Triumphs of the Toppler, Vol 1.: Difference between revisions
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'''The Bloody Painter vs The Toppler'''
The Toppler, in need of money, joined up with Ofsted because being an Ofsted inspector requires about as much effort as buying milk from the corner shop. On Halloween, he was a bit annoyed because he had to go and inspect a rather odd high school. What made it odd, you don't ask? Well, not only was there unprotected access to the roof, but it for some reason had dorms. Also, a student had managed to die there. The Toppler felt a sense of pride, despite the fact that he was only doing this job for easy money, because this would be the first bust of a school Ofsted had ever done. He decided to snoop around, since all the students were at a party. It wasn't even a Halloween party, which was rather silly even to the stereotypically stupid Toppler. Suddenly, he felt a slight tickling sensation on his chest and looked down. He found a bent knife on him, and a blood stained 14 year old holding it with a look of intense terror on his face. The knife had bent because no-one kills the Toppler.
With that, the Toppler laughed like he was being tickled by a thousand nuclear explosions, which was possible since no-one blows up the Toppler.
The next day, Ofsted had successfully shut down the school, and there was much rejoicing. Besides, Helen (or The Bloody Painter, as his emo creator had presumably called him) had murdered most of the student body, so there wasn't much point in keeping the place open anyway.
'''Jane the Killer vs The Toppler'''
After the incident with Helen (snort), everything else the Toppler did at Ofsted was just boring. Even the school full of shape-shifting bat people. So, he resigned and got a job at easy jet as the steward. On one particular flight to Arkansas, a woman asked him for peanuts. When he enquired as to what flavour, the woman, Jane, responded with
However, to say that, she had stopped reading, giving the Toppler the opportunity to grab Jane by the head, and he dragged her to the door. He opened it and chucked Jane out of the plane, to be saved by her plot shielding.
'''Eyeless Jack vs The Toppler'''
After his battle with Jane the Killer, the Toppler got fired from easyjet. This meant he had to go seek employment, since beating up people nobody likes doesn't exactly pay the gas bill. However, since the employment system is complete bollocks, the only place he could find employment was at Ben and Jerry’s, but at least he got free ice cream. One day, a man wearing a hoodie came to the till. He was facing backwards, for some odd reason.
The man grew cross.
'''Laughing Jack vs The Toppler'''
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One day, the Toppler was sat at home, doing absolutely nothing at all, because the author was too lazy to come up with anything. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It was Postman Plot, and he was a carrying a rather large box, addressed to the Toppler.
''Well, that was rude'', thought the Toppler as he carried the box inside.
With that, Laughing Jack leaped at the Toppler like sheev. He tried to rip the Toppler’s heart out, but he couldn't because nobody brutally mutilates the Toppler! The Toppler wasted no time, so he ripped Jack's ridiculous nose off and stabbed him with it 37 times. While getting stabbed 37 times traditionally kills people, Laughing Jack is a creepypasta character and therefore intensely overpowered, so he just felt a bit sore. Well, he was also missing his nose and had a hole in his chest, but this isn't really what you came to read about. The Toppler picked up Jack, carried him outside, and drop-kicked him all the way to London, where he landed in the Thames and drowned. And everything was lovely once again. Wonderful.
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'''Negative Mickey vs The Toppler'''
One day, the Toppler decided to go on vacation for some peace and quiet. So, to make absolutely sure no-one would bother him, he went to the abandoned theme park, Mowgli’s palace. Besides, it's not like anyone would stop him; he is the Toppler, after all. So, off he went. He beat up snakes and ate them for tea the night he arrived, and then he went to investigate the titular palace. Within, he came across a room full of costumes. The Toppler picked up a Donald duck mask in order to put it on, but a skull fell out of it. Thus, he ate the mask in anger. It was then he noticed a negative Mickey Mouse costume. Looks like Disney’s been outsourcing to poundland, thought the Toppler. The suit lifted its head off, spraying what seemed to be yellow blood everywhere, though on closer inspection it turned out to be chicken korma.
'''Jeff the Killer vs The Toppler'''
The Toppler was walking to costcutter for some milk. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his shoulder and he wheeled round to see what looked like a cross of the joker and a deformed fish.
The Toppler thought for a moment.
With that, Jeff lunged at the Toppler, but found himself on the receiving end of a clothesline. However, instead of dying or at the very least screaming in pain, Jeff just started laughing.
[[Category:Jeff the Killer]]
[[Category:Satire]]
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