On a Clear Day I Can See Mr. Ratburn Glaring (Arthur Lost Episode): Difference between revisions

Returning to the kitchen, Arthur looked really confused as he turned to face Buster who simply stared at him all the while pulling an incredibly cheesy face. Buster was still blushing like a mad rabbit and he looked ill. Arthur then said, “time to sail this ship into the shore.” He placed the brownie mixture onto a baking tray before throwing the tray into the oven. He didn’t gently put the mixture into the oven, oh no he bloody slammed that thing in there. Wink. So as I was saying earlier, Arthur and Buster got themselves part time jobs at a grocers because the owner Markipiler was off sick or so he said. In reality, he had left the store to be condemned by a band of repo men who charge no money, for all they want is a big bowl of spaghetti. A blue bowl not a red bowl. They are not sick after all! The repo men never showed up, which meant that the store became property of the local Elwood City Mob who offered Arthur and Buster work there, but they were required to work for minimum wage sadly. At the store, Arthur and Buster were shown selling free brownie samples as it was National Free Brownie Day. Oh, now that makes sense! Mr Ratburn and Hank Scorpio entered the store, and were wearing overly long trench coats and hats so that Mr Ratburn’s students wouldn’t be able to recognise him. A man named Mr Harrington entered the shop. Got a bloody big chin he did! He walked right up to the front desk, and asked to sample one of the brownies. “Here you go Sir!” Buster proclaimed happily which caused Harrington to roll his eyes. Sorry Buster, you were a little too happy when saying that you really needed a bit of edge otherwise you might get sent to Edge City. Mr Harrington marvelled the brownie in his hand as he asked the boys, “do you two play any sports?” Mr Harrington is indeed obsessed with sports players, but he got no answer as he bit into the brownie. He chewed the brownie for a hot minute, but then he suddenly looked distressed as his face began to swell up like a balloon. To make matters worse, his gut started to violently rumble as he began shitting all over the bloody place. He shot up into the air, and came back down slamming his head face first on the concrete floor. Concrete flooring in a small town grocers? That’s a bit dangerous isn’t it?

 

 

Next on Mr Ratburn and Hank Scorpio’s list of students was Muffy, but they were going to try and make her become bankrupt. To do this, they headed to the Elwood City Stock Exchange, and began basically bad mouthing Mr Crosswire, and even went as far as to convince the members of the Exchange that Mr Crosswire was actually a major conman who was importing money and washing it down with cod liver which causes the profits to skyrocket like a balloon in Tahiti. One of the members of the Exchange sniffed his pooey fingers as he said, “well that Crosswire hasn’t left any money to me.” Yes, Mr Crosswire was required to loan huge cash sums to members of the Exchange so that they don’t rat him or his friends out to the federal government. Now realising that Crosswire hasn’t paid the toll in months so to speak, Mr Ratburn and Scorpio were able to convince the Stock Exchange to pass information about Crosswire’s criminal actions to the government. He was no used cars salesman, it was all just a front. His car company was managed by his lieutenant Danny Vizier, while Crosswire controlled the most powerful crime syndicate in Elwood City. The reason he went undiscovered for so long was because he had connections with friends so high up at the Luxton Bus Company it’ll make your nose bleed. One of the drivers at Luxton, Stan Butler came across a photo of Crosswire and Luxton’s General Manager having tea consisting of spotted dick and ham. Mm, I sure do love a bit of spotted dick. Anyways, the Feds initially dismissed the rumours of Crosswire being a mob boss since he had sold many of them a car in the past. They eventually listened, and took Crosswire downtown because he had a playdate with destiny and red potatoes. Mr Crosswire was sent to Elwood State Penitentiary where he became a lapdog for the prison’s top guard; Frank Belton who would regularly torment Crosswire by making him read him bedtime stories about people who are crushed to death by flying gumballs. Crosswire only gave into Belton’s demands so that he could receive protection from his cellmate; Notso Fat who would regularly torment Belton for wearing diamond coated slippers when out on walks along the prison walls.

Also, since he was a very rich man, Mr Crosswire was sent to something of a first class kind of prison. His inmates with the exception of Notso who was only in the first class section he bribed the warden, all of Crosswire’s inmates consisted of the rich and powerful including Mr Uppity, Rabe Maniels, and Gladstone Gander. Crosswire was tormented by them on a daily basis, with Gander once sticking sharp scissors into Crosswire’s arms. He looked really happy as he struggled to pull all of them out. Instead of making the prisoners work out in the yard, Elwood State Penitentiary forces the prisoners to gorge on strawberry ice cream until they come so fat and lazy that they can’t even go anyway unless they are carried via wheelbarrow. The Penitentiary was under the false belief that if the prisoners worked out there would no doubt come a point where they were strong enough to pry the prison cell bars open with their bare hands. It wouldn’t exactly be very hard to escape the prison anyhow since they only deploy one guard who actually does anything of substance. Frank Belton is a heavily crooked cop who lets his prisoners live and left live. Meanwhile, the other security guard is a serious worker but he has a thing for people choking him. Specifically, a hunchback who is really dumb and has pigeons sitting on his shoulder at all times. The pigeons had wanted to go to Oxford University. They had passed all of the tests, even passed the entrance exam, but look at them now. Pathetic. Meanwhile, Muffy and her mother were sent to the poor house which beats people who play with the wooden duck. The workhouse was ran by Drill Sergeant Sam Roderick who would throw anyone who dares misbehave out of the window. He targeted Muffy, and tempted her into breaking the no eating rule by offering her a bon bon. She ate the biggest one in the box, and Roderick got right up in her grille as he asked while pulling an incredibly scary face, “HOW’S IT TASTE!?” “Pretty good.” Muffy admitted, as she was then thrown out of the window by Roderick who yelled at the top of his lungs, “no eating in my classroom child!”

 

 

Mr Kelso was known by the kids of Elwood for being incredibly forgiving and something of a pushover. He would never yell at the people who robbed him, but he did once shoot a dog who tried to rob his jawbreakers but that was back in the Summer of 51. Times were tough back then. Just ask Rocking Ricky Foxx of Empire Central Radio. Mr Kelso knowing that his caring attitude did nothing to send people on the straight and narrow, decided to send Binky to work in the salt mines located on a hill just outside of Elwood City. Mr Kelso had actually wanted to send Binky away with just a warning, but he received a phone call that same morning from his former brother in arms; Hank Scorpio who suggested that Kelso send his enemies to work in the salt mines as this was the only thing that could always send people to a better life away from stealing red laces and Beenie McGum. While working in the salt mines, Binky finally experienced true fear as he was regularly tormented by his boss an evil man known only as The Coachman. The Coachman and his gorilla henchmen would force Binky to load bottle after bottle of Saxon’s Salt into boxes which would then be shipped across to cities like Birkland and beyond. The Coachman also rode a carriage, and instead of using horses to carry it he would force Binky to do it. He whacked Binky with a tree branch as he yelled, “come on boyio you’ve had your fun now pay for it!” The Coachman was incredibly evil, but also undeniably smart as he kept up a good public image by donating money to several Corleone charities, was a private investor in the Genco Pura Olive Oil Company, and even ran a family restaurant in Chicago with his old friend Sheldon J Plankton. You see; it’s all coming together like a beautiful synagogue. In an attempt to escape from the salt mines, Binky stole a mirror from The Coachman’s private bathroom which has a doorman who holds a red towel and offers you a mint which is stuck to a pillow while really cheesy music plays in the background. Isn’t the dream though?

Hank Scorpio came into the classroom holding some coffee and lime beans as he cried, “oh my goodness! Arthur you really are a murderer!” Arthur turned to face Scorpio clearly intending to give him the same punishment as he did to Ratburn, but that’s when Scorpio pulled his slick ginger hair back revealing him to have a zipper upon his forehead. Scorpio unzipped his forehead, and stripped down revealing himself to be Mr Ratburn. Mr Ratburn’s right cheek looked swollen as he asked with a smirk, “oh Arthur Ratburn are you having cake?” Arthur turned to face his friends and the false Mr Ratburn only to discover that they were all now Mr Ratburn. They ganged around Arthur and had him huddling in a small corner of the room. They all glared down at Arthur as they asked, “are you having cake?” Arthur buried his face into his knees as an outside view of the classroom was shown as the song That’s Life by Frank Sinatra could be heard playing in the background. The real Hank Scorpio was then shown sitting on a reclining chair right next to the lake that overlooks the school that had now become Mr Ratburn’s brand new home turf. Scorpio reclined into the chair, and sipped on a glass of otter sauce as he said, “you did good Hank. You did good, but now I must deal with that pesky Mr Bont.” He pressed a purple button on his chair which caused a helicopter to appear in the sky above him. Mr Bont was shown hanging from the helicopter on a wire, and there were some alligators that were jumping up at him. Driving the helicopter was none other than Brain who said, “the past must be paid for Bonty baby.” The episode then ended with the credits, but they were SICK! They were in slow motion and the language was German. I can’t speak German! Oh fuck shit farty butts! I nearly vomited as the screen came to show a post credit scene which featured Ronald McDonald in an elevator. He pressed an alarm button as he sang, “ring the alarm button, but don’t mess with the doors!” If I’m ever trapped in an elevator with Ronald McDonald, you better believe I am going to be pressing that alarm button! Say I have given you a clue?

 

 

There was a massive cave located at the back of the classroom which had named The Shining Caves. In a shining cave, you have to shine shoes for the teachers and their Dobermans. Shining Caves were common place in schools during the 1800’s, but aren’t really a thing anymore as a matter of fact Mr Old Worthy had the only remaining Shining Cave left in the whole entire universe. The Shining Cave was massive and went on for miles, and I ran through saving a pig from some worms who were carrying macs and AK’s. I picked the pig up, and it smiled at me as it proclaimed, “you saved me!” I licked my lips as I shoved that pig inside my mouth, and ate it. Meanwhile, outside the Cave, Mr Mazur was about to walk on in when Fat Billy Nobair stopped him by saying, “it’ll be dark in there! We’ll need torches!” And so that’s what they did, they grabbed a bunch of torches and began running into the Cave after me. At the very end of the cave, there is a fire exit and I made my way through said fire exit only to find myself now in the brand new parking lot which had been generously provided to my school by the good folks over at O’Hare Air. I darted through the parking lot, and I hid behind an old oak tree until I discovered that there was a restaurant across the street entitled Eat A Chilly. I headed inside, because according to the chalk board located outside the restaurant it only had one star and I highly doubt that any of my students or colleagues are going to dine there. Especially, since the place is right next door to a chippie and a laundrette which allegedly provides kickbacks to Kenny Petrovic. Once inside, I was ushered towards a table by the owner Big Daddy Hedgehog who used to be a major crime boss, but he lost his title when it was discovered that his acts of criminal intelligence were greatly exaggerated. From what I hear, the only crime Big Daddy Hedgehog had ever committed was robbing Beanie McGums from Mr Kelso’s store. Big Daddy had always been Mr Kelso’s favourite customer, so when Kelso learned that his number one cust was stealing from him well… this is what inspired him to start sending people to work in the salt mines. At one point in time, if you were caught stealing ole Kelso while he would be disappointed with you, he would share an ice cream with you, but not anymore.