Mike Matei NES: Difference between revisions

 

{{AN|This is not hating on Mike Matei. I actually enjoy him in James' videos. This is just for jokes, and not meant to be taken seriously. Thanks.}}

 

Being an 80's kid was the best. We had nothing but cheesy one- liner action movies, long haired dudes rocking out, and best of all, we had the Nintendo Entertainment System, better known as the NES. One of the people which some younger generations are watching, have also found out about the NES through watching videos from Cinemassacre. The main owner of this channel was James Rolfe, but there was also a friend of James', and that friend is Mike Matei. I myself was one of the few fans of his reviews, even though I rather much prefered James. One day though, my love for the NES, and Cinemassacre were changed on a strange day.

 

I got home from work one day, I was so stressed out; I needed something to relieve my stress levels. I remembered about my old NES, and proceeded to look for it. I went to my old pantry, and pulled out my NES, and my stash of games."Here, lets see, Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, Blaster Master, oh man which one," I said to myself. I was going to play some good old Action 52, my all time favorite game, but then the door bell rang. I answered it, and it was one of my old friends, Alfred. "Um I wish we could have arranged a date to meet, but I remembered you liked NES stuff, so here's a little gift," He handed me a small wrapped present. "I'm really sorry, I'm quite busy at the moment. I'll see you later," Alfred ran off. I opened up the small, gift- wrapped item, and it was what I had expected, an NES game. This was no ordinary game though. I thought it was some homebrew that someone made, since it possibly couldn't have been made in the NES times. The title of the game was Mike Matei. It had a picture of Mike smiling, with the Nintendo seal of approval on the bottem with the words "only for NES".

 

I laughed, since I liked Mike Matei from Cinemassacre, and just at the pure absurity of someone making a game about someone like Mike Matei. I was wondering what an entire game centered around Mike Matei would be about. I popped it in the NES, and the title screen came up. It said in big letters "MIKE MATEI Press start to yank your balls" I laughed at this title screen, since Mike Matei is famous for making sex jokes. The strange thing is, when I pressed start, I could feel my hand slighty reaching for my balls a little. I thought I subcontiously did this because the screen told me to, somewhat how someone will touch an item with a sign that says DON'T TOUCH or something like that.

 

Evil laughing could be heard in the distance as he went through the level. The graphics were also starting to change. They were much more graphic than the rest of the game had been. There were corpses chained to the wall, and heads on pikes. Nothing you wouldn't expect from a Hell level wasn't there luckily. This time though, the level was a maze similar to Metroid. I was getting frusterated. I also had felt something odd. I was getting warmer, and warmer the longer I stayed in the level. Something was not right here, I was positive because something was odd in here. Then skeletons started to chase me down the maze! I tried to launch my dicks at them, but they would only go right through them! I was sweating heavily as I used my adrenaline rush to get out of the hallways of the labrynth. I finally made it out with barely enough health left.

 

The next level was odd as well. It was a cutscene of Mike approaching a big scary looking demon. Before he was going to obliterate it though, JAMES BUSTED OUT OF ITS CHEST AND SLAYED IT!!! "STOP GRABBING MY BALLS!" James said as he handed Mike a red gun. "Who's the mother fucker now mother fucker," James said as he and Mike went down the hall to fight more demons. I was pleasently surprised to find that red guns, were actually from Crossfire! "YEAH CROSSFIRE MOTHER FUCKERS!" I yelled at the T.V.

 

"There's... no... toilet paper... "

 

{{by-user|MechaKingGhidorah789}}