Sesame Street: Very Hard Mode: Difference between revisions
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Thermometer (talk | contribs) (Created page with "Dear Reader, There are some things in the world that are probably best left alone. Like why in the FUCK I discovered Sesame Street: Hard Mode. If you haven't read my accoun...") |
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Dear Reader,
There are some things in the world that are probably best left alone.
Like why in the FUCK I discovered Sesame Street: Hard Mode.
If you haven't read my account of that, I'll try to summarize. I stumbled upon Hard Mode after someone off-handedly mentioned the damn thing during a conversation I had been reading online. The thread had went practically silent after that, and yet eventually I still found myself with a copy of the first episode on my computer. Supposedly it was some kind of harder, more intense version of fucking Sesame Street of all things, made for an older audience.
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My computer ended up pretty fucked up after the whole thing, and I'd had to get a new one.
What I should have done was just left whoever or whatever the fuck was responsible for Hard Mode alone.
I didn't.
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The replies were....unusual.
Almost instantly, what was probably a bunch of fucking bots started replying "WHAT THE FUCK?" in all caps, along with several middle finger emojis. The replies came in so fucking fast my browser crashed.
When I opened my browser again, a video immediately began downloading.
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Very_Hard_Mode.mov.
The Jim Henson Logo appeared, but someone had edited fucking blood effects all over it as shitty stock screaming sound effects played. A weird fuckin' picture of the Swedish Chef holding a knife started fading into view as dramatic music began to play and the words "you're next" appeared in Comic Sans.
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The video opened on a fucking pipe organ exploding all over a church.
The explosion kept replaying from several camera angles as the pipes and keys burst everywhere and the rest of the organ caught on fire. The sounds of glass shattering and someone screaming "OH MY GOD
This scene was just kind of...
Then, Grover appeared. He was in front of a black background and drawing on it with a marker somehow.
Grover started talking, but his voice was extremely quiet, and the audio occasionally just fucking shut off completely. I couldn't even really tell what he was saying. The only words I could make out were "music" and "chime". I assumed Grover was here to talk about musical instruments.
Grover started wheeling out a piano, a cello, a violin, and a guitar. He played each instrument briefly, stopping after each one to talk for a moment.
"And now....." Grover said LOUDLY
And that's when he WHIPPED out a fucking detonator and pressed the button, causing a massive fucking explosion and sending him and pieces of wood flying into the screen, causing shitty fake cracks to appear.
When the smoke cleared, a creepy Green Grover puppet with slanted eyes appeared. His voice was EXTREMELY distorted, but he kept swinging fucking wind chimes everywhere, causing more cracks to appear on the screen, and repeating the phrase "Can you hear the chime?"
A text box appeared. I guess he wanted me to answer that.
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Big Bird paused for a moment as a pointer appeared on the screen, allowing me to click on different parts of the globe.
"So....."
Big Bird began,
"WHERE THE FUCK IS PERU?" he shouted with intense RAGE. Big Bird started drawing fucking aliens attacking the globe and covering his drawing with terrible scribble explosions.
"YOU BETTER FUCKIN' FIND IT!" he screamed as MASSIVE explosions began to destroy his surroundings.
"FIND PERU, YOU POO!" he yelled. I didn't appreciate being called a turd, and I began to click the globe angrily as he started making fucking death threats.
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The Count suddenly looked up from his work.
"Ah ah ah! It's you!" he said emphatically. "It is time to continue our journey through mathematics!"
This was the first thing to truly frighten me. Not this Count shit again. I'd already done this once, and that was enough.
The Count returned to scribbling some shit on his paper and held it up.
1 + 1.
The fuck? 1 plus fuckin' 1? THAT was his question?
Well, I wasn't about to argue with something easy right now. A text box appeared just as I expected, and I typed 2.
Except, I didn't.
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The "2" key on my computer suddenly stopped fucking working.
I kept pressing 2, but nothing happened. I tried typing the word "two", but only numbers were allowed.
The Count quickly grew irritated, and, just as I expected him to do, held up a fucking clock and yelled
"Solve my SHIT or DIE!"
It was still shocking, even though I'd seen him do it before.
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Finally, a fucking 2 appeared in the box.
I went to press the "enter" key when suddenly, ALL the fucking "2"'s I had tried to press flooded the box at once.
I was mortified.
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The Count sighed.
The most HORRIFYING music I had ever heard began to play as The Count RIPPED a chainsaw out of the fucking wall and began to start revving it up. "Are you FUCKING STUPID?" The Count HOLLERED.
The Count RAN towards the screen with his chainsaw, screaming. I don't know what I expected to happen, but I actually felt like my life was in danger for a moment.
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The Count dropped the chainsaw by accident and started swearing again as a thick cloud of chainsaw smoke filled the screen and the scene changed, thank God.
We see Kermit the Frog.
Ah, my old favorite.
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Kermit kept making fucking flatline sounds as he thrashed around in his doctor's outfit and whooped.
What the HELL was that bit about? Health? And Kermit? He dated a fucking fat pig!
Then came the last scene.
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"What is the meaning of life?" Oscar asked.
Are you fucking kidding me? A philosophy question?
A text box appeared, but I didn't answer. I wasn't sure what to say.
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As I said once before, dear reader,
If you know how to get to Sesame Street....
Just forget about it.
{{v|Sesame Street: Hard Mode|Sesame Street: Unimaginably Hard Mode}}
{{by|Chimichangar}}
[[Category:Trollpasta]]
[[Category:Lost Episodes]]
[[Category:Excessive Profanity]]
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