Pope Rand Paul and the Badass American Motherfucking Bacon Church
Senator Rand Paul is currently running for president of the United States of America currently for the 2016 election, however, what many don't know is that he is also secretly planning an assassination on the current Pope Francis so he will successfully become both the president the pope. I was able to encrypt hidden files found in Paul's emails which also included details of an affair between Paul and Obama and the plan to bomb The Young Turks studio.
I was able to find out how Paul will change the ten commandments into "The 10 Americanments" which include:
1. I'm the President of the United States of America and the Pope.
2. Bacon will become the national meal for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and as a midnight snack with Coca Cola.
3. The new American national anthem is "America Fuck Yeah" from Team America: World Police by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
4. Seinfeld will be the only show on television.
5. Only songs by Phil Collins will be played in America, disobeying is punishable by death by impalement with an American Flag.
6. Any other country except America will be referred to as "Inferior Communist Scum Dictatorships".
7. President and Pope Rand Paul will have a picture in every house and apartment.
8. The 50 stars will be replaced with a picture of President and Pope Paul.
9. Shoot every hipster, communist, Nazi, non-American (Unless Phil Collins), and anyone that doesn't like eating bacon on sight.
10. Independence Day is everyday except Tuesday.
Clearly, he is setting up a dictatorship mixed with his love for Seinfeld, Phil Collins, and Bacon. Honestly, this sounds better then anything Hillary Clinton will do, so, VOTE FOR RAND PAUL 2016!