Shakespeare's Lost Play.avi.exe.jpg: Difference between revisions

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<p class="MsoNormal">I got home and popped the tape into my Xbox and plugged in my favorite Gamecube usb controller. It wasn’t long before I realized that it wasn’t Starfox 64, or even a video game for that matter. I thought it might be gay porn so I whipped out the Jergens and the tissues just in case. With my dick fully erect and my hopes sky-high, I saw that it wasn’t even gay porn. I was so mad that I sucked my own shorty. 3 seconds passed and I came. It was so shocking to me considering how it took 3 seconds. It usually takes 2. I put my dick away and pressed play.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">A title showed up on the screen saying “Shaykspeerz Lost Plaee”. I laughed very hard at it because they misspelled “lost”. After the title went away, a new title came up and said “The Tragedy of Dicknose Strombolli, Prince of Sextopia”.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">I think vomited at that point, but I’m not sure. This was long ago so I hardly remember. However, I memorized the entire thing so I’ll just type it out for you. Lolz I has good memory!</p>

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<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center">'''<span style="font-size:14.0pt">Act 1</span>'''</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Fifa: My prince, my prince? Where art thou?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Here I am.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Fifa: My prince, what might ye be up to?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Can’t you see my tally drips of the most satisfactory juices?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Fifa: I see. Why is it so small?</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: I’ll have you know that it’s almost 3 inches!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Fifa: Eye, my prince. I must be off. Good eve!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Good eve to you as well, Fifa.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Are you alright, my prince?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Oh how I wish I could place my hands upon her hips, and force her into my royal crotch.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: You must’ve been pulling your tally to her then, right?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Nay, to my late mother.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: I see. Shall I leave you alone then?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Nay, it’s quite alright for you to stay.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Shall I clean up your drippings, my prince?</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: I pray thee, don’t. That’s my dinner.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Shall I scoop it into thy mouth then?</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Please do.</p>

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</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: It’s more complex than you think. For to her, I’m only a prince.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Wouldn’t she like to ride a prince?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Nay, not I. She only wallows with those filthy ghetto types.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Then she is ratchet.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: A most desirable one too. What am I doing telling you all this? Good eve to you! Leave my quarters at once!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: I only have dimes, my prince.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Leave those then.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Eye, my prince.</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: There will be much dead sperm tonight.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Good morrow, King Heisenberg and Prince Dicknose.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Good morrow, Smucks.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Enough lollygagging. Let’s get to business.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: What do you mean, my king?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Dicknose has arranged this meeting for us.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: A meeting? What for?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: We will be discussing my chances with Fifa.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Is she spoken for?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Eye, she is. Married to a man named Jimbles, as I recall.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Oh, sorrow doth fill my mind. Woe is me.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Cheer on, my son, for there’s always a way out.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Father, there is truly not. Oh such pity upon my titty.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Nay, my prince. Your father is right. Let’s plan a heist to kill this wretched Jimbles who separates thy sword from its sheath.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Eye, good Smucks. We shall. Where doth this bloke live?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: I’ll check this year’s censes.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: I shall slice him with my rapier. What might be your weapons of choice?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: My thrice-blessed lance.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Fuck you guys. I’m getting my glock.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: So we invade tomorrow night?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Why not tonight?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: I cannot. For I have high intensity Zumba tonight.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Good God! Have you gone mad?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Nay, just a bit chubby. I must pick up my tutu from the drycleaners now. Good morrow to you both!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Eye, unto you as well. My son, the Royal Ball is tomorrow. What shall you wear?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: I shall not need clothes, for I shall be thrusting all night with Fifa.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: I see. I must be off. The bitch is hungry.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Good morrow.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: I must go and practice my thrusts. I know I shall master the 69!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: Good for you, son.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: Enough chatter! Let’s begin our heist!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Eye! Do you have the time?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: 6:00 pm. The ball begins at 8:00 pm.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: It shall take us wee under an hour to get to Jimbles house from here.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: We have the time. Let’s go.</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: Here we are! I shall try to gain entrance.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Jimbles: Who knocks upon my door?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: I am the one who knocks.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Jimbles: Well you can’t come in!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: It be your king, prince and a random faggot!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Jimbles: By my mother’s tits! I’m coming to the door now!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Jimbles: Why hello! It is my greatest pleasure!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: Suck my dick in hell, Jimbles!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">''Jimbles lies dead.''</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: What the fuck, father?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: What do you mean?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: I thought we were going to use teamwork?</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: Nay.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Well shit. I brought my thrice-blessed lance for nothing then!</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: It’s 7:00 pm now, my son. Go to Fifa and tell her Jimbles stood her up!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Then I shall ask her to go with me! She can’t refuse! She already bought the tickets and there are no refunds! Good eve, bitches!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Fifa: I should stuff my bra!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Messenger: Fifa! You must hear of what happened!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Fifa: Speak of it.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Messenger: Your husband, Jimbles, was murdered about 30 minutes ago! He was shot by a tall, bald and bearded man wearing a sweater!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Fifa: Speak no more of it! I can’t stand the pain! Go thee home!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Fifa: Oh God in heaven, why? He was my sugar daddy! I cannot live without him, and I will not. I shall hang myself in my garden while listening to “Still Loving You” by Scorpions.</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Fifa! You won’t believe it! That little twet stood you up! I guess you’re gonna have to ride my dick, but life goes on!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Fifa? Are you at home? I guess not. I just realized that I’m hungry for some potato yankings. I’ll go look in her garden for some!</p>

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</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: My Fifa, why? I shaved my balls for nothing. I truly wish I could’ve screwed you. My heart doth skip beats and my hand doth pull my meat, since now you’re gone, I have no one to tweet. I swore to myself that if I didn’t fornicate with you on a soon day, I would surely become a gay.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: Fifa lay dead in your arms and not a prayer you speak? This is a blasphemy bigger than my butt cheek.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Phooey on your prayers! Our God has abandoned the both of us.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: You’re still going to the ball, aren’t you?</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Of course! I have to! I shall bring her corpse as my date and we shall make love under the moonlit sky!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: But, she dead.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: I must be off. I’m late as it is. Good eve!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: I should text the king and tell him what’s going on.</p>

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</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Out of the way, bitches! Check out my sick dance moves!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: Where is he?</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: I think he’s the one dancing with the corpse, King Dipshit.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Ah, my friends! Welcome!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: Put her down, son. She’s dead! We must bury her.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: Shut your mouth, fuckface! I’m gonna tap her ass!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: NO! That is grave raping!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: He’s right, son! Put her down, and no one breaks any laws.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Dicknose: I’ll do what I want!</p>

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</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: We tried to stop him.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Smucks: No we didn’t.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Heisenberg: Whatever. Let’s get our fucking groove on!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Well, hello there, beautiful. Let’s get right to deez nuts!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">''Enter Fifa’s Ghost.''</p>

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<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Fifa’s Ghost: Don’t do it! If you do, it will take your soul into an infinite void of darkness.</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Big deal. Fuck you! Oh wait, I’m already gonna do that!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Alright, where was I? Oh yeah! Off comes the dress!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Dicknose: Ah YEEEAAAAH! I came! Oh God that was good. Ouch! My dick is on fire! Help! Oh God, my chest! I need some Tums up in this bitch! NOOOOO!!!</p>

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</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Smucks: Sure!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Heisenberg: Good! Come on back inside then. We have maids waiting for us!</p>

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</p>

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">Morgan Freeman: This was the end of Dicknose Strombolli, Prince of Sextopia. Lust is a powerful thing that can turn men into swine, and swine into Mexicans. It just goes to show, if you want to make love, do it in your bed, and with a lover alive, not already dead. Good eve.</p>

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</p>

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[[Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS]]

[[Category:Vidya games]]