The LL Cool J Anomaly: Difference between revisions

==December 19, 2016==

I just watched NCIS: Los Angeles. I was watching my favorite episode, Legend (Part 1), when  I noticed something weird about it. Throughout the entire episode, Sam Hanna looked like he was decaying, and then a foul odor came out of my TV. I was very spooked, but I watched the Next Episode. And by that, I mean the Next Episode by Dr. Dre ft.  Snoop Dogg, Kurupt, and Nate Dogg. I got to the part where Nate Dogg was supposed to say "SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY", but instead, the decayed Sam Hanna killed Nate Dogg and blood flew everywhere. Sam then looked at me and said, "And ya radio's def when my record's on!" before my computer exploded. FUCK! Now how am I supposed to get my daily quota of porn? Well, I guess I'm limited to fapping to Victoria's Secret ads until I get enough money to buy a new computer. But aside from that, Sam's last words have been stuck in my head ever since I heard them a few seconds ago. I'm a little freaked out, but I'm sure I'm just overreacting.

I'm a  shitty father. I broke in to a Walmart today to get my daughter26-year-old stepdaughter a My Little GI Joeformers Pets toy because I forgot to get her a gift. After I ran away from the fuzz, I merrily  walked home. On my walk, however, I saw a corpse. Being the fucking pussy I am, I ran away. I went home to see my daughterstepdaughter, but I saw that she was hanging from the ceiling fan by a belt. I fell to my knees, crying tears of joy! Now I don't need to pay child support anymore! I prayed to Vishnu, thanking him for making my daughterstepdaughter kill herself. After I finished praying, I decided  to whip out the grill and cook her, except for her reproductive organ. I'm going to use that for... educational purposes...

I just found my daughterstepdaughter's suicide note. The note read, "Ladies Love Cool James". MOTHER OF FUCK!  I invited Vishnu over to eat my daughterstepdaughter's corpse to thank him for his work, and now I find out that LL Cool J killed her. I'm going to kill that son of a bitch Vishnu and get my 5 dollars back. I need to find LL Cool J and thank him. But for now, I need to find a place to sell my new homemade fleshlight. I could sell it on Amazon. Or eBay. Craigslist, even. But, if I want to be secretive about it, I should sell it on the Silk Road, so I don't get arrested for making a fleshlight out of human parts. OH SHIT! You did not read that. Fuck you NSA!

Hillary is getting inaugurated tomorrow. I'm thoroughly pissed, mainly because I voted for Ted Cruz. But, that's aside the point. The point is that I went back to the corpse today. I had to man up first. So I ate a fuckton of protein powder for 24  hours straight. Then, I was ready. I went back to the corpse and inspected it.  The DNA sample I took from it proved that it was none other than LL Cool J. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How the fuck could this fucked up shit fucking happpen? I then defiled his corpse until I found a note. It read, "PATRIXXX CANT STEP TO ME". Did LL Cool J's killer also kill EVIL PATRIXXX? Thanks Obama!

Sorry for the hiatus. Shit has gotten real when I was gone. The day I found LL Cool J's corpse, I was rapedgroped by Bill Cosby. I reported it, but Anita Sarkeesian stabbed me in the leg. I punched her, but I was sent to prison for assault. As I was in prison, I converted to IslamMormonism. Now I pray to Allah every night. The next day, I was released from prison and found Vishnu. I killed him and got my 5 dollars back. To celebrate, I decided to go to the pub and order  a diet soda. Then, as I drank it, I realized that I was slipped some roofies. I fell into a deep sleep. When I awoke, I realized that I was in an Illuminati concentration camp. I was scared. So scared that a skeleton popped out of me. Now there I was. A skinless skeletal structure in an Illuminati concentration camp. I had to formulate a plan to escape. Then, I realized that Slender Man was my cellmate. HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS! I decided to film a tentacle hentai with him. Then, I asked him to help me escape, and he said, in these exact words, "Okay, you dirty piece of shit." I rode on his back as he stretched past the gates of the concentration camp. As we left, I saw a terrifying face. It was an evil LL Cool J. Then, EVIL PATRIXXX appeared and almost killed the creature I will now dub EVIL LLCOOLJXXX. The creature, however, vanished. Then, like that, I was now in the past. Oh shit. I fucked up really bad.