The Passion - Quest for MIXED NUT

CHAPTER 1: Sega Genesis

CHAPTER 2: The Salvation of the PornHub Premium account

NSFW WARNING This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations. ...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

Chapter 1: Sega Genesis

So, let’s start not that long ago in 2002. I was living in the very safe neighborhood of Miami, California. It’s the type of town that if your plane crashed during that thing that happened to America, but instead of the World Trade Center, it’s Miami, It would be like the scene from Wizard of Oz where the Munchkins all start peeing on each other to celebrate your arrival from Earth.

I was in my house, in my room, at 4:00 AM. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep. But then I heard the sounds of Mom and the New Daddy moaning and grunting. It was a peaceful scene. Serene even. My vacation, and I immediately fell asleep. Thank you God for helping them to help me sleep.

…

…

…”GET THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE MASTERBATING SHIT AND GO TO PUBLICS TO FETCH ME SOME MORE MEDICINE!!!” She was correct. I was mid-session right then. Which meant that I suspected she would join in like this movie I watched.

“It would be fine”, I thought. “I mean she’s not to drunk is she?”, I thought rationally and deeply.

“…*sexy lip smack*, it WOULD be FIIIIIIIIIIIINE…”

I jump down from the top of the stairs to the floor and this woman totally ignored my fake cries to help me up, so I quit.

“Sweetie?”

“Yes, MaMa, mommy?”

“Can you be a dear and go down to the Little Clinic at Kroger and fetch me my next few weeks’ worth of Medicinal Methamphetamine, …can you do that for me?

…

“no” “WELL DOS AT LOK LIKE I GIVAFAGUCH YOU LITSH!” mother asked calmly

“I’m tired!”

She leaned forward and said, “Oh come on! You’ll get your rewaaaard!”

Mom had apparently been familiar with my search history and tried to imitate that Minecraft girl, Jenny.

I knew what she meant, “20k dollars?”

“Deal, now GETUR HASS OUT MY HOUSE!”

MISSION PASSED:

Sega Genesis

Achievements:

Remained Calm, +20!

Got a Peek at Mom’s cleavage, +50!

Dollars earnt: +20,000$.

Total Dollars: 20,000$!

Chapter 2: The Salvation of the PornHub premium account!

I moonwalked into Miami High School and the Librarian walked up behind me and smacked my ass with Twilight.

“Oh hai, Ms. Hindley!”

“Baby! You forgot your Monday shirt!”

She held out my Slipknot™ shirt that I wear every Monday at school.

“Well, of course!” I immediately took off my current shirt and-

“TITTY TWISTER!” She took out her fingers and titty fucked me for about 5 minutes.

How's yours's like, cuckold?

I was reluctant to reveal the goods but did so anyways. Her reaction was too hard to describe, so I took out my phone and filmed her face.

Visualization of the librarian's reaction.

I then put on my shirt on and ran.

I finally got to Bible Meditation class, and my BFF (Big Fat Fuck) and best friend, Homer was seated.

He was about 4’3, 201 pounds and also about 6 foot in height.

“All you need to do, kiddies is to relax and turn your heart to Sat-,  t-the Looooord.”

“Just relax, keep calm, and (Y/N), if you don’t sit down right now I’ll castrate you with a Hacksaw, now FEEEEEEEEEELLLLL, the love of Christ.”

Our Bible Teacher, who I never found out the name of is a bit of a mixed bag. The more I be around her, the less I’m convinced to turn to the Lord.

I sat down on the mat, and immediately felt swamp-ass in my Fruit-of-the-Loom™ boxers, they also looked yellow.

“Mrs. Bible?”

“See how I’m relaxed and okay. (INHALES EXHALES) I am flooded by God.”

“Mrs. Bible?”

“WHAT!?”

“Why is there a piss-like substance on my mat?”

“MAYBE YOU PEED THERE I DON’T KNOW!? Now, (Breathing) just relax, and love one another.”

I reluctantly sat down and got into meditation pose.

“Hey, (Y/N), what up?”

I heard a strange voice which I quickly responded to by giving the up the middle finger in the air.

“Hey, bitch.”

“Oh, HEEEYYYY, Homer!”

"You got my money?"

"...no."

"YOUR DEAD"

He reached in to punch me, and I opened up my legs for him.

"...unless you recover my PornHub Premium account."

"GODDAMMIT!"

"(Y/N) YOU STUPIDLITTLE FUGH GETTAT MO CLASS FOR SAYING THAT NOW!!!"

I quickly ran out of the classroom as the teacher was throwing crucifixes at me.

NEW OBJECTIVE:

RECOVER THE PORNHUB ACCOUNT!

Once I finally fucked off, I started to wonder where the PornHub Account was.

Think THINK THINK

Can we think, thinking time! :)

…

...

...

DING

"I know! Check the FPHHOOOOOONE!!!

I pulled out my iPhone foldable I stole from their factory and search up on Bing.

pornhub login

I logged into the unblocked PornHub, but before clicking on the Log In, I was tempted by more Jenny Minecraft videos, as well as remixes of Ankha Cat dancing to Numb by Linkin Park. "...oh why not!"

CLICK

{LOADING 100%}

Before the video I had to witness the dreaded ad that seems to be taking over PornHub by the second;

Ankha Cat doing the hokey-pokey while explaining her diabolical intentions.

TIK TOK FOR ADULTS, 18+, UGLY MOMS WANNA FUCK CLICK HERE!

SKIP

I finally got to the video and instead of the Cat dancing, as proven by the Wright Brothers, it was the Cat speaking directly into the camera in the exact manly voice I expected:

"Hello, human. Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT dancing."

As this demonic figure spoke, Anti-Nightcore Numb played in the background, it was excruciatingly excruciating.

"And get used to this music, you'll be num- FINE with it very soon."

"(Y/N), what kinda name is that? Sounds like you watch me all the time. Both platforms to answer your question. I am publicly releasing this information to you for, well, no reason other than BECAUSE I CAN. 3 weeks from now, Michael Rosen is going to launch an atomic bomb he has been developing in his lab, and make landfall in Miami, California. All I need to shut up is for you to listen to the following requests:

"STEP ONE:"

Screw this!

LOG IN

I finally got to the Log In and Homer's password autocorrected in. I stopped thinking about the video and realized his username was JOJOCOK19.

MISSION PASSED:

The Salvation of the PornHub premium account!

Achievements:

Did the Phone Song!, +45!

I'VE BECOME SO DUMB, +100!

Dollars earnt: +0$

Total Dollars: 20,000$!

Chapter 3: The First Embrace

"Goodbye, clownshoes!"

I ran out of the school and immediately tried to find a car. Luckily, there was a handy '70 Ford Pinto on sight which I happily committed Grand Theft Auto for.

I was doing 180 mph on the street heading for the airport, trying to stop Michael of his plans, which may or may not be real.

Finally rolled up to the terminal and t-boned a baggage cart, I jumped out of the car just before the shitty Pinto explodes before my eyes. I looked over my shoulders and finds a conveniently placed Segway on the side, which I rode away on.

I crashed through the glass door and rode my chariot at warp speed through the airport.

Thankfully, only 4 people were run over, all of which occurred while security was chasing after me.

"GET THE FUG OUTA WAY, I CANT STOP!"

"STOP YOUR FUCKING VEHICLE"

I finally got to the gate where I winked at the hot flight attendant outside the gate, to which she hesitated to call 911. I was still on the Segway, going through the catwalk when the door to the plane was already closed, and I got a black eye from hitting it.

I decided that the only way was to just kick the door down gangsta-style, so I did.

"Wazzup bitches?" I said as I went to sit down by the toilet.

"Passengers, our flight from Miami to the UK will be taking off shortly, please prepare for takeoff."

At a moment of piece like this, I got out a bag of Xanax and smoked, as I fell asleep.

...

"but he shouldn't be on this plane, he could be a terrorist..."

...

...

"one thing I don't know why it doesn't even matter how hard you try..."

...

"WAKE UP, THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING!"

I was pleasantly awaken by the Captain, although I was on a MAJOR hangover. Usually I just sleep it off, but it was too much Xanax to do so, as well as the fact we were probably landing.

"We're 15 hours from UK."

"OH COME ON!"

15 HOURS LATER:

We landed in London, in which my hangover was thankfully still going.

When I went outside to the parking lot, I tried looking up where Michael Rosen lived, since the only village I knew existed in the UK is London. After realizing that Wi-Fi is automatically turned off for American tourists to prevent them from "escaping". I also didn't have a car, so...

I had no choice but to stick my thumb out, and suck it. Then I decided to hitchhike.

A few drivers just gave me the middle finger, and finally when one stopped.

"Yeah so, do you know where Michael Rosen lives, his lab?"

"YOU FROM BLODDY 'mERICAN PISS OFF OR I CALL 112!" They sped off immediately, leaving me feel empty.

Finally, I flagged down a truck driver who drove me to a road in the middle of nowhere. "Get out, we're here." I did, and he drove away, with no one else in sight.

I missed Miami, I missed PornHub, I missed my 50 Shades of Grey Librarian teacher. But (looks to the left, then back) SUDDENLY, I heard some rustling in the bushes, thinking it was a Squirrel, I barked and pounced on it, only to be smashed in the face by a metal trap door opening.

"what's the password?"

"...Chocolate Cake?"

MISSION PASSED:

The First Embrace!

Achievements:

GayJacked!, +95!

Found Michael Rosen's Bunker, +10!

Dollars earnt: +0$

Total Dollars: 20,000$!

To be contondered...

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