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The Goblin Conspiracy
Hello. My name is Bob and I am a Goblinologist. Now this may sound like
Goblins are a difficult subject mainly because they cover their fucked-up faces with the socks they steal. They have been sighted by millions around the world and there have been countless vicious attacks on unsuspecting members of the public planned out by the Goblin Council. But the Illuminati has been covering it up in the media by calling them Mexicans. So this proves that Donald Trump knows about them and is trying to get them out of America. He wants to build a wall to keep the Goblins out.
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Anyway, enough about Donald Trump. This is my story about my encounter with a Master Goblin and his army of Goblin Children.
It was a sunny day in Philadelphia Chinatown. I was getting my noodle flavoured vape juice and bootleg vape accessories because
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So I was testing out my new custom vape pen when I heard a scratching behind me. I passed it off as a glitch and continued into the crossfit building just outside of Chinatown. I got into the building when I was greeted with a basket of assorted vegan snacks. I ate one and told everyone in the building I was vegan. I was expecting them to give me a medal for doing such an amazing feat. WHY
After I was congratulating myself for a good vape sesh and being vegan, I heard a scratching noise again. Turns out I left my sock on vibrate mode again. How could I be so foolish?
I took my crusty, dirty and sweaty socks to the laundry room in my apartment building and put them in. I fell asleep on top of the washing machine and was awoken by a little giggle. I woke up to see a gnome. It was an evil gnome and he was spouting something
I asked the gnome for his name and he just turned around and said
I have no idea what this means but by the time my brain had processed what had just happened to me the little gnome scurried off.
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It was my sock.
Maybe these guys
But then they stole my noodle vape juice.
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Those little bastards stole my custom bootleg vape pen. That shit cost me five thousand dollars (not tree fiddy fuck you Nessie).
Because they stole my priceless vape pen I
I went insane. I went on a massive rampage and squashed all of their little faces in. But before I could kill the last one to get my vape pen back, he snapped it.
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I woke up the next morning. I went to get dressed and got ready for my morning jog to the vape store in Chinatown. But I opened my sock drawer only to find every single sock I have ever owned missing. Just gone.
Those little bastards. But then I realised that I had killed all of them yesterday. But then Donald Trump came down into my apartment in a black CIA helicopter and told me that all Mexican citizens were actually many goblins standing up on each
Wow. I actually
Donald Trump also explained to me how Goblins are the root of all negative things: Rape, murder and high crime rates to name a few.
Mr. Trump handed me an AR-15 and told me that we would be landing in Mexico city in 4 hours and to get ready to commence operation F.A.G.G.O.T.
We flew off into the sunset as the sun slowly morphed into Donald
The End.
And the Goblins will get you if you
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