The Passion 2 - Clout Requiem: Difference between revisions
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{{AN|Please '''do not attempt''' any of the actions in this narrative. Any humor based on a real subject is for '''SATIRE ONLY''', and not to be taken seriously. Mature content ahead, '''VIEWER DESCRISION ADVISED.'''}}
'''PROLOGUE'''
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'''CHAPTER 2:''' MoshFest 03'
'''CHAPTER 3:''' Responses & Apologies
'''CHAPTER 4:''' Paid Vacation
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Total Dollars: '''99,990$'''
'''<big>Chapter 3: Responses & Apologies</big>'''
We got back to headquarters and each went to our singular dorm rooms. I went on my laptop and onto Google, and the auto-fill blinded me with it's glory.
''m''
moshfest 03
moshfest riot
moshfest disaster
mixed nut rap battle
moshfest rap battle
gangrene green
mixed nut and shawn conman cancelled
president joel to lift ban on bourbon and anime
I was interested most in the last article, and looked at that first.
Then I decided to turn on the TV to Fox News. It had helicopter footage over the article and green screen.
"We're coming in live just outside of Miami, CA where a riot is currently ongoing at the airport, which had it's annual Nu-Metal festival, MoshFest screwed up!"
"Currently about 3 people are reported missing, and thousands others injured. The original cause of the incident was not yet reported, but it is alleged that a heated rap battle between Gangrene Green vocalist Jaiden Friendly and retired rapper Mixed Nut that took place minutes ago was the fuel needed. Coming up at 11, Dhar Mann responds to allegations of copyright striking? After this."
Unfortunately, Fox News is owned my TMZ, so this is all they report on now.
I then went to YouTube, looking for answers, and all there were was Scarce videos about the incident, I decided that would be the best bedtime story of all time, so I fell asleep to Scarce videos.
...
...
...
<big>'''ATTENTION ALL AGNETS, PLEASE ENTER THE MAIN HALL NOW FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCMENT, ALSO THERE'S COFFEE AVAILABLE ON THE SIDE'''</big> blaired the CEO alarm.
I realized my laptop had been playing YouTube for hours, but the battery was still at 97%.
'''IN THE MAIN HALL...'''
It seemed every agent that has ever been a member ever of the CIMC was here. People were crowding together, and it sounded like a school lunch room. Oh, HEY COFFEE!
"What the hell's going on?" asked Michael.
"I doNo. Maybe it had to do with the anime ban lifted?"
"Oh hell yah!" said Nut.
...
"I-It was, HAVE YOU BICHS NOT HEARD OF SARCASM?"
Finally, Critikal walked on stage, with hundreds of orange juices being thrown onto him, and a mix of cheering and booing.
(MIC FEEDBACK), "Uh, Good Afternoon, Agents. I-I know a catastrophe has occurred not 12 hours ago in our own state. And I just wanted to update on the situation at hand and up front."
The crowed got even louder, and we waited for him to continue.
"It- uh, frickin' THEY- THEY MADE AN APOLOGY VIDEO!"
Silence...
"Okay!? Now, this is obviously a big deal, and it's our responsibility as a the CIMC, to make sure it fits the criteria. Here it is."
The projector showed the at first not-fullscreen apology video. It was titled "Response to the Incident" by Jaiden Friendly. He was seated in his living room, and had looked like he was trying to cry for about the past 45 minutes. Speaking of which, it was a 45 minute long video.
''"(deep breath) I know this is going to be very hard for me. ...But I just had to make this video for me, f-for my fans. ...I just wanted to say I'm, ...I-I mean we're looking into the families and the victims that went with this disaster that happened, and I know Mixed Nut, ...y-y'know he's one of my biggest fans and homeboys I, everybody there was just a big homie more than anything and to have this shit happen is just..."''
'''40 Minutes later...'''
''"That's all I wanted to say. Love you guys, bye."
Critikal came back on stage, and looked down at us like The Rock. "You guys been taking notes?"
"YES." said the whole room.
"Alright, so did he say 'I'm Sorry' once in the video?"
SpongeBob raised his hand. "No."
"And did at least 5 statements in the video not mean shit?"
Michael raised his hand. "No, in fact I calculated at least 38 of them."
"And did it just be 45 minutes of rubbing sympathy and puppies into the face of the viewer?"
Gerard Way raised his hand. "Yes, plus a 10 minute section of him petting his dog."
"All correct! We have gone over this video and confirmed another thing. In approximately 36 hours, the President is going to have a press conference for the incident, and has commissioned us to help write the script. We have decided that if anything goes wrong, or if Gangrene Green is proven wrong, war will be declared on YouTube. You all may return to your dorms."
I got back to my dorm, open up YouTube once again, and saw thousands of videos titled, ''"MOSHFEST RESPONDED!?" "JAIDEN FRIENDLY APOLOGY VIDEO FAKE?" "gangrene green's response video makes me sick"''
At that point, it didn't really matter. Cuz tomorrow, we were gonna meet the President of the United States, Independent-Party leader President Joel.
'''MISSION PASSED:'''
'''Responses & Apologies!'''
'''Achievements:'''
Hey what's up guys it's Scarce here '''+95!'''
I just wanted to say I'm kinda-ish sorry! '''+200!'''
Dollars earnt: +0$
Total Dollars: '''99,990$'''
<big>'''Chapter 4: Paid Vacation'''</big>
The next morning we were flown to the Capital City of America which was literally called Capital City. The plane had to take off from the helipad because the airport was closed off indefinitely. Thankfully, it only almost crashed into the building while taking off. 5 hours later, it landed in Capital City. We were taken to the Sauce house in a limousine and tuxes, with President Joel to meet us at the front door.
But before that, we had to go through security.
"WOWHWAOAHWAO, Buddy you cant go in here with that railgun" said one of the security guards.
"We're from the CIMC."
"Yeah, yeah that's what they all say."
"No really, I have my ID-"
<big>"I DON TINK YOU HEAR WHAT I SAI BOIE!"</big>
Suddenly, Joel had our back. "Guys, guys. These mofukas are clean. Let'm through."
"...(into walkie talkie) Clear."
The huge gate opened, and there he was. "Protag! Rosen & Nut! How ya been?"
He was surprisingly nice, "Good, Mr. President."
"Oh, first names only here guys, Call me Joel. The office is right this way."
We followed Joel throughout the glamourous halls of his crib. The house was renamed every time a new president came into play. This was the Sauce house.
"Heard a lot about you Collective peoples, most recently that Avocadoland Mission from a few days ago. Really fucked up the manager didn't you?"
"Y-yeah, he exploded into the bouncy-house." Nut said.
"Yes, OH and Nut! I saw you at Moshfest on the TV! Those bars tho!"
"Yeah, screw Gangrene right?"
[[File:Smallloanofamildollars.png|thumb|527x527px|The Circle Office]]
We finally got to the Circle office and everybody who worked for the House was in perfect symmetrical order in exchange for functional order.
"This here is vice president The Frog, Kermit the Frog. Kermit is also the leader of the Department of Defense and secret Nucleus projects. And everybody else is my personal Pingu bodyguards. You may shake hands with Kermit only, he is the only safe one."
"What up, I'm green."
We shook hands.
"Uhh, what up, I'm (Y/N), this is Mike, and this is Keyshawn. His stage name is Mixed Nut."
"(gasp) HOLY SHIT I AM A HUGE FAN WHAT UP MIXED NUT?"
'''1 hour later...'''
We were escorted to the hotel to be stationed until the Speech script is complete. I opened up my laptop, went onto Microsoft Word, then tried to think of something.
''...a n d t h e n a s k e '' (BACKSPACE)
No, no no, something Joel would say.
''...e x p a n d d o '' '''<big>(BACKSPACE)</big>'''
This would take a while.
'''MISSION PASSED:'''
'''Paid Vacation!'''
'''Achievements:'''
Bell Air '''+90!'''
Green in Regulation '''+140!'''
Dollars earnt: -20$
Total Dollars: '''99,970$'''
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