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==Chapter 1==
 
One day, Mickey Mouse was practicing golf and heard the epic scream of a madman…madman... boy…boy... fuck it; I'm not trying with this story anyway. So anyway, Mickey heard an epic scream of a something. He went into the woods…woods... and saw an MLG battle taking place between Thomas and Jeff The Killer with Valory, Valory Hudson on the side; she was cheering Thomas on with obvious bloodlust. Jeff shanked Thomas in the arm, sending hyper-realistic blood squirting everywhere. It was then that Valory, Valory Hudson saw Mickey Mouse hiding behind a tree, watching the epic battle. Before Valory, Valory Hudson could say anything to Thomas, Freddy Fazbear jumped out of the underbrush and attempted to bite Valory, Valory Hudson's face off! Oh noes! Before he could manage, Massfire teleported in front of Valory, Valory Hudson and stabbed Freddy Fazbear in the face.
 
"Get REKT, Scrublord!" Massfire roared. Freddy Fazbear stumbled back, attempting to rip the sword out of his face.
 
"Fuckwad!" Freddy screamed. "How DARE you do that to my PERFECT face!" Mickey Mouse gets ready to run away, but is distracted by a stripped Ruby Rose humping a tree. He is completely mesmerized by the HOT stripping Ruby. She noticed Mickey Mouse staring at her…her... longingly, and goes full Twilight Princess Link and turns into a wolf. She ran away with incredible speed, and Tiger Woods turned his attention back to the EPIC FUCKING BATTLE going on directly in front of him. Then, out of fucking nowhere because I don't give two shits about continuity, The Ninjabread Man jumped up in front of Mickey and kicked him in the face, knocking him out cold. Massfire glanced over at the body of Mickey Mouse that was currently being tied up by the Ninjabread Man, perhaps in bondage, and laughed.
 
"Fucking noob. Get rekt, skrublord." Everybody was so distracted that they didn't even see Pedobear staring at them, furiously masturbating in the background. This has no BEARing on the plot; I just wanted to mention it. Suddenly, Big The Cat fazed out of the ground.
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"Son of a bitch." Big laughed. "What a pussy." Out of nowhere, Ruby in wolf form ran out from the woods and jumped on Big. She started humping his chest spastically.
 
"Love nectar…nectar..." Massfire whispered. "Love nectar everywhere." Took the words right out of my mouth, you fourth wall breaking son of a bitch. Big turned to Massfire, an angry expression on his face.
 
"You're ass is grass." Big growled. "And I'm the weedwhacker." Massfire glanced at him, and stabbed Big in the chest.
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==Chapter 2==
 
All the fighting just kind of…of... died down after this. Don't worry, I'll be sure never to explain this as to not confuse your delicate minds with too many horribly confusing plot points. I'm SURE it would be better to just have everything be Deus Ex Machina. Anyhoozers, the group was talking on laughing, suddenly putting their differences aside, until a temporal vortex just sorta…sorta... appeared out of thin air and a naked man fell out, an 11 year old girl behind him. He jumped to his feet and noticed the Ninjabread man doing…doing... things with Mickey Mouse, and a hungry look appeared in his eyes. He ran towards the cookie and grabbed him in his iron grip. He shoved the cookie's head in his mouth, The Ninjabread Man's screams echoing through the air, and bit down. He chewed and swallowed the cookie's head and soon devoured the rest of the delicious cookie. He then turned to the group, a grin on his face. Massfire could see the bits of frosting staining his white teeth.
 
"Tanner Johns." Massfire said, smirking. "And your 11 year old sister; Lex Luthur. Remember when I told you to NEVER COME TO ME AGAIN?! So may I ask, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?!" Tanner smiled like an innocent child.
 
"Well, I remember your…your... threats Massfire." He said. "But…But... I don't have any other choice. Last night my fucking HOT sister and I were going to do the sex, but we were stopped when we heard and 8-bit Kefka laugh. When we went to investigate, we say X and Weejee doing…doing... things. We don't really know what was happening, but if X and Weejee are parts of it…it... it must be evil, essepically if there was a KEFKA laugh!" You see dear reader, Tanner has a sister complex. It was then that Jontron phased into existence and looked started screaming at me, the author who was currently hovering in the air on a Lakitu cloud.
 
"A sister complex?" He screamed. "Oh, well why not just add a FUCKING cameo by Luke Skywalker? THE POSSIBILITES ARE ENDLESS WHEN YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" A badly photo-shopped picture of Luke Skywalker then flew across the screen.
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"Yes." He said to Massfire. "Yes there is." He wiped the love nectar off on his thigh and then looked at Tanner.
 
"I'm going to help, too." He said. "I've had a run-in with The Cult of X. One day, I found someone on the side of the street, and tried to drag her into the forest…forest... of course she was willing! Then, some fuckers from The Cult of X came along and shot the girl. My penis instantly wilted and I was filled with sadness. I made it my goal from that day to destroy The Cult of X." His eyes sparkled as he spoke of his past. Massfire quickly shoved him to the side.
 
"No." Massfire roared. "Why the hell would we let you help us?! All you do is masturbate and fuck young children! Get out of my sight." Pedobear looked hurt.
 
"But…But..." He whimpered. "But that's generalizing pedobears. I'm not like the rest, I truly want to help you." Massfire didn't even glance at Pedobear.
 
"NO!" Massfire stated. "Get out of here!" Pedobear fell to his knees and started sobbing. Everybody put their hands to their ears and Valory, Valory Hudson walked over to Massfire.
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"Sorry about that." He said. "I'm truly glad that fucker's dead. He would've been a liability. Pay that no mind, what's bothering you?" Valory, Valory Hudson looked at Massfire, tears in her eyes.
 
"That…That... Duke Nukem cat killed Thomas." She sniffled. Massfire's eyes grew wide, and he stood up.
 
"Well, that's my cue to leave." He said. "I don't care. Don't speak to me again." He walked away fast and leaned against a tree. He saw Ruby and Big fucking each other and he shook his head quietly.
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"Now, back to business." He growled. "Where's that DAMN fourth Chaos Emerald!?" Blood started pouring out of Laura's harp that she wore on her back.
 
"Don't worry about it." Laura told Tails Doll when she saw him staring at it. "That just kind of…of... happens occasionally." Tails Doll nodded slowly, a
skeptical look on his face.
 
"Anyway, you are no longer of use to me." Tails Doll growled, pointing his machine gun at her. "If you can't tell me where that DAMN fourth Chaos Emerald is, DIE!" He mowed Laura down into a bloody lump and put away his gun. He turned and saw a figure in a brown cloak walking into the room.
 
"I know it's never good to interrupt you during business hours." The figure said in a deep voice. "So I waited for you to finish. I need some information on your…your... previous partner." Tails Doll grinned and clapped his hands, turning the lights on.
 
"Of course, friend!" Tails Doll cheered. "You can take the cloak off." Massfire threw the cloak he wore to the side.
 
"I'm glad you remember me." He said, smirking. "I'm even more glad that you didn't force me to kill you. So, about…about..."
 
"Sonic.EXE." Tails Doll interrupted. "Yes, I know his current whereabouts. What's in it for me." Massfire started laughing.
 
"His death." He answered. "Along with Weejee, his sidekick. So…So... you in?" Tails Doll grew a side smirk.
 
"Well, I can't argue with that." He laughed. "I'm in. Sonic.EXE, also known as X has his own fucking CASTLE located on the edge of Jeff The Killer's hometown and Wankerville.  On the cliff that separates them, you will find the castle; be careful, though. Somehow, he got the Underworld's Devourer of Souls to live in the bottom of the cliff. Don't ask me how he got it to live there, it's probably a secret to everybody." Massfire nodded when Tails Doll finished his two hour long monologue.
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==Chapter 4==
 
Fifty thousand years later, Massfire and the group were looking up at the massive castle of X, the shittiest castle for the shittiest…shittiest... game? Demon? Villain? Cunt? Probably that last one. The castle was literally a long staircase up to the top of the castle-tower. There was indeed a massive chasm beside the tower, red smoke rising from its depths.
 
"Valory, Valory Hudson." Massfire said. "You still got the mental drugs from the Wankerville Hospital?"
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"Then yes, we are ready." Massfire said. "Let's go." They walked through the front door (Which was unlocked.) and started climbing the long staircase. After seventeen trillion years, they made it to the top. The top of the tower was somehow the size of a blimp top, even though it should be the size of a dinner table.
 
"You have finally made it." A deep and gravely voice growled from nowhere. "It took you long enough. I am X, I am God…God..." Massfire suddenly cut the voice off.
 
"Yeah, and I'm Kim Jong Un." He said. Lightning struck the side of the tower roof.
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"You will all feel the might of God!" It laughed. A blast of energy that I just decided X has emitted from the plushee, knocking the group the ground. He rose in the air, ready to finish the group off when, in a flash of light, a tall figure wielding to daggers appeared, knocking the plushee to the ground. The attack knocked the plushee out.
 
"Who…Who..." Massfire started.
 
"The name's Balance." The person said. "I believe we're equal now, Massfire." Balance then noticed the presence of me hovering in my lakitu cloud.
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"What are you talking about?" I asked. "There was nobody here." He turned to see Big The Cat finishing the Sonic plushee off.
 
"But there was…was..." He started, but Valory, Valory Hudson cut him off.
 
"What are you talking about, Massfire?" She asked. "Big killed X the second he appeared. There was nobody but us here."
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body.
 
"Massfire…Massfire..." He heard a voice croak. He turned to see Valory, Valory Hudson on the ground, her legs were smashed the second she hit the ground. "Please…Please.... Help me…me..." Massfire walked up and drew his sword.
 
"Wait…Wait..." Valory, Valory Hudson gasped. "What are you doing?" Without another word, Massfire ripped Valory, Valory Hudson't body apart, putting her out of her misery. Without anything else to do in his current location, he decided to teleport away. He ended up at the entrance of X's castle, anger flowing through him. My betrayal was the last straw for him in this universe.
 
"There you are Massfire." A voice said from behind him. "It's time for you to go to sleep." Before Massfire could see who was talking, he was struck in the head from behind with a frying pan. Pedobear threw the frying pan to the side and started dragging Massfire to his Ferrari, throwing him into the trunk. With the deed done, he started driving home. As to keep this story from going on the Deep Web, I'm going to stop following them for a while. I decided that, since they were the only ones left, I would go and follow the rest of the group. When I got to them, it seemed that Big and Ruby had gone off with each other, and Freddy Fazbear just kind of imploded in on himself, leaving only Tanner and Lex.
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"I wholeheartedly agree." He said. "We just have to find out where he is, first."
 
"Before we go, you think we can…can... you know." He stammered. Lex walked up and slapped Tanner in the face.
 
"Of course not!" She spat. "We have to kill that guy first." Tanner stretched his arms out.
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"Well, should we go?" She asked. Before Tanner could answer, somebody emerging from behind a tree said something.
 
"Not without me." Massfire said, shriveled…shriveled... something in hand.
 
"Massfire!" Lex squealed. "It's so good to see you. What happened up there?" Massfire stayed silent for a moment before answering.
 
"Nothing good." He answered. "Valory, Valory Hudson and Mickey Mouse are both dead, ripped apart in The Devourer of Souls' stomach. When I got out…out.... Pedobear kidnapped me. He's dead now, I'm holding the only thing that remains; his shriveled penis." He threw the shriveled penis that he held on the ground and stomped it into the dust. There was a glint of pained anger in his eye as he turned back to Tanner and Lex.
 
"So, you're planning on killing that fucker?" He asked. They merely nodded.
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