Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lost episode: Difference between revisions
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lost episode (view source)
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I had just gotten back from the doctors, who couldn’t diagnose my condition. All of my vital signs seemed to be mysteriously
I’d always been a fan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as a kid, but then I grew up. And it’s weird going back to the past, because things aren’t how you remember them. Your mind reorders them. It arranges them however it wants. It casts bit players as villains and sets up scenery that never existed because the imagination is a
Well, I had found the dusty VHS in a bin in the garage. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, my favorite. I opened up the sleeve to the VHS to find a picture of a turtle smiling with its mouth open, no teeth but gums visible. Do turtles even have gums? This turtle had gums, I’ll tell you that. And not the kind you chew. Not the kind you chew at all. I could really go for some pizza.
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It was hard to watch the VHS because my condition had made me blind in one eye. With my one seeing good eye, I popped the VHS in, expecting a great program. Instead…I got a program that started to scare me and create a creeping feeling of dread that would persist to this day if I was still around.
The intro played as normal, though instead of
The turtles were in the sewer and I remembered them all clearly, Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo, Rafael. Maybe you never noticed, but they’re all the same animation with different colored bandanas in MS Paint. And all the anchovies on the pizza are actually easter eggs of the artists’ heads drawn in.
Something was…off. Wait a minute. Their heads were two sizes too large, and one of them had a massive eye.
My ear fell off. The doctors told me I was going deaf, but they didn’t tell me that I would actually lose the ear itself. The bloody hole was singing with pain, so I taped some gauze to it and continued watching.
Splinter the rat immediately entered.
I myself suddenly became hungry for a sandwich. I heard a ghostly clattering at the cupboards, but thought nothing of it. As I walked toward the kitchen, my right leg ceased to function and I fell straight down. A two inch nail that had been sticking up from the floorboards became painfully driven into my skull. I thought I smelled something, but then I remembered that my ability to smell had been removed due to my painful condition. I swore I smelled peanut butter. My insides felt like broken glass as I looked down to see that pieces of my stomach were falling out. I pulled the nail out of my skull, bandaged my broken wrist and tried to snap my neck into place as I made a sandwich, then sat back down to watch the program. But first, I called Domino’s and ordered…ordered a pizza.
The fourth and final turtle was shown being burned to death in the hideout as he screamed and melted into googly eyed ice cream. Baxter Stockman had the remains cremated. There was nothing now, no music, no laughter, no return of the turtles. That was it. A shot of the technodrome, the massive spherical building crossing a desolate plain was shown. Inside, Hitler, Stalin, Kim Jong Il, Mussolini and Shredder all plotted to take over the world. Shredder appeared quite happy.
Splinter was dangling by a chain over a pool of water, still sandwiched in the glue trap while his drunken baby rat head poked out.
Shredder unflinchingly cleaned the floor. He was dressed as a cleaning lady now, though he still had the samurai mask on. He was trying to clean blood out of tiles as the interior of the technodrome looked like a massive bathroom.
It gurgled and then fell still. Foot soldiers pulled the chain up, revealing Splinter frozen, mouth agape, teeth glistening and curly rat tail limp. There was a shot of houses with locked doors, people with their head down, and four coffins being lowered into the ground as the end music of the VHS played. Shredder pulled his trademark mask off, revealing…my face. Or maybe not. It was hard to tell as I was almost completely blind, but it looked like my face. It was 9:30 and if I didn’t have a new character designed by 2 AM tomorrow, I’d surely be fired. And where the fuck was my pizza?!?!
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I was having more problems as I had become completely numb from the waist down. My nose fell off like Michael Jackson as I stumbled into the bathroom, vomiting up blood and some of my internal organs. I stumbled into the kitchen, realizing that sandwich I’d eaten earlier had been contaminated. I could’ve called 9-1-1, but instead I stumbled into the kitchen, fumbling through the cupboards and pulling out a can of clam chowder covered in hair. I peeled it open, poured the bowl, hit 69 on the microwave and fell backwards, as my intestines seemed to be bunching up and falling out. I hesitantly pulled them back in and clenched to keep them in place, then I tripped as my eye fell out and was dangling out of its socket. I tried to dice some scallions to put on the chowder but my finger slipped and I chopped off three of the five upper 1/3rd's of my index finger on the right hand. I sneezed, and lacking a nose, my jaw flew off and landed in the sink. My tongue dangled down covered in blood as I tried to put the VHS slipcase back into the player. Something with a massive jaw was crawling toward me, but it was in my blind spot. I heard the wind rustle outside. That better be my fucking pizza.
The blood vessel in my ear had become clotted so my head began to swell with blood and drip out of the bloody nostril holes. I struggled to eat my clam chowder before choking and stumbling into the bathroom. My right kneecap shattered as my broken ankle tripped and smashed into the tile floor. I heard a
Oddly enough, I could
With what was left of my hearing, I could hear my phone ringing. I struggled to pick it up, but slipped under water. I could hear something that sounded like a rat falling inside the wall. It sounded like an animal had tripped. I heard a slick noise as there was some really loud movement against sloshing. I could hear what sounded like an animal crying as it struggled
And that, my friends, is how the TMNT developer’s came up with the character
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