Run Escape: Difference between revisions

 

Name's Jes, and it all started with me back when I was a young lad in elementary school, well actually I got into RuneScape in kindergarten, but that's neither here or here. I was too busy teasing, and throwing rocks at a couple of kids after lunch. I think their name was Tom and Kyle, and they couldn't stop talking about Sonic the Hedgehog for literally every waking moment of their existence. It was to the point, that other students were alot more ruthless like throwing acid, bleach and lighters at them. It was pretty strange, even for a strange lad like me.

 

Though during our second, union-mandated lunch break at school, we got into a heated discussion about which time-wasting, PDF-file and micro-transaction-ridden game was better: RuneScape or World of Warcraft. Obviously RuneScape was for chads, and WoW was for virgins. Which of course, I wasn't a virgin.

 

Tom and Kyle kept talking about Sonic the Hedgehog as usual though, and mentioned something about 'Sonic.X' or something. I presumed it was a glitch or something, so I continued playing the game. I listened onto their conversation for about 5 years, and with my hyper-realistic hearing, could barely make out them mentioning a 'creepy game'. But the curiosity got the better of me, so I listened onto the conversation for another 5 years. At this point, the bowl of pasta I had in my bowl had turned into blue mold and grown spines over it's head.

 

With my lost appetite and tighter clothes, I left elementary school, saying hi to the 12-year old blind girl I tried asking for date 10 years ago, but she called my rock-throwing skills bad, which hurt my feelings really badly :(. She still said I sucked at throwing pebbles.

 

Oh yeah, I forgot to write the mandatory appearance segment. I was about 50kg (Or 300lbs) by the time I left the lunch room and wore black jeans, black hoodie, black sneakers and a Black Mask (10). The only thing black I didn't have, was my skin though.

 

After opening the door to my room and wiping off the dust off my computer set-up, I was in a mood to boot up my most favorite/hated game, RuneScape, through the Battle.net client. Something seemed to be wrong at the title screen though... I ran out of Membership!? Holy shit, I forgot you need that to actually play this shitty game. Thankfully though, upon barely listening on Tom and Kyle's story back at our second lunch in school, there is always a convenient mailman that appear out of your peripheral vision anywhere.

 

I proceeded to test out this new amazing life hack, and lo and behold, a mailman appeared to knock inside my bathroom door out of my hyper-peripheral vision, which I hesitantly opened. The mailman in-question didn't seem to have a body, and was a skull on the ground, which wore a postman's hat above him which had '''BLOOD!''' ... Oh wait, it was just colored red. Along with that, he had a satchel of mail, that he carried by his succulent mouth.

 

''"Uh, hey there? Do you have the membership card, that I ordered with my frickin' mind?"'' I said through a megaphone.

 

''"..."''

 

Oh yeah, he's just a skull and doesn't have any fucking lungs to speak, so I just dug through the satchel to find a Membership Card in my name, sweet! All seemed pretty ordinary thus far, though upon veeeery closely examining this piece of plastic, I was shocked to discover that the card was written up in hyper-realistic blood, which I examined with a magnifying glass.

 

'<nowiki/>'''DO NOT USE THIS MEMBERSHIP CARD, IT WILL KEEL YOU!''''

 

"Yep, seems pretty legit to me... Waaait a minute!" I whispered out, looking at the card once again through a micro-scope. Yep, still pretty small.

 

The normal membership cards I buy off from the Dark Web usually don't have mentions of 'use', they read like so:

 

'<nowiki/>'''DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME, IT WILL KEEL YOU!''''

 

Now THAT I thought was pretty strange, everything else was pretty normal, like the pitch-black-white-green eyes on the wizard you never actually see on the game itself appearing on the cover, with his back turned and that head of his turned 180 degrees back, standing on a sailing ship. There was also Elvarg, the Cum Dragon using it's sulfur-realistic fire breath to burn down the island behind him, leaving in it's wake, the burnt-down, gorey bodies of it's denizens.

 

''I then instantly died. The End.''

[[Category:Trollpasta]]