Mario's Mistake
New Super Mario Bros. 2. A fun game, right? The excitement of collecting all of those coins, reaching the next milestone. Thankfully, I had accomplished the goal of collecting 9,999,999. I honestly can't say if it's legit or not. But I can say that this still gives me nightmares.
Just to note, I went to pick the game up from GameStop about a week after it came out. My friend Michael had already gotten it, only recently rediscovering the magic of Nintendo by buying a 3DS system for himself for Christmas. We were excited to compare coin-collecting results and strategies, and also do some co-op play.
Just going into the store led my mother to threaten to 'call the cops' on a fat guy's kids for knocking over display shelves (irrelevant, but humorous). Anyways, I was excited to get my hands on the next big Mario game, since I had to wait another month and a half to play Pokémon Black 2 and White 2. I had brought my 3DS with me, because I couldn't wait 5 minutes to get home. Everything was going good, until the 'incident' goes on record: December 10, 2012.
I had just beaten my little sister's version of the game, having lent mine to my best friend, Mark. My sis never really liked to play games all the way through, which is why I also ended up beating her Pokémon White 2. -_-
I assumed it was because she was too young at age 6 to beat video games easily, though my older sis demanded that I let her finish a game for herself for once. Let me note that before this, she had gone through most of the levels with Golden Tanooki Mario. I didn't blame her—those levels can be HARD.
Anyways, after I had beaten the game, I was happy to be playing as Luigi after not being able to for at least a month, again, because I let Mark borrow it. I immediately selected my file after the credits rolled, holding down L+R as I did.
After that, things just got... weird.
I played through the first level to test my favorite Mario character. I landed perfectly on the Goomba at the top of the tower of them. I got the top of the flagpole... or so I thought.
Instead of the flag going up to the top, it only went halfway up. I jokingly thought, "Who died? The goomba?"
I was wrong. I was the one who died. I lost a life, instead of gaining one. Luigi's seemingly dead body was laying on the brick 'pot' where the flagpole resided. It stayed at this screen for a while. I was confused, for I hadn't experienced any glitches or bugs in this game while playing as Mario.
Speak of the devil. Literally speaking.
I had spotted Mario himself bounce off of the last big block, reach the top of the flagpole, slide down, and bounce off of Luigi as he jumped into the fort. Luigi was left grunting and groaning after Mario had jumped on him.
This seemed too 'intelligent' to be a glitch. A glitch that can program the death of a character into the game was unrealistic. I wasn't compelled to stop playing because of this, for it was hardly scary at all. Plus, someone had a week to hack the game for Luigi gameplay, so it probably was a fun hack.
Notice—I said it 'WAS hardly scary', and it 'WAS a fun hack'. That was about to change.
The screen showed Mario do his little dance, except with a sick twist. He admitted the demise of Luigi. To be precise, he said "Luigi dead! Play as-a me, Mario!"
Sure enough, when Mario exited the level, he replaced Luigi on the map. Behind the spot for the first level, there was a tombstone. I suddenly felt a cold wind of chilling dread pass through me as I read the stone, cartoon-ish cross.
"Luigi--you should have thought twice before trying to steal my spotlight. The game is called 'Super Mario Bros. for a reason. Enjoy what awaits you you-know-where!" This is what the tombstone read. It didn't actually say "You-know-where", but I won't mention Hell due to religious superstitions.
I tried re-loading the file without saving. The tombstone was gone. It was replaced with a mangled, bloody body of Luigi. At this point, I was creeped out. Mario had made Luigi's body worse, so that he couldn't be buried clean. Luigi was like a friend to me (yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a nerd), so I cried. Mario uttered out a deep and horrific laugh.
He walked off of the screen to a different part of the map. I was left staring at Luigi's remains, when the remainder of his skin turned blue. His one remaining eyeball and his empty eye socket turned red. His bones were still exposed. I slowly realized what he was doing—He was climbing out of his grave.
When he reached the level 1 circle, I was freaked out. My 3DS was locked in 3D. Then, a wild text box appeared:
"Do not fear me, David." (How did it know my name?!) (It spoke in a raspy voice.)
"I do not wish to scare you. My lifeless, zombie-like body is all I have left to convey this message to you. Mario HATES when I'm used in ANY of our games.He killed me. I'm unplayable on all of your Mario-revolved games."
(Sure enough, I booted up Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and Luigi was replaced with a skull. I was amazed and freaked out. I would assume the only reason the game 'knew' about my NSMB2 encounter was because I had edited the Brawl data files previously so that I could put it onto an SD card. Which I had put into my Wii U so that I could access/not access Luigi. The Mario data must have creeped its way onto my SD card somehow.) Luigi continued:
"I only wish for vengeance. Tap the touch screen rapidly to bring me back to life!"
Personally, I thought this was very queer, sounding like something out of a Disney movie. I didn't leave him hanging, though. I did as told. Just as expected, Luigi sprang back to life, with a "Ya-hoo!". He cheerfully thanked me. His voice went from raspy to lively, along with his physique from undead to living. I was overjoyed to see him alive once again. He then began to explain the situation to me:
"Mario may be my-a brother, but like I said, he HATES it when he's not-a the star!" (I'm not lying, the text actually read like that) "I know it sounds cruel, but-a please... take control of me, and kill him, once and for all!"
Honestly, that thought was already brewing in my head. I figured that after this was over, I wouldn't be able to play as Mario in ANYTHING, rendering my favorite NES games useless (I didn't assume this Mario's-absence thing would apply to anybody else—at least, I HOPED not.) It was a small price to pay—I liked Luigi better anyway.
Luigi directed me to go to world 6. He stated that the last level would only contain a small boss arena and Mario, but in a form I've never seen him before.
He got THAT one right.
I reached Bowser's castle, though the Bowser head on the top of the castle had been replaced with Mario's now (to me) ugly, smirking face. I entered and noticed that my bottom screen was occupied by all of the power-ups (Fire Flower, Super Leaf, Mini Mushroom, Gold Flower, and Star and Mega Mushroom [both of which were faded]) rather than a map—not that I needed one.
I assumed that I would have to use my arsenal strategically—like in a Zelda game. Luigi let me know that I could switch to any item FROM any item, and that my mini mushroom would be regenerated, as it normally isn't after switching items. He also said that we're running out of time. I ran to the next room where Mario resided. As expected, Mario looked like some sort of mutant.
I had soon, without Luigi's help, realized what had happened—Mario, now bloody and ripped as ever, had absorbed Bowser. He was terrifying, with claws as long and sharp as razors, along with his somehow bloodstained teeth. As soon as I was done being horrified by this gruesome freak, I entered the fight in this wide, scary room.
I started with the Gold Flower, thinking I could take him out immediately, but, of course, with no success. I immediately switched to the next-best thing—the Super Leaf. I whacked him in his head, stomach, and some inappropriate places. Blood shot from those weak spots.
He covered his wounds with some kind of metal coat, activated like a robot. I took my Pokémon knowledge and applied it to this game—I used my Fire Flower and eventually penetrated the armor, as I noticed his previous wounds were visible again. He attacked in a rampage, making heavy slashes in Luigi's body, but he/I didn't give up.
The screen now had blood all over it, for this was a bloody and un-colorful battle. That didn't discourage me. I couldn't give up on Luigi. I started dodging all of Bowsio's attacks, which were much more rapid than Bowser's un-hacked attacks.
Suddenly, he started levitating. I used my Mini Mushroom to reach him, and I seemingly jumped inside of his body and disabled his movements, because he crashed to the ground. I exited out his ass, and finished him, once and for all.
I used my Mega Mushroom, Gold Flower, and Star all at the same time. Oddly enough, they combined. I was an gigantic invincible silver-fireball-shooting BOSS (Though the Star didn't do anything, frontflips were stylish!). He didn't stand a chance. I jumped on him. He squealed.
I jumped again. He SCREAMED. Before I could Mega-ground-pound him, a text box came up, a manly crying noise going through the speakers. The text read: "Luigi, I'm sorry! Don't let him kill me! We can kill him! In real life!"
Luigi didn't speak—as a matter of fact, HE took control. He didn't hesitate to ground-pound Mario and Bowser's mutation. He didn't want me making the mistake of trusting him. I probably would've, too. I'm a sucker for crybabies. But after Mario's blood splattered all over the screen, I heard Luigi crying. He spoke to me—this time, through dialogue, not text.
"It wasn't your fault. Mario and I have been growing apart recently. I-I just w-w-wish he wasn't... so... different! We saved the wah--world... together! Wah-heh-heh!"
Despite noticing my coin total rise to 9,999,999 as a victory reward, Luigi's crying made me sad. I felt sympathy for this pixelated friend. I let him know that he'll always have me as a friend, whether he's real or not. I felt a real bond with him, like nintendogs+cats. I played the game constantly, and though his ability to use speech was eliminated somehow, I could tell he was listening.
The next day, I wanted to pwn some noobs on Brawl. I saw the character selection screen. Oddly enough, Mario and Bowser were BOTH there. However, both of their icons looked angrier than usual.
I was about to pick Pikachu for the 9,999,999th time in a row, but then I noticed a character whose icon looked much happier than usual. A character who, despite me loving, I had never used before. I shifted my 'puck' off of Pikachu, and placed it right onto...
Luigi. :-)
Credited to Uncle OwnKill
Originally uploaded on December 12, 2012
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