Jessie: The Lost Episode: Difference between revisions

Good lord. That song was fucking awful. It sounded like if Linkin Park had the vocal chords of a dying whale. After that shocking display which I refuse to call "music", the episode truly started. It showed Emma (the stereotypical dumbass blonde girl) trying to kill Zuri (the stereotypical token black girl) with her friends. "Aw hell naw," Zuri said while being gagged by a watermelon, "Why you keepin' me out this bitch?" "Didn't you read the sign? 'Humans only'." Really, Disney Channel? A racism joke? Never thought you'd go deeper below rock bottom. I swear, this is turning into a Family Guy episode. Emma then repeatedly whipped Zuri with a whip engulfed in blue flames. The screaming wasn't fake or mediocre. Surprisingly like many other things in this episode, it was hyper realistic. The screen went black for 0.912 seconds, like they didn't have enough time to screen wipe or fade out. It cut to Luke (the dumb one who relies on grossout humor like farts) whipping Ravi (the stereotypical Indian kid) like a slave. Then Luke screamed as his eyes became bloodshot, and his freckles grew black tentacles overcoming his body. Pretty soon he became nothing but a black humanoid figure, and struggled into the kitchen to get some pizza rolls. Suddenly, Leonardo diCaprio appeared and shot the monster. "Andrew Jackson was a cannibal! Beware the sheep!" the monster shrieked before falling to the floor dead. The screen once again cut to black for 6.308251 seconds, cutting to Emma and her friends watching Disney sitcoms. "Those are way better than those shitty cartoons", Emma said. Then this red-headed girl named Tansay, which no sane person would never think would be an OK name, then flicked Emma's neck, and, you guessed it, HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD poured out. I'll assume this will be a running theme in this episode. The screen went red for 94.372815632 seconds, and then it showed Emma and Tansay gorging on flesh, as if this was "Too Many Cooks". Then Tansay gained hyper-realistic red eyes as she watched the teens worship a golden statue of her on top of Mickey's corpse. Real subtle. The girls started to list down deadly sins, while an etched out drawing of Bill Cipher was lurking in the background. Then, Jessie finally rushed in to Tansay, holding up a crucifix and saying, "The power of Christ compels you!" over and over. Then Tansay's skin began to peel and rot, like that one scene in Black Cauldron where the horny guy gets sucked off. The new form Tansay took was a skeletal demon similar to the Lamb boss from Five Nights at Fuckboy's 3. Right behind her was Hitler! Jessie pulled at a gun and shot Hitler in the ass. Then the Fuhrer rushed to the bathroom to take a painful shit. Tansay then threw Jessie around like a ragdoll, and cracked her skull, making her brains leak out. This is so fucking edgy and it's PAINFUL for me to write this shit down. Then Tansay looked me straight in the eyes and told me "You're next". I took the TV, and smashed it with a hammer. I would never watch Disney Channel ever again, because Disney XD is better.