The Real Reason Why Sonic Doesn’t Eat Chilli Dogs Any More: Difference between revisions
The Real Reason Why Sonic Doesn’t Eat Chilli Dogs Any More (view source)
Revision as of 10:36, 30 August 2023
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Strangely there was no DVD menu or title sequence, but because I'm an impatient little shit I didn't mind. There would be '''nothing''' to delay this brand new episode. The episode title, "SANGRE HIPERREALISTA", faded in along with a standard Morbius landscape. I spelled the planet's name correctly right? Just checking.
Exactly 3426083 microseconds later, the familiar sight of horribly mutated roadkill using two tails coming out of it's asshole to piss on all known laws of physics appeared on-screen. It was none other than Miles "Did you know his name is a pun on miles-per-hour Tails" Prower! This was soon followed by the living smear frame, Sonic "Fast Man" Hedgehog! Upon seeing these two I immediately gave a standing ovation. But it wasn't what I saw that was going to horrify me
"Heya Sonic! Wanna get some Chilli Dogs?" Tails said in his all-too familiar voice that convinced idiots he was a girl. But that sense of familiarity came crashing down when Sonic opened his mouth, terrifying me to my very core with his words:
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Hearing this eldritch black speech made my heart feel like it had been impaled by a spike. Impaled by a spike twice because of the spike iframe bug in Sonic 1. Look I need to keep this about Sonic SOMEHOW.
A pulsating arm of bleeding flesh came from off-screen to hand Sonic the hot dog. Finally, something resembling the normality of the show. But as Sonic went to take a bite, I realised something horrifying was happening. The sausage inside the bun was not an all-American shit stick of random
It was a '''chorizo''' sausage.
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I couldn't take it any longer.
I ran up to my TV, grabbed it by the sides and screamed at the top of my lungs, "WHAT THE FUCK!!! THIS ISN'T SONIC!!!". But my rage quickly turned into stunned silence when I
'''"¡ESO FUE BASTANTE GROSERO E INNECESARIO!"'''
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The volume of those horrible words almost deafened me. The shock alone made me fall to the ground, breaking several bones in my body, as if the pain of my ears bleeding wasn't enough punishment from Sonic. And then my TV promptly exploded.
Before I could process what happened, I noticed a strange throbbing sensation between my legs. Which was odd, as Sally Acorn wasn't in this cartoon. As it got harder and harder, I went to take a look to see what it was, but no words can properly describe the terror I felt, when I
...my penis had turned into a chorizo sausage.
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