The 4th of July Killer: Difference between revisions

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Like all good stories, we need to start at the beggining. It was around summer. While most young adults my age were hanging out with friends I was sitting in my room, browsing the primitive interwebs because I had no friends because I was being such a pretentious cunt. After finding a shitload of porn that probably got me on some sort of FBI list I came across this internet fenomenon. The scary campfire stories. What a spook I had. No I mean seriously, they scared me so much I asked my parents if I could sleep with them and my dad told me to fuck off. What a fucking cunt, anyway, the stories that I was a fan of were these "the killer stories" which took no talent yet got so popular. You didnt even have to try, you just put your self insert into a scenario and by the end he goes insane and murders people.
 
Me being a fucking retardmoron, I thought the stories were legit, never once did I consider that its just fiction. So after listening to Limp Bizkit for a while I decided that it was my time to get fame. I decided to follow the horror movie pattern and just commit my murder spree on the closest holiday. 4th of July. What a fucking anti-climatic piece of shit fucking holiday, but I had no other fucking choice since I'm an asshole that lacks patience.It was time to plan out the massacre that was to follow. Obviously it had to be thematic. If it were christmas I'd dress as Santa or if it was Halloween as a skeleton or some shit,but no, it had to be 4th of July of all fucking things.I'm still fucking bitter about that.
 
So I needed to dress as the iconic american president George Bush.My weapon of choice? Fire crackers. How fitting since George Bush is known for blowing buildings up. So I went to the fucking store and what do you fucking know, they didnt sell the powerful shit that could kill someone to kids.Fucking American laws, now I was fucking determined to tarnish the day this piece of shit fucking country was founded.So I went to my cousin that lived in a trailer park to see if he had something to sell. That fucking asshole was expecting me to pay him actual money to buy the firecrackers. What the fuck, why would he do that to his own fucking relative. This capitalistic system had to go down.
 
So after asking my dad for money and him telling me to get a fucking job I bought the firecrackers.He told me "be careful not to blow your fingers off you fucking retardmoron".I waited one full month for the 4th of July, the day before i had the plan laid out, the George Bush costume was done and I had exercised my Tennessee accent. After the clock struck 12 AM. it was go time.That was when I got fucked over really hard. My dad told me to get into the car because we were going to visit relatives. "Fuck!" I thought to myself.After throwing a tandrum he got me into the car and we drove off.
 
That party was one of the most annoying experiences of my fucking life. Annoying fucking kids screaming and shit music was playing. It was about 3AM that my bitching got my family to drive back home. They asked us to sleep the night there and go in the morning but my dad said that he had enough of me crying.So we got home at about 5AM. My parents went to sleep. It was go time now.
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To this day my dad brings that up everytime around the 4th of July, and everytime I try to pick something up with my right hand I drop it.
[[Category:Trollpasta]]
[[Category:Holidays]]
[[Category:Excessive Profanity]]
[[Category:Stupid is as the main character does]]
[[Category:TrollpastaEnglish Class Failure]]
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