Oprah.exe: Difference between revisions
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HI. My name is Ieur Mam, I'm a Chinese British boy with a major boner for the Oprah series. Ever since I was a kid my favourite things in life were legos and oprah winfrey. So when the first game came out on sega mega drive I was hooked. My dad would always yell, "YOU ARE DISGRACE TO FAMIRY" and beat me with a trout, which was also how he'd destroy my Mega Drive later that year. He was just jealous he'd never receive the same respect as I gave the magnificent negress that is, Oprah Winfrey. But my faith and love for the titanic negress would be challenged by a spooky, demonic disk that almost killed me. This is that story. |
HI. My name is Ieur Mam, I'm a Chinese British boy with a major boner for the Oprah series. Ever since I was a kid my favourite things in life were legos and oprah winfrey. So when the first game came out on sega mega drive I was hooked. My dad would always yell, "YOU ARE DISGRACE TO FAMIRY" and beat me with a trout, which was also how he'd destroy my Mega Drive later that year. He was just jealous he'd never receive the same respect as I gave the magnificent negress that is, Oprah Winfrey. But my faith and love for the titanic negress would be challenged by a spooky, demonic disk that almost killed me. This is that story. |
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In the late nineties, I received my first computer for my 16th birthday. It wasn't until I got a copy of the best game ever, Super Oprah World 1998 [UNCENSORED] In the Hood Edition, that it would become the biggest time waster on my Windows 95 MAC Pc. the graphics were as exquisit as Oprah herself, and the gameplay was exceptional. |
In the late nineties, I received my first computer for my 16th birthday. It wasn't until I got a copy of the best game ever, Super Oprah World 1998 [UNCENSORED] In the Hood Edition, that it would become the biggest time waster on my Windows 95 MAC Pc. the graphics were as exquisit as Oprah herself, and the gameplay was exceptional. |
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But one day, as i played late into the night my dad heard me, thus he knocked on my door and lovingly shouted, "You rittre faggeto! you have rearry done it thisu time!". I kindly responded, |
But one day, as i played late into the night my dad heard me, thus he knocked on my door and lovingly shouted, "You rittre faggeto! you have rearry done it thisu time!". I kindly responded, |
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"Shut the fuck up and shove it up your crusty ass you fucking geezer", |
"Shut the fuck up and shove it up your crusty ass you fucking geezer", |
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which I wouldn't realise was a mistake until he burst into my room and ripped the game disc right out of the disk drive like when the doctor ripped me out of my mum's uterus a few weeks earlier. "thisu game-u" he yelled as he snapped the disk like a chopstick "is making you disgrace to famiry!" he finished as he smashed the remaining peices with a dead flounder. I gritted my teeth into literal powder and shoved my katana up his ass, killing him instantly. |
which I wouldn't realise was a mistake until he burst into my room and ripped the game disc right out of the disk drive like when the doctor ripped me out of my mum's uterus a few weeks earlier. "thisu game-u" he yelled as he snapped the disk like a chopstick "is making you disgrace to famiry!" he finished as he smashed the remaining peices with a dead flounder. I gritted my teeth into literal powder and shoved my katana up his ass, killing him instantly. |
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But now I had a problem on my hands. A vital problem, obvious to anyone with a fucking brain. Such a problem needed to be addressed instantly, and so i did. The problem was yuuuuge, tremendous! It was almost as big as my mum's-- "SHut the fuck up and continue the god damn story" my neighbour yelled before being run over by a semi. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Snoop Dogg's Quest for Pot was rated game of the year that year in 199whatever which was BULLSHIT the weed in the game was so not-- oh wait, fuck wrong story. |
But now I had a problem on my hands. A vital problem, obvious to anyone with a fucking brain. Such a problem needed to be addressed instantly, and so i did. The problem was yuuuuge, tremendous! It was almost as big as my mum's-- "SHut the fuck up and continue the god damn story" my neighbour yelled before being run over by a semi. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Snoop Dogg's Quest for Pot was rated game of the year that year in 199whatever which was BULLSHIT the weed in the game was so not-- oh wait, fuck wrong story. |
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Yeah, i needed to address the major problem, My copy of Super oprah was shattered to smithereens! |
Yeah, i needed to address the major problem, My copy of Super oprah was shattered to smithereens! |
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So after disposing of my dad's carcass, I went to the local flea market to buy another copy. Which obviously makes perfect sense y'know? Going to a shady flea market instead of buying it at the store. genius. Thanks brain. I saw an old woman with a table full of assorted clothes and shit. So I walked up to her and kindly punched her in the throat before ransacking her shit and finding an assortment of computer CDs in a small box. Amongst those disks was a blank CD that had "Oprah.exe" written on it in hyperrealistic blood red marker. |
So after disposing of my dad's carcass, I went to the local flea market to buy another copy. Which obviously makes perfect sense y'know? Going to a shady flea market instead of buying it at the store. genius. Thanks brain. I saw an old woman with a table full of assorted clothes and shit. So I walked up to her and kindly punched her in the throat before ransacking her shit and finding an assortment of computer CDs in a small box. Amongst those disks was a blank CD that had "Oprah.exe" written on it in hyperrealistic blood red marker. |
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"Holy shit" I said "just what I needed". |
"Holy shit" I said "just what I needed". |
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I ran back to my house and after thoroughly raping my dad's corpse with the same trout he used to beat me with, I put the disk into my |
I ran back to my house and after thoroughly raping my dad's corpse with the same trout he used to beat me with, I put the disk into my MAC and loaded up the DOS prompt. It wasn't before long that the game started and I could once agian enjoy the wonderful Oprah goodness my asshole dad that spent over £40000 in private education destroyed. The title screen came up and I was happy again, but then something odd caught my eye. for 13.37 seconds, the familiar title screen with Oprah and Jackie chan turned into a photo of something greasy that wasn't joe pesci. It was so scary, I nuked North korea again. Fucking commies and fatboy Kim. |
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And then, even stranger, after the title screen instead of the usual file select screen with a dancing Jackie Chan cursor, I got a splash screen that said "0Pr4h w4s ki||" which, being chinese and shit, I couldn't read for the life of me. So I used google translate and it said, "Oprah was Kill" "What the fuck is this" I thought, |
And then, even stranger, after the title screen instead of the usual file select screen with a dancing Jackie Chan cursor, I got a splash screen that said "0Pr4h w4s ki||" which, being chinese and shit, I couldn't read for the life of me. So I used google translate and it said, "Oprah was Kill" "What the fuck is this" I thought, |
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"Oprah can't be dead?! There was no black lives matter protests!". |
"Oprah can't be dead?! There was no black lives matter protests!". |
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I thought this was strange but obviously it was a glitch so I kept going, even though it's the first time I saw it but whatever, the sooner this trainwreck is over the sooner I can go jerk off. The file select screen was a garbled mess of pixels in a colourful monochrome array.Through the mess, I was able to select a save file titled "Gnomes". "Gnomes?" I thought, "that's a gay name, like Austin or Morgan". The intro started but instead of the usual brown field, i was a short pain with Oprah running across it kinda like Sanic. |
I thought this was strange but obviously it was a glitch so I kept going, even though it's the first time I saw it but whatever, the sooner this trainwreck is over the sooner I can go jerk off. The file select screen was a garbled mess of pixels in a colourful monochrome array.Through the mess, I was able to select a save file titled "Gnomes". "Gnomes?" I thought, "that's a gay name, like Austin or Morgan". The intro started but instead of the usual brown field, i was a short pain with Oprah running across it kinda like Sanic. |
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Then she stopped and looked at the screen with an expression I can't explain: anger? sadness? Madness? pizza? i couldn't tell. |
Then she stopped and looked at the screen with an expression I can't explain: anger? sadness? Madness? pizza? i couldn't tell. |
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All of a suddenly, Oprah walked into a door that appeared out of nowhere and came into an area that looked kind of like a sex dungeon. This was definitely not an itch. It was a bootleg game from a shitty flea market. Then Oprah said, "I've had enough of dealing with these crybabies on my show". She pulled out a sharp hypperrealistic knife that was hyperrealistically rendered and covered in hyperrealistic blood! |
All of a suddenly, Oprah walked into a door that appeared out of nowhere and came into an area that looked kind of like a sex dungeon. This was definitely not an itch. It was a bootleg game from a shitty flea market. Then Oprah said, "I've had enough of dealing with these crybabies on my show". She pulled out a sharp hypperrealistic knife that was hyperrealistically rendered and covered in hyperrealistic blood! |
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"Such violence!" I said as she viciously killed a crowd of people in the room. |
"Such violence!" I said as she viciously killed a crowd of people in the room. |
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I couldn't even stop her! I had to watch her kill everyone in the room, Dr Phil walked in and I sighed a sigh of relief: he'd get her straight, "I think you should leave them alone" he said in all his dr-ness. "stfu fggt" Oprah said as she 420 noscoped dr phil and hypperrailistic blood on the dancefloor spurt everywhere. I screamed in fear. Oprah was murdering everybody and I couldn't do a thing to stop it! |
I couldn't even stop her! I had to watch her kill everyone in the room, Dr Phil walked in and I sighed a sigh of relief: he'd get her straight, "I think you should leave them alone" he said in all his dr-ness. "stfu fggt" Oprah said as she 420 noscoped dr phil and hypperrailistic blood on the dancefloor spurt everywhere. I screamed in fear. Oprah was murdering everybody and I couldn't do a thing to stop it! |
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Then, just as all hope was lost, a magnificent voice bellowed, "PLEASE HAVE A SEAT I'M CHRIS HANSEN WITH DATELINE NBC". It was Chirs Hansen! He stepped onto the screen with a blank expression and launched a mass of KKK members to take out Oprah. Then the splash screen from before came back up, but in clear, pure, english: Oprah was kill. |
Then, just as all hope was lost, a magnificent voice bellowed, "PLEASE HAVE A SEAT I'M CHRIS HANSEN WITH DATELINE NBC". It was Chirs Hansen! He stepped onto the screen with a blank expression and launched a mass of KKK members to take out Oprah. Then the splash screen from before came back up, but in clear, pure, english: Oprah was kill. |
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I shut the game off and right when i did, a voice creeped up behind me: "theres a gift for you under your seat". i turned around and an oprah plushie was sitting at the foot of my bed behind me! The scariest part... She was holding.... a dead trout! Then a skeleton appeared and before I knew it, I was dead. Or at least now I am, knowing this story's probably gonna get deleted or some shit. The only thing I can rememebr is the final image of the game: |
I shut the game off and right when i did, a voice creeped up behind me: "theres a gift for you under your seat". i turned around and an oprah plushie was sitting at the foot of my bed behind me! The scariest part... She was holding.... a dead trout! Then a skeleton appeared and before I knew it, I was dead. Or at least now I am, knowing this story's probably gonna get deleted or some shit. The only thing I can rememebr is the final image of the game: |
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[[File:Spookyoprah.png|thumb| |
[[File:Spookyoprah.png|thumb|300px|center]] |
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[[Category:Vidya games]] |
[[Category:Vidya games]] |
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[[Category:Im died]] |
[[Category:Im died]] |
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[[Category:Crappy ms paint drawings]] |
[[Category:Crappy ms paint drawings]] |
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[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]] |
[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]] |
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[[Category:POINTLESS VIOLENCE TOTALLY MAKES IT SCARY U GUIZE]] |