Raisin Bran is the most evil thing that could ever exist.
I walked through the cereal aisle. As I looked for my precious Honey Nut Cheerios, I spotted several others, Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then I spotted it out of the corner of my eye….. Raisin Bran. I immediately dropped to my knees. It was as if the gates of hell had just opened up. I heard screams of anguish and torment, it felt like the inferno of Hades was burning off my flesh.
I cried “WHY DID YOU DO THIS, YOU SICK FUCK?” The Raisin Bran responded “AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF FIBER!” I cried, it seemed as though all hope was gone, then it appeared. A figure that picked up the Raisin Bran, and uppercutted it into the oblivion that it belonged in. I looked at who had saved me from a fate worse than death. It was none other than Danny DeVito.