Mr. Michael's Surprise Boner

It was a foggy morning. Mr Michael drove to his work at the offices. It was like any other day to him, boring, and sad. The day was black and white like any other day, and it was too normal for him to comprehend.

File:BIG BOI.jpg

A real photo of Mr Michael, and totally not a stock image i found on the internet

Even though he thought this day was going to be normal does not mean it was. Once he got to work in the offices he passed out on his computer. This somehow led to him accidentally visitng pornhub, but he would not know until he woke up. His fellow workers stared at him like he had two dicks. He was passed out on the keyboard, on pornhub.

☀

Mr Michael woke up to his workers staring at him with an annoyed face, but he did know know why. He looked at his computer screen, and BAM! His dick grew 8 inches, so long that it knocked a table over. He was so embarrased that he took his 7-Eleven squirt gun and shot himself with it.

His ghost haunts the offices to this day. People have reported their computer screens randomly searching up pornhub, tables being knocked over, and finding 7-Eleven squirt gun on thier desk. Everybody remebers Mr Michael for his shitty personality and the day when he ended his life.

(2 years later)

I̻̥̖͙͠t̴̞͓͖̞͈͞ ̶͕͉̘́h̷̜͖͙͢͝a͏̘̳͇̟͜s̛̤͓̟̬̳͈͈͝ ̷̱̹̱̦b̡͎͙e̹̭̦ẹ̴̞ǹ̹͚̙ ̬̺̯͈͍͜t͇̪w̙̳̙̠̪͕͈̤o̸̫͙̲͇̪͉ ̡͏͍̩y̹͖̙̝̟̰͟e̜̪á̴͓̯r͏̲̭̬ś̴͖̬͙͙͇̼͔̩̦͢ ̧͍͕̺͇̘̯ş̖̯̤̩i̷̙͇͔͓̫̪ǹ̸̨̖̼̼̠̥̪ͅc̗̮̹̞͔̟͇̗̦ȩ͙̘̗ ͝͏̭̜̼͈̯͓̀M̴̢͕̘͔̙r̷̰̰͎ ̡̛̣̦͖̤̮̀M̤͎̰͟i̟̼͖͓͙͖͟͟͝c̣͉̥̬ẖ̸͚͕̻͈̰͝͡ͅa̪͜͜e̩͈̯͎͉l̳͎͜͢͠ͅs̱̠̦͟ͅ ̡̝͔̘̩s̸͎̲͍̮̜̗u͎̫̰̱͍̗̣͇͘͝i̶̶̜͇͠c̛͉̭̲̦̪̭̠͠i̴̛̱̬̩̤̼̝̯̞͠ḏ̢̛͠e̖̜͠͝ ͙̺̗̫̺̻̱ͅa͈̝̱̜n̗̰͍̙̣̹͜͜d̸̷̰͎̯̜͘ͅ ̪̖̠ị̮̟̲̙̳̳̩͓t̷̺̝̱̪̜̰̰ ̧̩̭̪̙̳̤͟h̡̰̫a͈̟̺̺̲̞̳͝ͅs̸̶͔̗̰͓̝ ̲̗̥͔b̻̬̪͙͍̤̀͝é҉͕̣è͎͔̱̟̰̯͟n̴̵̠̤̟̕ ̼̜͎̥͕t̷̮͉͚̭͞ͅw̵̡͇̱͖̮͈̠̟̫o̬̘̟̦ ̛͓̰̖̮͖̲̦ļ̸̰o̧͔̻̟̭̗͚̘̦͘n̯̻̫̻͖̟ͅg҉̳̜̠̖ ̻̩̙̱͈͜ỳ̙̘͖̘͙͢e̮̪̱͔͚͖̜á̴͇̘̘̟͔͠r̼̯͓͉̱̪̭s̶̵̖.̶̛̤̻̮͜ ̢̜̻͝W̧̯̹̮̤̝i̟̣͝͡t̵͏͎̙̮h̡̠̞̳͉̝̰o̪̱̲̹̖͢͢ų̴̭͔̬͈͡ț̢̰̭̺͈͟ ̷̮̟͍͚́ḫ̛̺̹̖͞͞i͓̼̳̩̭̗̗̘m̡̛̤̭̬ ̨̣͚̻̺͢l͇̗̳̗i̥̪̕f̥̥̀͠ͅe̶̶͇̘͚͇̙ ̸҉̻̝̼̰i̧͍̖̭̝̤͜s͉͚͚̟̬͞ ͙̦͎̝͎̀̀n͏̝̗͉͙̦̞o̵͈̻͖̦̱̰̠̱̳͡ţ͇̮̠ ̨̨̫͉̘͔͕c̸̜̟͎̻͠ọ̢͉͙̗̭̠͍͘ṃ̸̡̦̼͖̕p̵̩̰͍͇͈̀͜ḽ͘̕e͏̗̗̳̠̖̱͇́ͅṱ͍͓̦͔̪̭̰e̴̥͙͞,̰̝ ͘͞҉̟̫̜͉̗͎͖̦a̘̻͇̭͞n͏̶̡̱̻͚̠d̡̘͚̱̭͙̦͙̟ ̷̛̤̰w̶̦͇̤̞͚í̖̞̳t̡̖͎̣h̘͓ͅò̴̷͈̳u͕̟̹̦͠t̡̲͉͓̜̥͖͢ͅ ̛͙̻̫̝̮̝̬͠h͚̠̣͇̝͍́̕i͏̠̤̩̱̜͚͚m̴̟̫͈̹̯͡ ̹͓̝͘I͏͖̘̩̯̝ ͏̧̛ͅc̨̤͕̖̕a̤̖̻̜̘̺̜̘̰͜ǹ͇̣ ̴͙̩̱̩̥͉̻͟͠ǹ̵̯̦o̟̱͚͇̮͍͠t̵̜͈̖ ͏̦̠̮̗̖l̶̨҉͍̣̖̗͓͈̥̦i̝̜̩v̷̳͈̕e͚͙̹̜͙̞̱̥͜.̸͙̞̻ͅ ̵҉̵̜̼̥͓͔ͅI̵͔̫̞ ̕͠҉͍̥̙̞͕̰̺a̩̯͟m̷̨̠͈͙͕̜̯̖͔̩͡ ̛͕͉̪͉̯̱͝p̜̝̱̯̥̪o̬͚̬͉ͅw̡̪̠̺̗̯̝̜̞͢͜e̵̠̪͈̩̪̜̞̹̬r̛̟̻̥͞è̹̠͈̦̖̞̯ͅḍ̹̯͟ ̧͖̣͕͘ͅb͍̳̺̩̙̦̙̤̫́͞y̸̺̘͜ ͙͠t̶̝̰̻͘͞h̛͖͉̫͙é̞̼̙̟͔̼̺̳͘ͅ ̺̞͈̥̯̲̣ͅa͖̳͙̫̣̟̤̼ṵ̡̤r̸̝͙̱̯͞a̧͕̝̗̠͠ ̸͉͓͕͔̲̲̰̺o̡͔̤̳̥͘f̢̣̺͈͜͡ ͍̹͘͟M̴̦̺r̛̠̪̤͇̲̤͞ ̷̹̝̯̲͇̀M͏̨̣̦͔̳i̖̯͓̥̮̖͎c͚̖͟h̨͍̘̥̘a̙͓̖̙͎e͏́͏̼̻̳̬l̮̰̝,̡̻̘͠ ̶̣̦̻͈͚͎̦ͅá̢̲̪͢n̙̠͖̜̟̖͇͕̻d̬̮͔̮̝̘͇́͘ ̸̙̰̙̞̫̻̤̕Į̜̻͚̠̫̪̕ ͏̗̗a̱̪m̵̡̤̜͈͟ ̼̟̩͙̬̻̜͜͟͡g͢҉̗͇͉̱̲͍̩̝͚͢ŕ̲̻̼͉̦͔̲͙͍ǫ̞w̶̧̼͍̟̺̫̞ͅi͕͎͔͉̫̪n̰ͅg̭͇̖̱̩̼͘͡ ͜҉͓̯͇̥̳̠̳̟w̸̦̰͍͎̹̦̻̕ͅe̡͓̠͎̞͔̞a͠͏͕̜̰̼̖̲͎̳͞k̨͕̺͚͙̠̤͓̀́e̩̤̥͈̟̖̘̬͠r͏̘̠͚.̶̴̼Y̧̬͖̭̪̰̪͓͜ǫ̵̺̩̪̀u͠͏͙͍̺̱̞̥͕̫͍ ҉͖̩̯̙͕m̴̙͉̩̬̜̱̕i̸͚͙͙̯̯̤̟͚͢g͏͖̻̱͓̖̺̬̹h͜҉͙͚̣̝̯̙t͏̦ͅ ̷͇̠b͓̣͜e̵͏̖̝̣͈ ̞̫͍̣̗͍̟̲͔w͈o͍̤̘̥̲͍͖͞ͅn̳̘͜d͏̪̲̳͖̬̜͟e͔̦͜r̸̭̗̯͚̠̼į͓͈̟̱͚̲̫ń̵͚̫͇͝g̴͈ ̛͚͎͖̜̀͞w̵̙̯͖̝͉̘̮̞͉͢h͏̼̗̰͉̞͈̠͢o̴͚̥ ̴͚̗̙̗̣̫̳̮̀I̛҉̪̮͕͙̯͔̥ͅ ͔̟̗̖͉͘͜à̴͖̫̠̩͉͍̭ṃ̖̖͚̺́ͅ,̭͍͝ ̞̩͚̟̪á͏̹̳̗n҉͕͍͙̹̤d̨̲͕̺͢ ̫̺͢I͏̘̦̞͢ ̛̱̩͚͔́c̲̮̱a̶҉̫̦̭̘ͅn̴̫͚̻̰͟͢ ̲̗̙a̪̝͞n̼̠͔̙s҉̱ͅw҉̬̤͎̩ẹ̢̝̭͟r̖͎̬̻̲̰̜ ̡̞̺͍͠t̛̙̺̯̣̪̞̫ͅh̘͙̭̰͡a̧̠̞̬̰͙͍t̡̙̣́.̪͈͈̤̩̖̰̦͡ ̢̯͇̬͙͎͞͞I̲̤̟̫̺̙̻͇ ̸̶͈̞̲á͏̡̘̙m̝̝̠̻͙͟ͅ ҉̨̜̲͓̼͚̳͍t̷͏̥͙̦h̢̹̣͚̲͟͞è͙ ̡̮͕̙͍̣̣͘ṵ̶̵̴n͓͕̮͇͙͎͎͍͟ͅb̸͙̘̪͚̯̜̙́o̡͙͎ͅr̜͕ǹ͔͕̠͚̳̫͜ ̠̩̺̤c̞̬͈͡h̸̤̫̖ì͏̯̦̤̰̠ḷ̶̠̲͟ͅd̷̵̤͙ ̧̠͖͡o̴͖̬f̶̢͉ ̵̖̗͡M͉̳̣̤̟̙̟̳͜ŗ̴̼͢ͅ ̡̤̀M̶̴̢̘̠̙̺̙̼̦̠i͈̲̮̕c̵͇̺͇̕h͎̠͎̜̫̙a̴͇̰̜̣ͅe҉̭̰̲̙̺̩̝͘ͅl͙̰̪̱̙̗ͅ,̷͕͖͍̖͡ ̛̪̭͉̜I̡͖͉̠͖͓̹̩ ̛̺͖͓̳̜͝͡d̘̭̪̲͎̕͜í̵͓̲͉̥͉̯̻͘e҉̖̟̘d̛͙̬͔ ͚̣̩̥̩͚̙̼͘b̸̟̫̝e̳͉̟͎̬̳̳͓̩f͡͏̝̦̝͇̙̣̻o̗̜͙̤̻r͓̪͚͙͕̪e̘̭ͅ ̡͚̥̟̕͠b̷͔̯̬̖͝i͎̰̹̮r҉̝̝̰͔͟t̨̪͕̕͠h̷̨̦̳̦͙̳͙̩̬́,̟̞͕̘͕͇̰͈ ̵͇͖a̤͇͡͠n̥̱ͅḏ̡̦̤̗̀ͅ ̡̡̺̖̫̻h̶̛̞̺̻̭͉͈̞a̢̻̞̥̹͕d̸̪́͡ ̧̞͔̣̰̱̖̹c̥͙̰̟̕͡o̢̗̝͝͡ḿ̫̬̝͉̩̦̪͡e̵̫̬̪̠͓̳ ̷̨̼̻̞̩͙̯ţ̗̟͖̻̫͎͠o̫̜̩͖̠͓̭̝ͅ ͇̩̗̜è̴҉̝̻͇͖͙̱̯͓x͉̟͖̩͓̞̜͠p̝͚e͎r̥̩͢i̧̮̙̩ę̢̭n͏̰̀͢c̶̝̥̜̠̰̦͖ͅe͏͎̺͉̩̲͉̀ͅ ̷̸̤͇̟̬̝͉̘̣l͏̷̷̩i҉̫͎̠̖̙̥͜f͓̱̝̙͝ę͇̯̰͝͠.̶͉̰͢ ̛̮̮͕̲̬̠̖̠̗͝͠Y̴̼̲o̟̩̱̞̯u̹̱͔̙ ͎͇̠̦m̸͇̮̩͎͠͡i̶̸͖̖̦̘̙͍̹͞g҉̳̗̦̱̝̀h̹͡t̗̺͕̟̝ ̷̡̺͍͉͉̙̫̺̭ͅṱ̴̩̟̼ḥ̷̀͠i̡̞̺̣n̡̳̙̟͈͖͝͡k̴̢͉͍̱̝͇̱̯͜ ̬̥̭̩͇̤͘t̹̫̞̼͍͖͇̗͖͢h̢̧̝̱a̵͕̯̘̞͝͞ͅt̴͚̹͉̘̠̼̱ş̶̼͙̕ ̥̮̮͚̣͇̖s͙̩̝̭̠̻̖̲͡͠t҉̸͓̱̼̮̼̝̳̻ư̡̭͚̞̤͔p͓̬̱̤̙̘i̵̢̼d̠̠̠̙̠̜̺̀͘͜ͅ ̪̥͈̀̕ͅa͉̻̘̹̝̙͘n̨̖̭̠̗̙d̢̦̪̪͚͙̼͕ ̛̬̬̼͈̩́m̛̻͝a̛̖k̡͚̗͈͖̤̙̥̘e̩̳͓̱̼̠̝s̭̼̤̞̮̣͚ ̺̦̫̱̞͔̰͙͘n̵̳̺̞̲̗o̴͇͕̟͉ ̴̱̠͔̹͘s҉̥̥͉̲͈͚̣̀e̴͚̝̘̘̠͢n҉̛̲͚̭͓̝̘͝s͏̵͔̟̬͘e̺͍̱͈̪͟,̜̩ ̙̼̙͕ͅa̶͚̭̫͇͕̙͓n̛͓̠͕̟̼̤̦̣͡ͅd̻̹ ͍͇̦̳͙͘y̨̤͉͉̕o̸̯͇̲u̵҉̘͡r̷͚͖͍̮͕̹̻̣͕͡ ̳̞̩r̸̘͈̳̳͖i̬͍͘g̷̪͎̻̰̳͕͖̟ḩ̼̀t̜̣̳̼̥ ̧̰͉i҉̶͚̲͝t̢̖͍̹́͞ ̯̜̳̖̫͙̘͇̀d͍̙͎̱̤̬̝̺̳̕o͢҉̣̤̙̠͈̗͙ͅé̻͇̩͢s̠̖̠͎̦̫̕͜n̛͔͖̩͚͝'̷̢̥̠͖̮̰͎̩͞ͅt͈̞̻͕̳͚̰̕.̵̤̙̳̻̤̦̤͖ ̩͔̩̭̜̕T͇̮̺͎̀h̷̡̼̥̭̠̤̙̣̟ͅi̠͈͕̼̘͕͚͎s̘ ̛̝̰͍̪̣̟̦̼i͔͟ͅs̴̹͈̼̙͟ ̯̫̠̟̖͎̙͡͞ͅt̙̘͓̮̕h̡͏̠̮̜̤͖͈e̵̛̛͎̩ ̣̲̦̥̀ͅạ̥͚͈̲̖v̵̨҉̫̳̥̳e͎̪͖͘r̨̡̫͉̞̻̫̘̺͇ͅá̖͉̘̥̘͡g̨͚̬̲͈̭̻͇̬e͎̱͓͚̙̙ͅ ̫͖̩̲̫̟͓͓̤́́h̻̯̹̦ͅo̺̲͈̮̘̭ͅŕ͙͇͙̠̰̘̱̘̲͠r̢̡͇̺̩͇̖̝̗͓̭e̳͇͔̙͝ͅn̺̕ͅḍ̟̗̥͕̱͞ơ̜͟͠u̶͚̤͉̭̜s̝̮͈̗̱̺̤͟͞ ͇̠̟͍̤̤͞ͅp̡͙̭l̷̨̳̜͙̜̭o̥̙̕ţ͕̦̲̟̥̝̣͇ ̭̮͖͕t̨̯̫̤͕͠w̖̕i̷̧̬̬̳͜ͅs͚͍͎̘̮ͅt̴̡̛̹̣̹̹̺̻̺ ̪̺̱̪͙̼͓͟ͅt̪̖̤͓̖̫͔̱̕h̺̠̫a̶̵̬t̸̶̺̰̲̘̫̫ ̵̮m̶̠̥̦̀͜ͅa͈̼̝̜̯͡ķ̛̯͓͚̱̼̭ę̴̫̩̯͓̪̥̻s̛̝͕ ̺̝̬̭̝̞͕͖͇y͏̳̳͕̱͈̗̩̺͔͟ǫ̱́u̵̢̙͕͢ ̰̟̪͜a̶͓̤̙n̵̨̡̜̮̟͈͇ģ̷̻̦̜͖̫̻̫̰͝r̶͚̼̦̮y҉̹͢.̸̣͎̗̠͔̳̮M̛̠̘̠̻r̵̺̮̘͔̹͞ ̖̹͔͢M͟͏̰̗̜͈͓̹i̧͘҉̳͍̯̳̤̮c̩̥͚͉̭̼̰͔̘h͈̭̯͔̳̬̹ͅa̗͎̣e͟҉̛̠̭̣̯l̨̧̝̪̗̖͝ͅ ̶̭̣͕͙͠s̻͔̰̠̥͎̫͜͢͢ǫ̲͍͖̟̗͞͠u҉̴̱̮͚̖ͅͅl̡̦͙͖̯̲̣͠͡ ͈͖̹͢͝l̡͈̦̰͓̰̣̞͈̘͢i̷̷̥̫̼̪̥̬͚v̛̠̱e̷̡͕̮͓̺̥̞̠͜ş͍̠ ̨̙̪͓͇̟̺́o̦͙͈͇̱͖̘̕͟ͅṉ̨̰̦̞̘ ̴͇͞͞i̼̣͔͓͘͜͟ņ̠̬͙͖̱͢ ̷̶҉̜͙̣̼̘͉̪̺H͏̥͖̺̦͉̪͎è͕̘̭̘̬̘̻ĺ̷̜̼̬͙̮̮̹̰̮͝l̟̩̪̹̣ ̡̟̞͉̤̮̣͖̕M͙̼͔͠i̤̖̳̫͡c̴̸̱̞̥͍̺̬̼̝̯͢h̯̀͟i̴͏͔͈̲͕͔̝̤̟͇g̳̲͖̗̥͠a̦͢ņ̸͎̬͠,̥̜̘̹͙͕̜ͅ ̯̪̕h͇i̴͈̟̻̺̭͡ͅs̸̯̩̟̮͔̭͝ ̷̴̹̺͙̱͕̱b̴̵̯̼͙ͅị̸̡͓r̨̘̖͙t͚͇̩̯̥͍͟h̸̛͇͎̘̦̝͚̘͘ ̤̘͇͔p͇͖͙̞̞͙l̛̼̥͇̮a̜̺̱̯̤͖c̟̣͓̠̙͔e̵͚̯͕̦͖̮ ̧͕̳͟a̢̝̩͖̺̫̺̮̪n̴̛͎̯̜̦d̛͖̲̮ ̴̴̗̝̪͇͇̹̬͚͡w͙͇̠͖h̼̱̪͎͍͚̞ȩ̦͕́͟r̴̖̪̫e̜̰͔̝͓̩ ̧̪͓͖̞͕͘t̴̷̳͖͇̗̼h͏̺͓͕͚̦̪͚͙͢e̪̦͕͈͕͔͡ ̸̡͈̳̩͠o̰̫̕͘f̰̤̝͓͖̯͇͎̀f͓͖͓̪͓̯ͅi͚̰̕͡͝c̸̶̖̳͢é̞͎̰̬̙ ͓̪̼̗̀͟i̴̯̯̱̭̜̻̣͙͢s̗̮͓͠,̞͉͚͓̜̕ ̤̜̥̯̺̲̼̝͙͝a̷͓̺̘͍̞̰͜n͈̼̥̬̳̭̥͎͠͡d̳͔̲̺̱̥̬͘ ҉̭̹̣͖̼͇͜ͅt͏͈̖̪̝͎̠̼͔h̳͕͉͇̤͝e̼̤͙͇͖͇ͅ ̕҉̷̳̞͍̺g̬o̢̼͚̤̖v̴͎͕̲̪̣͟͡e̬̥͘r̹̱n̵̙̭̜̺͇͠m͡҉͕͉͎̖ȩ̤̣͉̝̞͡ͅn̶̴̪͈̬ţ̞̻̲͜ ̨̼͕̹̤̹͖̖̪̀̕h͏̛̠̩̭̪͚͍̬̮̯͢a̷̵̘̰̮s̠̗̞͇͔̙̭ ̡͍̳̦͍͈́s̷̺͝͝ę̧̦̖̥̲̲̕n̨͍̞͚̪t͙̦͎͚̦͇ ҉̸̠̝̝͡m̛̫̳ę͇̪̗̹͕͙̙̠̀ ̢̻̠̞͎̩̱t̝͇̳̲͚͞͡o̡̧͕̙̺̺͝ ̝H҉̵̩̝̗̫é̵̩̤͚͓̱̘̬̱l̢̪̕͡l̳ ̶̖̻̼̣̞͎̣N̕͏̭̹͔̜̞͖͈ò̶̗̗̙̯r̷̼͇͎͔̺w҉҉̶̠̙̰̭̱a̮͙͙ỵ̡̜͍͍͈͚͙͖ͅ ͍̰̞͕̮́s̡̬̪̯͓̯̰͍̟͜͝o͏̡̜̗̳͖ ̨̖̼͝I̥͕̯ͅ ̷̤̩̲̞̜̤̱̭͙c͟҉̴̱̜̘͎a̧̛̹̰̥̬͠n̷̢̜̳͔̗͇̠ ̧̣̰̙̲͖̻͇d̷͘҉̟̜̟̰̘i̦͎̳͕̪̯̣͓͠͝e̴͖̲͇̺̰͖ ̢̯̗a͈̳̦̭̩̥̰͚̦̕͠ļ̯̩̯͕̲͢ó̝͎̖͚̜͓̻n̵̗̩e̡̹.̢͎̞̼̞̙̙̪ Haha funny text makes me laugh.

Ignore the text above, it has nothing to do with this story. Anyway, two years later his soul still lives in the office. According to the people working there, it has gotten worse. Unidentifiable liquids are found on the floor, and "669" is written in chalk in the exact place where he died. People start feeling anxiety when they enter the building, and they feel as if they are being watched by a man who was an asshole. We are looking into this and are hoping to find a way to banish his spirit once and for all!