiful know like me or the slit mouth woman". He turns around to another agent. He is tied up, gagged and drenched in petrol, similarly to a sacrifice of Azteca. His ears and nose have been amputated. "Mark Estavez. You're no piñata. Am disappointed" he scolded at the begging agent. "It was fun getting Smiledoge.jpeg to gnaw your dick off as I pumped you up with adrenaline. I didn't want you dying on me as I torture you. Mwahahaha!". After pondering briefly and stumbling, Jeff concludes the fate. "Say hello to Johnny for me" he says as he huffs his marijuana joint before dropping it on a line of petrol that quickly turns Mark into a human torch.
"Mexico really is the pits. The SPAIN without the S" he chuckled to himself as he leaned back with a bottle of cactus liquorish in Mexican cloths. His smile falls to a sighingly shrug. "You know wha, having plenty of people to kill and getting paid sometimes in drugs to do it while being filmed in the spotlight for the silver screen Grammies is fuckin' fun as fuckin' shit but I need me a fresh fuckin' break--an adventure". Snicker. "I fuckin' feel like one o' em' Aztecs
Jeff crosses the border into Costa Rica and for good reason. The gang he frequently associated with and who's logo he got as an ass tattoo was loosing a two side conflict in the south with rival gangs and
Jeff turns and saw a dying mother Apatosaurus. "Holy fucking shit it's a dinosaur. Jesus Christ what the fuck! I would prefer Spino though!". It had gaping wounds showed with pancreas intestines and stomach spilled over the bloody grass. "You remind me of Janety". As he caressed its dying corpse he saw its dead offspring. Most of them were mutilated in two or decapitated yet still twitching. It hit him. "I fed up with this world! I just want to go to sleep". A tear almost formed as he gazed upon the sole surviving sauropodlet. An Onitholestes ate the baby and tore its head off to which Jeff chuckled. "You're like one those shitheads koyukkuri. Lol".
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Jeff was following the footsteps but couldn't find the monster despit the beeping sound. "Where the fuck are you, coward? Ima call you Invisible Indie". Suddenly four red and blue 'Velociraptors' jumped out of the tall grass. "You're no Velociraptors. Just featherless Deinonychus chimera". They were jumping at a large figure hiding near a tree. It was the Indominus Rex. "Clever girl" Jeff said. "You found Invisible Indie". Jeff cheerfully observed the 'Velociraptors' battle Indo 4v1. "You remind me of that fucklechuck of a bloke Randy Hayden who I suckerpunched the living shit out of with his fuckin' stupid skateboard". Indorex tore apart one of the raptors; its corpse shreaded in to. It then knocks one into a swamp lake nearby with a swipe of one of its powerful forearms. A large Deinosuchus snatched it and proceeded to death roll it to death. Jeff sees rex. "You remind me of Slendy and by extension meself with that fine pale white skin". Another raptor managed to sink its claws into Irex's neck, but it is futile: the quills had injured the feet and the indo snatched it with its mouth and tossed it at a Kentrosaurus skeleton, which fatally impales the small therapod, with a large shoulder spike piercing the abdomen. Fearing loss, the last dromeasurid: a small female of a blue hue, ran for the hills. "Chicken! Come back you bitch! Pale Face isn't that hardcore!". Indo didn't notice the little fellow but faced directly at Jeff, who was stuck under a banana leaf. "Fuck, I'm not ready!". The IREX charged and swiped Jeff fifty meters into the air. "Yippee! It's like flying in the sky!!". Jeff then crashed hard onto the quilled back of the Indo. "OUGHH!!!! Me fuckin' nads!!!!" he yelped. Jeff jumped up onto Indo's scaly neck. "Not so fuckin' fast yah funky-toothed oversized chameleon child of Silver the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog '06!! I need to tuck you into sleep!!". Jeff hung on as the Indo jerkes and shaked about like a large scaly rodeo bull. "Yippee!!". Grabbing the quills, Jeff ascended the neck and made it to the beast's head. Jeff stabbed the great hybrid beast in the eye. "Like that little bitch, if you've got invisible powers then were on equal terms now. Nothing personal Sonichameleon". The Indo-X swiped at his leg, giving a gash. "OWWWW!!!". Just ass Jeff was about to lose grip and slide into the Jaws of definitive death, he sees the beast's teeth. "That's a lot of nice teeth you've got, grandma Gex the ghey gecko". Suddenly the water shaked in one of Indo's muddy footprints. A Tyrannosaurus Rex charges out of the bamboo and headbutted the Indo. "I'll call ya Randal no Randinab because you remind of that little punk lad that tried to mug me and me brother". The Indominus Rex snarls at Jeff. "Die chimera! You don't belong in this world! Your only slightly more a mutant hybrid than the rest of the 'dinosaurs' here!".
Jeff seized the opportunity to climb up and slid down its back and off its tail. "Yababadaba doooo! I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!". He landed onto an derelict abandoned electric fence that spiked his hair like Shaggy's scared hair in Scooby doo, where are you?. The force causes him to fly into a coconut tree, causing one to fall on his head. "You've charged me
A volcano erupted. "Looks like the Armageddon of Dante's Peak. I wasn't prepared for a barbecue". Jeff got a rusty towel rack and jumped onto the I-rex. "Die you dinosaur dick!". Lava erupts and burns the two, who scream and roar in pain. In a scene reminiscent of Jason Statham in The Meg (2018), he lunged into its back and slid down the ribcage, tearing into the internal organs as he drag down the tetanus rod. "Yah like that scaly. I learnt that from me pal Jason who stared in great films like Crank and In the Name of the King: Uwe Boll's magnum opus. Now would you kindly just go the fuck to sleep. Your already dead, bitch. Go to sleep. Hastala vista, baby" Jeff epilogued as the hybrid therapod balances but loses control causing it falls into the lava like King Bowser. "Mario Mario ain't got shit on me" Jeff smirked as he walks off into the sunset bloody knife in hand. "C'mon Blue. Let's go home". The lava had burned his hair the darkest possible shade of black. Jeff slips but manages to lean centimeters away from flowing vicious lava. "I'm so smooth like the king!".
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