The LambSauce Wars: BeastMode: Difference between revisions
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{{NSFW}}
==Part 1==
I woke up screaming again
Only this time I
I snickered "they sure as shit bled like us.
"NO NO NO NO
"It
"Here, take this to the chamber, and fucking lock it this time.
==Part 2==
"Screw it, this is something I need to do in person" I thought to myself as I put on my My Little Pony limited Edition tactical backpack and mounted up on my new 53XY motorcycle. I lit a cigar and looked forward in the D4NK357 way I could. I kicked it into gear and did a 369 donut and left for the temple to meet with Gordon.
Gordon knew something was wrong. He called all the monks to the main chamber. It didn't take long for Gordon's suspicions be proven true. The storm was much closer, and in a massive flash of lightning, a figure came from the skies. Gordon couldn't see the entity's details, but he could tell it wasn't the soy-ridden fuck he's tangled with in the past. He ordered the monks behind him as the figure touched down. Finally, the figure stepped out from the bolts of lightning. The figure was massive, and thicc as fuk. He hawt muscles protruded from his t-shirt that was 2 sizes too small. His arms were covered in pressure bands, his long hair peeking out from his backwards hat. And perhaps the most terrifying of all...was his thick, flowing, beard. Gordon stepped back, but was determined to defend the temple and the freshly made sauce. The man took a step forward and spoke:
"hello....L.A. Beast here. Today, I am gonna rek your shit, and take your LambSauce." The beast then produced a bottle of Crystal Pepsi and chugged that shit like a baws.
"WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK UP YOUR GAY BOLT OF LIGHTNING AND FUCK OFF" Gordon yelled over the storm.
"...no" The beast remarked, and unleashed a massive flow of crystal pepsi vomit from his mouth. Gordon narrowly dodged the vomit, but the monks weren't so lucky. The poor fucks screamed as they melted into a puddle of nothing. Gordon was horrified, but didn't waiver. It was mono e mono, lol.
"Gordon, I like you, I think you're a pretty cool dude. But if you don't step out of the way and let me get the sauce, then I'm gonna have to move you myself."
Gordon was more than intimidated by this.....beast (lol) but he steeled his soul and resisted.
"Go fuck yourself" he screamed and summoned his most powerful spell.
"CUMMY CUMMY YUUUUUM" Gordon screamed as a massive blast of ethereal sauce launched straight at the LA Beast.
"Amateur" Beast remarked and caught the blast in his hand..his bare fucking hand. And launched it right back at Gordon. Gordon's eyes grew wide as he was engulfed by his own spell. He screamed as he was torn apart by the blast, and once the attack had ended....Gordon was nothing more than a pile of ashes. Not even his chefs shirt remained.
"Weakling" Beast remarked to the empty temple. But he wasn't alone. At the door of the temple stood a frozen raiden, brought down to his knees by the sight of his master being turned to nothing. He got back to his feet, pulled out a massive attack dildo from his tactical MLP backpack, and charged. Beast knew he was there the entire time, and dodged the brutal dildo attack, spun around, and got Raiden by the throat and picked the fuck off the ground by his throat. Raiden kicked his feet trying to find the ground, but the Beast's grasp was solid. He finally choked out a single phrase. "F-fuck you.." Raiden managed to say. Beats laughed in his face and drew back his pepsi powered fist. The LA beast had his own final phrase.
"Thanks for watching me assfuck your master. Have a good day.....in hell" and decapitated Raiden in a single punch. Watching in satisfaction as Raiden head flew out the temple in a bloody arch.
The LambSauce was his for the taking. The LA Beast made his way through the empty temple to the room hidden in the chambers below. Finally, he found the lockbox that held the sauce. Beast.
"I don't have time for this" Beast thought to himself and punched through the hardwood box as if it were cardboard. Finally, he held the sauce in his hand, he could feel the pulsating power of the sauce make its way through his body from his hand. Just then his phone rang. Beast begrudgingly answered
"THE FUCK DO YOU WANT I'M BUSY CLUTCHIN"
"....you do it?"
"Yes, Gordon is no more, and I even got his fuckbuddy."
"Good. He may not have been a threat, but he would go to the grave with Gordon. Sounds like he did just that. Since I told you where he was, I get half of the sauce."
LA Beast laughed "YOU GET AN EIGHTH, LIKE WHAT WE AGREED TO. DON'T FUCK WITH ME, KEEMSTAR."
Daniel sighed "fine, just get your ass back here so we can divide it out." The LA Beast hung up the phone, and flew back into the clouds in a flash of lightning.
==Part 3==
"Rise, son of the sauce. Your service isn't over yet." the angelic voice told me. I woke up face down on the hard ground. My whole body was sore and I had a stabbing headache. I sat up and my vision started to come back to me, blurry at first, but eventually cleared. Wherever I was had a red tint to literally everything. Everything was either made out of stone or some organic material. As I started to become more acclimated to my surroundings I could feel the intense heat of the room. Then I noticed the bad cummies in my pants. I had a feeling the cummies were the least of my problems. I got to my feet and saw a small opening. I limped my aching body towards the opening, unprepared for what was on the other side. The small room I was in opened up to a massive space that looked to go on forever. AND THERE WAS GORDON, unconscious on the ground. My dick perked up and I absolutely had to masturbate. So I took 2.34 hours to wank it, and once I finished I went to help him. I rolled him onto his back, and his gorgeous blue eyes opened up to meet mine. I've seen this exact seen in literally dozens of amines. I leaned in for a kiss, only to be met with a swift bitch slap. Being dominated gave me even more bad cummies as Gordon shoved me off him as he sat up'''.'''
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU FUCKING DUMBASS." he screamed before realizing where he was.
"Oh shit....it's real." he stammered. I got back on my feet after the massive bitch slap.
"What?" I said
"Raiden, do you know where we are?" Gordon asked
"I assumed it was another sex torture basement."
"No you brainlet....it's hell. We're in hell."
"I thought hell was supposed to hurt."
"Guess we'll find out." Gordon said and motioned for me to follow him then I stopped.
"Wait, wheres Keem?" I asked
Gordon turned back around. "You're right, Daniel-san isn't here. We'll figure that out later, we have more pressing matters."
We continued on our journey through hell.
==Part 4==
"Gordon. I've noticed something. Are you tired, hungry, thirsty, or anything of the sort?"
"Now that you bring it up, Raiden, you're right. We must really be dead. Speaking of, how did you end up dead?" Gordon asked
"Well, I was gonna tell you that I was......."
'''
"Wanting to get some training in the art of the sauce, but when I showed up that thicc boi turned you into literally nothing. I tried to stop him, but he decapitated me with a single punch."
"Wow you got rekt. But tell you what, if we somehow get out of hell. I'll show you some low-level spells. Nothing crazy, but enough for you to get started." gordon said optimistically
"..if?" I asked
"Yeah, if.....Raiden, hell is nothing like Earth. It's not even in the same DIMENSION as Earth. The ancient sauce scriptures brought up Hell multiple times. It's next to impossible to escape, but they say there's a way to do it." He trailed off, but continued
"From what the scriptures said. Hell is a bit like Dante's version of hell. Layered. The top isn't that bad, but the deeper you go, the worse it gets. Lucky for us, we were placed in the "waiting room" for Hell, at the very tiptop. However, for us to get out, we gotta journey through all the layers all the way to the bottom. But lucky for us I got this necklace....."
Gordon looked down to his sauce necklace only to see that the scepter was broken, and all the sauce had leaked out. He sighed, but steeled himself.
"
We finally reached the end of the "waiting room.
Lol,
Plus,
Soy. Why the fuck does soy ring a bell? I pondered where I heard it, until it hit me.
"THE
"Who?
"From the other timeline, the ones that ate literally nothing but soy.
The look of realization filled
Gordon laughed and grabbed me by muh dik.
"
==Part 5==
Keem was busy testing out new recipes for his restaurant when in a flash of lightning the Beast appeared in his kitchen.
"HOLY FUCK SHIT. FUCK OFF BEAST,
"
Keem snarled, but knew he was in no room to negotiate.
"
LA Beast raised his hand palm up, and in a small bolt of lightning the bottle was resting in his hand. He could tell that Keem was desperate for the sauce. But just as he started pouring
"Hey
The LA Beast turned around to see Keem conjuring up a powerful sauce spell.
"Eat
"Serves you right, dumbass. How about you actually study a spell next time you try to betray someone like that. Not like
Beast disappeared in a bolt of lightning as Keem laid on the floor, barely breathing.
==Part 6
Gordon used a spell to stop us before we hit the ground. Well, stop HIM. I hit the ground dick first and felt something bust, but now was not the time for tears. For what was in front of us was truly sickening. Millions of soy ridden degenerates trying their hardest to get at a single bag of soy hanging from a rope just out of reach. There were tearing eachother bit by bit just for a chance to get the soy, but alas, nobody ever reached the substance. And either fell into the bloody moshpit, or had their body torn to bits by the ravenous
"Yep,
"It would be good to have a guide for us. But I must ask, why are so bent on trying to find her?
I looked gordon right in those baby blues
"Because I need some fucking pussy. I
Gordon looked at me like I was a
"well, quit wearing a fedora and trench coat with sweatpants for one. Another is to quit referring to it as "
"At this point
"Whatever, but
With that Gordon summoned up a spell. A blue aura illuminated his fist as he jumped in the air and punched the ground. The ground rumbled as the blue aura left his hand and made its way into the crowd.
"There. Follow that blue line. It will lead you straight to her. But
"Got it.
==Part 7==
Even with their bodies destroyed with the cancer that is soy and having a muscle mass equivalent to that of a 10 year old african girl they still were surprisingly efficient in killing one another. Most of them used their arms and legs, but a few got smart and used their teeth, rocks, and weapons fashioned from the bones of other soyboys. A few had formed alliances, these teams were the most successful in killing their opponents, but it was mostly a huge free for all. The most dependent on soy had turned to cannibalism and drinking the blood of dead hipsters in an effort to satisfy the insatiable hunger. The blue line Gordon had made for me was next to impossible to see with the blood that covered the ground. Finally after what felt like eternity I made it through the massive melee. I was covered in scratches, bitemarks, and blood that wasn't mine. The blue line led to an opening in the rock wall. I slowly made my way towards the opening and stuck my head in.'''<br>
'''
"Hey you in here? I swear
Rather than being met with a fuckable hipster, I was met with a sharpened stick jabbed right into my fucking eye. I fell back onto the bloody ground.
"AAAAAAH WHAT THE FUCK YOU GODDAMN BACKWARDS HIPSTER CUNT YOU GOT ME RIGHT IN THE GODDAMN FUCKING EYE!!!
The girl stuck her head out of the cave entrance. "Do...do I know you? I feel like
The girl then pulled out some piece of shit camera from the fucking wild west days and took a close up of my destroyed eye. "
I looked at her through my one good eye. Definitely who i was looking for. I pulled the stick from my ruined eye and held my hand over my eyehole.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH I LITERALLY GO THROUGH HELL TO GET YOUR STUPID ASS AND YOU IMPALE ME IN THE EYE WITH A FUCKING STICK. FUCK IT, WE GOTTA GET THROUGH THIS FUCKING SHITHOLE BACK TO
I grabbed her by the arm and drug her through the sea of ravenous hipsters. We were directly above the powdered soy when I felt her get the jitters. I looked behind me to see her staring directly at the soy, a small bit a saliva dripping from her mouth. I gave her a hard tug and drug her back to Gordon, who was sitting on a rock watching the bloodshed.
"Took you long enough. Holy shit your eye is fucking gross. Normally
Gordon reached into his satchel and pulled out a black eyepatch. I placed it over my eye and looked at my reflection in a particularly deep pool of blood. I looked pretty fucking awesome.
Line 260 ⟶ 203:
Gordon then turned his attention towards the girl
"Now you. I must say, you look a whole lot better than the last time I saw you. Having teeth will do that to a person. First of all,
"
I looked to Gordon "My lucky number.
"Shut the fuck up.
Max continued. "I remember...hurting. Everything hurting. I remember barely being able to speak. I remember eating berries and the pain going away. I
"The blue haired
"....
"Is she here as well?
"No...
"
"That it is, but it sounds like we
Max shivered "the bottom layer is for the worst of the worst, why go through all that when you can stay up here in relative comfort as far as Hell is concerned?
"Because...
"Will you do it?
Max appeared to ponder the question then spoke: "I
"Lead the
==Part 8==
"LA BEAST HERE TODAY I AM GONNA SNORT THIS LINE OF LAMBSAUCE AND ABSORB ALL OF ITS POWERS. ONCE I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY SNORTED ALL OF THE SAUCE I WILL THEN TAKE THE CITIES AND KILL LITERALLY EVERYONE. ANY OF YOU CUCKS THAT ARE SPARED WILL BE ENSLAVED AND USED AS FODDER AGAINST WHOMEVER STANDS AGAINST ME"
The Beast then pulled out the sauce and created a massive line. He pulled out a massive straw and stuck it straight up his nose and to his fucking brain.
"Have a good
The beast then snorted the whole line in 6.9 seconds flat. He screamed a guttural roar as his muscles bulged out from his t-shirt so much the sweat bands on his arms snapped like they were nothing. His eyes lit up in a bright red flare. He grew to twice his size and his voice dropped 3 octaves. He then disappeared in a flash of lightning. The camera still recording.
Meanwhile in hell us 3 sexy adventurers made our way down to the second layer of Hell. My eye hurt as hell, but the cool factor of having an eyepatch made the pain worth it. Gordon seemed to be enjoying himself, and Max was still having soy withdrawals.As we made our way down the staircase Max stopped
"What is it?
"
"There is? Is it easier than going through all the layers of hell?
"Very much so...
"But what? BUT WHAT!
"
I perked up "OH I GET IT. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU GET SOMETHING BUT IT COSTS YOUR
"Pretty
Gordon stood there weighing the pros and cons of each.
"Take us there.
She did what was asked of her and we made our way towards...wherever we were going.
==Part 9
In no time at all we were in a circular room. Unlike
"The fuck do you fuccs want?
Gordon spoke up: "We want to make a
"
"Unfinished
"
"I
The voice manifested itself as a black mist in front of us, and once again spoke.
"I
It pointed to Max first "You are a hipster bitch, that alone is reason enough for you to be in real hell, but you died in such brutal fashion that we decided to give you a break and put you in this hell. Hell-lite if you will. Your soul already belongs to this place, I have no use in bartering you.
Line 369 ⟶ 293:
It then pointed to me
"You have absolutely 0 redeeming qualities about you. The only reason you ended up here is because purgatory is full at the moment. Neither hell wants you. You get to spend the rest of eternity in blandness and neutrality.
It pointed to Gordon last
"But
Gordon steeled his heart and spoke to the being "Us three are sent back to Earth and you give me the power needed to defeat the Beast.
"I can send two of you, and I can give you the power you need. But I will send all three of you.
"Well, then my soul stays with
"WAIT
"What?
"
"
"Is it? I was alive for only
I had no answer to that.
The mist spoke up again "The girl...if you truly want to see your friend again, then I can send the girl to her
"
"Before the girl choses, I must warn you that you absolutely CANNOT change your mind. Once
"Beats hiding in a crevice in the side of the
"I highly doubt
"
The ground below
The mist chuckled
"They never learn. Anyways. I guess that makes it easier for you two. I will send both of you back, and give you the power you need to defeat him, but remember. The same fate awaits YOU as what is currently happening to the girl.
Gordon gulped "do it.
"WAIT, WHAT ABOUT ME.
The mist stared into me "like I said, you are undesirable on all fronts. Enjoy purgatory once you die, again.
The mist encircled Gordon, who fell to one knee and clenched his chest. He then got back up. His eyes red like hellfire. The mist then encircled both of us, and we woke up where we had been killed. The temple.
==Part 10==
"GORDON ARE YOU ALRIGHT" I yelled from outside the temple. Gordon limped out of the destroyed temple. His eyes glowing red. "I've never felt so good in my life." he said
He reached up to his temple, closed his eyes, and said something.
"What was that?" I asked
"An invitation" Gordon said with confidence
Beast was busy eating a meal of cacti and pussy when he received the message.
"
Beast chuckled and said to himself. "That old fuck wants round two,
He reached up to the sky and teleported in a bolt of lightning
"Ready yourself, Raiden. I can sense him
In an instant the sky grew dark with storm clouds. And in a bright flash there was the LA Beast. Finishing an extra prickly cactus.
"YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN TO JUST FUCKING STAY DEAD, DO YOU, GORDON. I GOTTA SAY THOUGH, IT TAKES SERIOUS BALLS TO DRAG THEIR WAY BACK OUT OF HELL ONLY TO GET THEIR ASS SHOVED BACK IN HEADFIRST!
"
Beast laughed "I TURNED YOUR ASS INTO NOTHING WITHOUT LAMBSAUCE, NOW THAT I HAVE IT. I WILL END YOU IN HALF THE TIME. SPEAKING OF, SHOUTOUT TO YOUR BOY KEEM FOR TELLING ME WHERE YOU KEPT YOUR LAMBSAUCE.
Gordon smirked "FUCK DANIEL-SAN. FUCK THE LAMBSAUCE.
With that the LA Beast flew at Gordon at inhuman speeds. He threw a superpowered left hook, but Gordon ducked just in time and got him right in the jaw with his own hook. The LA Beast, now enraged sparta kicked Gordon right in the chest, sending him through a temple wall, but Gordon picked up a piece of rock and chucked it so fast it broke the sound barrier. It hit beast right in the face, shattering his nose. Both now weakened, were reduced to wrestling eachother. But Beast, simply stronger than Gordon, picked him up above his head and dropped gordon right onto his knee. I cringed as I heard a cracking sound. The beast then threw Gordon right in my direction.
"....get
When I got to Gordon I could tell he was in bad shape. I picked up his head, blood was running out his nose and mouth. Between spitting up blood he told me something.
"R-R-Raiden...open up my shirt.
"Grab the 3rd knife on the left.
"L...listen to the knife Raiden, let it do the fighting...
On the verge of tears, I got up slowly and faced the Beast. He started to laugh even harder.
"ARE YOU REALLY READY TO DIE AGAIN FOR YOUR MASTER? I WAS MERCIFUL TO YOU THE FIRST TIME, BUT THIS TIME IT WILL BE
I
I spoke
"SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, BEAST!
He charge and I did as Gordon said, let the knife do the fighting. I moved just enough for the Beast to cut himself. He stopped felt the spot where he had been cut, and brought his fingers up to examine. His blood was no longer blood, his blood was pure LambSauce.
"VERY GOOD, IT SEEMS GORDON HAS TAUGHT YOU WELL, BUT NOT WELL ENOUGH."
He charged, but dodged the knife attack and brought his knee right up to my chin. I flew into the air and landed hard on my back. I could feel my teeth loosen and my jaw lock, but I kept fighting. This time I took the offensive and charged LA Beast, but he caught me by the throat, much like he did before. He prepared the same decapitating punch, but just before he did so I stabbed him right in the ribcage. He dropped me and grabbed at his abdomen.
"YOU LITTLE
"Like your master...weak...and pathetic.
I somehow got to my feet and made my way towards him while stumbling from the sheer agony. I finally got to Beast, who was somehow still alive.
"Have a good
Beast muscled out a laugh. He then raised his blackened hands and made two finger pistols at me
"
The Beast was dead.
I limped my way back to Gordon. He was alive but barely breathing. I tried my best to carry him, but my body was simply too broken. Someone eventually found us and we were rushed to the hospital, where we eventually recovered. Once we got out we agreed to meet at the temple.
"So...Beast
"Nope, but it looks like karma got him good.
We sat on the steps of the temple watching the sun go down. I decided now was the time to tell him
"Gordon...I want
"I
"What is it?
"Hand over your pager"
I did as I was told and handed over the pager to Gordon. I got up put my hand out for Godon shake, which he
==35 years later==
Arcadia Bay, Oregon
Line 545 ⟶ 445:
The Cemetery
I was wearing my ceremonial fedora and trenchcoat, along with my favorite eyepatch. I just wanted to visit
"
"
I knew that voice. That fucking voice.
"
I slowly got up to my feet to take a look at the man. His once blonde hair was grey and slicked back. His face was sporting a full fledged beard, and he was wearing a light brown trench coat. To his right was a disfigured man in a wheelchair.
".....Gordon?
I saw he had a weapon. I never knew the man to use guns, but I
"Let it go,
"Or should I call you...
After he said that Metal Gear Solid 4: Father and Son started playing. Creating an even more intense atmosphere
I was confused: "What?
Gordon spoke up again, "
His hand slid down my arm and grabbed my deagle. He then pulled away with my deagle in hand.
"And
"It all began with a bunch of old fools...Now,
I
"The powers the mist instilled in me long ago...allowed me to live far past the time I
We walked towards the man in the wheelchair.
"
"
Gordon walked around Keems veggie body.
"Did Daniel-san really hate me...or did he fear me?
"
Once Keem was finished, Gordon continued.
"All the original characters. Chloe, Max, Mr. Jefferson, Jake Paul, LA Beast.
Gordon looked me dead in my one good eye.
"Everything has its beginning. But it
Gordon struggled to squat
"In chaos. The world is born from zero. The moment zero becomes one is the moment the world springs to life. One becomes two, two becomes 10, 10 becomes 100.
"Taking it all back to 1 solves nothing. So long as 0 remains, 1 will eventually become 100 again.
"And so, our goal was to erase zero. Even the mighty lamb sauce began with a single ingredient. That one ingredient became full fledged sauce, and we realized too late we had created a beast.
"His
As the music got louder Gordon reached down and turned off the oxygen connected to Keems life support. Keem groaned and started to struggle as his breaths grew more and more ragged. Gordon reached around and embraced him as his oxygen ran
I spoke up
"You going back to zero, as well?
Gordon turned to face me once more
"Today...you will erase me.
"The virus the mist planted in me has already begun eating away at my body.
Just then Gordon gripped his stomach and fell to his knees while moaning in pain.
"
Gordon began crawling towards a gravestone. He tried to get up to his feet, but fell again.
"Do me a favor, will
"Am I going to die?
Gordon looked up to me
"Everyone dies. You
"
While his words resonated inside me Gordon tried to get back up. I helped him to his feet, and he continued his monologue
"I never thought of you as a son, but
"
Gordon let go of me and fell on all fours in front of her grave, much like the way I was before he showed up.
"Max...you were right.
I was pretty sure she died because she sent her teacher a picture of her shit, but I
Gordon then struggled to get up to his feet, but when he did, you bet your ass he started monologuing some more.
"At last, I understand the meaning behind what you did. At last, I understand the truth behind your
Gordon stood at attention and brought a shaky hand to his forehead, and saluted
Gordon released and barely kept his balance
"
Gordon reached out to give me a handshake. I hesitated, but reached my hand out to meet his. Just as we were about to shake he clenched his stomach and fell to the ground in pain, but luckily I caught him. The fucker still
"Know this, Daniel-san and I, Chloe and Max. We all fought a long, bloody war for our LambSauce. We fought to free ourselves from life and and systems and norms and soy. But no matter how hard we tried, the only Sauce we found...was inside...trapped within those limits.
Gordon tried to get back up, but slumped back onto her gravestone.
"But
"Forget about me, Raiden.
Gordon pulled out a fatass doobie and brought it to his mouth.
"Live...for yourself.
He got out his lighter, but was so weak he dropped it. So he spoke some more
"A new lease on
The dubie fell out of his mouth, he was too weak to blaze it up.
A single tear strolled down his face as he turned toward
"Max...you only need one bottle of LambSauce.
"The world would be better off without LambSauce.
A hero
Gordon took a few light puffs. I placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked up to me, and muttered one final phrase.
"This is good...
I watched as the life drained from his eyes...and the doobie dropped from his hand.
Gordon was gone, and I was alone.
The End
Raiden...Will Not Return
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