The Simpsons Game Cursed Copy: Difference between revisions

They call me Cuban I'm the king of... something something. I don't really know being a socially awkward little snowflake I never really pay much mind to things like that. I ain't no Henry Tomasino! For I am a humble Christmas elf. My name is Cringy Benji a nickname I earned while at Fordham University when I caused a frying pan to catch on fire. That same fire nearly destroyed Fordham University if they didn't happen to have a fire extinguisher on stand by. Exiled from Fordham, I caught the first plane to the North Plane and made a pact to settle my affairs by getting a job in a shipping company down there. On my way to the shipping company's headquarters, I'll admit I kind of got a little lost and I spent the next two days traversing around the snowy mountain trains and harsh weather conditions until I was eventually spotted by two elves. They looked horrific. They didn't look anything like they do in those storybooks that me Gran Gran used to read to me when I wore a younger man's clothes. No Siree they absolutely positively did not! One of the elves named Dimitri was holding a lamp as he said; "Mr Clause would like to see you. Come with us." I did as told and followed the pair to Santa's Workshop. And that is where my troubles really began. This is because Santa Clause is a fricking bigoted asswipe who spends the whole year sleeping on his arse while me and my fellow elves do all the work.

Santa Clause or rather Robot Santa as he prefers to be called; is a very careless machine as he has no time for friends or fun. His anger makes that fact all the more clear let me tell you! Robot Santa considers himself to be above the law since there's no real law enforcement in the North Pole. He thinks that he can be as cruel as he wants towards his staff, and that no one will bat an eye lid. He truly is one sick bastard that Santa Clause as he once fed my mate Ricky to the reindeers who have turned ferial. They have ferial because Robot Santa refuses to feed them carrots anymore and instead feeds them elves because he wants the reindeers to become big and strong in the hopes that one day they may become a king. They really were a king under his control if you know what I mean? Now contrary to popular belief, Robot Santa is the not first Santa Clause in existence as once every something years a new Santa is brought in after the old one becomes so fat that their belt buckle loosens ever so slightly. The loosening of the belt buckle causes the Santa Clause to blow up into a million tiny bite size pieces. The previous Santa placed Robot Santa in charge before catching the first space shuttle into Jupiter until he had a run in with two police officers one being a dog and the other being a rabbity thing. But I'm sure you already know all about don't you? When a Santa dies or goes into his self imposed exile like Robot Santa's successor, an election is held for a new one. Most of the times big fat men from the county fair are picked to become the new Santa, and they are then trained for 40 days and 40 nights by an incredibly sinister Japanese instructor who has a head like a mangled grapefruit. The instructor is incredibly sinister and threatens to stab any elf that comes near him which have come from the fact that his brother is married to a canoe which has nothing to do with anything I just said.

 

As thanks for saving the North Pole from the cricket; Robot Santa appointed me as the new head of the elves and my first assignment as head elf was to create a brand new endless Christmas stocking which will be indestructible. Gina and I have spent the last few weeks working really hard on it, but I've got some free time at the moment which is how I am able to tell you all this. Oh and by the way, after telling Robot Santa about how much money he could make from selling an endless Christmas stocking, he responded by pulling the scariest face you'd ever see. It was so scary that even Johnny Worthington himself was scared though he pretended to act otherwise. I'm sure Robot Santa will never make the same mistake that the previous 57 Santa Clause's made. I mean one got shot off the roof by a shotgun wielding Tim Allen and another became homies with the Red & Yellow M&M's after a series of unfortunate events. That's another story entirely however. Preparing this new and improved endless Christmas stocking is going to be a lot of hard work, but maybe we could pawn the work over to a goblin who has twigs coming out from his hat. Don't judge him however as he's very self conscious about his smelly hat. Anyways, goodbye for now my friends, but I know we'll meet again some sunny day. Well cloudy day depending on the smog. Heh heh smog! SMOG! Ta ra catch you on the rebound slick!

 

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