User:St. Apotheosis

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=f38puZR0edk

Hey guys, it's me, St. Apotheosis. I also go by Apex, Dongus, retard, and Cuckweed. Seriously fucking end it please

[Scene begins at the Krusty Krab with Old Man Jenkins walking into a pole] Old Man Jenkins: Oh! Pardon me, young lady. [Takes glasses off to get a better look] What a fox. [Walks over to Condiment Island, and puts a bottle of ketchup on his tray. Plankton is in the ketchup bottle] Plankton: He ha he! Ooh! You're all mine you sweet Krabby Patty. Ooh hoo ooh ah ha ha ha ha ha! [Alarm goes off inside the ketchup bottle, and Plankton buckles himself] Initiating launch sequence. [Puts on a mask and unzips mouth zipper] Krabby Patty, here I come! Old Man Jenkins: [holding ketchup bottle unsteadily] Eh, eh... I hope I don't miss again. [Old Man Jenkins missed again, as Plankton goes flying across the restaurant] Plankton: Reunited, and it's gonna feel so good! [Unzips eye zipper, realizes he's about to crash and screams as he darts into the walls in Mr. Krabs' office] Mr. Krabs: Ooh, ooh, sweet wampum. Huh! Whazzat? [Mr. Krabs hides next to his desk for protection] Squidward, where are you? Shield me with your forehead! [Plankton finally lands right next to the desk, and Mr. Krabs picks him up] So, it was a just another failed Krabby Patty theft attempt by my arch competitor, Plankton! For a second there, I mistook you for a threat. But you're just a dirty little man. [Mr. Krabs flicks Plankton away] So long, shrimp! [An actual shrimp who was exiting the Krusty Krab turns around. Plankton is in mid-air] Plankton: Curse you, Mr. Krabs! [Plankton finally lands in the Chum Bucket. He walks in sighing] Karen: So, typical day of failure, I see, huh darling? Plankton: Oh, can it, computer wife. Can't you see I'm exhausted? Why don't you go make yourself useful and synthesize me up some grub? Karen: Yes, your majesty. [Holographic meatloaf appears on the table that Plankton's sitting at] Plankton: What do we got here? [sarcastically] Oh, goody. Holographic meatloaf again! When am I gonna get some real food? Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's a big as a whale. I wish I could be successful like Mr. Krabs. I wish I could somehow just switch lives with him. Just to know what it's like. Karen: Then why don't you just use that "Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier" thing you built last Tuesday? [Plankton spits out his soda] Plankton: What a brilliant idea! Your parents must have been like, part computer or something. [Karen sighs as Plankton sits down in front of the Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier] Now, let's see here. [A picture of a jellyfish shows up on the Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier] No... [a dolphin appears] no... [a mermaid appears] no... [Finally, a picture of a Crab shows up] A-ha! [Plankton is buckled up] Well, I hate to leave you, Karen, but you know what they say... a rolling stone gathers no algae! [Plankton presses a button, and then goes through a hole of space and time and screams. Plankton stops for a few seconds to get a drink of soda. He smacks his lips afterwards] Ahh. [he then resumes screaming. Later, Plankton wakes up at Mr. Krabs' desk] Ugh... dear Neptune above, what happened last night? Huh, what's this? [Plankton picks up a name plate reading Mr. Plankton] Mister Plankton? [Plankton picks up a picture of Pearl] Who the Davey? [Plankton looks out the office windows and sees people eating Krabby Patties] I'm in the Krusty Krab... which mean the life switcher was a success! The Krusty Krab is mine! [Plankton sees himself dressed] Corporate casual! SpongeBob: Order up! Two deluxe Krabby Patties. Plankton: [Plankton's eye turns into a Krabby Patty] At last! SpongeBob: [SpongeBob delivers food to customer] There you are sir. Two deluxe... [Plankton appears at the table] Ahoy there, Mr. Plankton. Plankton: Er, um, hey there, uh SpongeBob. Uh, SpongeBob? SpongeBob: Yes sir! Plankton: I'm gonna need to take one of these Patties back to my office for um, bun inspection. SpongeBob: I'm afraid you can't do that, Mr. Plankton! Plankton: Why- why not? SpongeBob: Because that Patty is for the customer, sir! Plankton: The customer? I'll boil the customer in hot oil, and rip out his— [SpongeBob's eyes point to the customer, to stop Plankton] I mean uh, yes, of course, for the lovely... customer. SpongeBob: [SpongeBob gives Plankton two Krabby Patties] But you can take these Patties, sir. I made them in the off chance that you'd decide to instigate some bun inspection today, Mr. Plankton, sir! Plankton: Uhh... yes, uh, very nice. Um, thanks. [Plankton runs back to his office] All mine, it's finally all mine! The Patties, the wealth, the notoriety! [Plankton sees SpongeBob in his office] SpongeBob, what do you want? SpongeBob: Well, it's just that it's Tuesday again, sir, and I was wondering if I could have my, um... weekly performance review! Plankton: Review? SpongeBob: Oh yes, please sir, please! Plankton: But I've never reviewed anything... except those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me. SpongeBob: Oh, please, sir! I want to make you so happy and proud! Plankton: Eh, you're doing fine. Now leave me to my work. SpongeBob: But sir! Plankton: I thought I sent you away, Cretin. SpongeBob: But sir, there's gotta be something I need to improve on. Anything! Plankton: All right, the sauce. SpongeBob: [gasps] Wh-what? Plankton: The sauce. I don't know. You're using too much sauce, okay? Review's over. SpongeBob: [SpongeBob's face changes] Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... Plankton: What? SpongeBob: Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... Plankton: What's the matter with you? All I said was "A little too much sauce." It's no big deal, really. SpongeBob: Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... Plankton: What do you want from me, a promotion? SpongeBob: [SpongeBob's face changes back to normal] A pro- a promo- a promotion?! Plankton: Uh, sure kid, you're uh... you're on register now. SpongeBob: [Gasps excitedly] Register! [SpongeBob explodes. Plankton gets back to the Krabby Patties] Plankton: Glad that's over. Squidward: [Squidward standing at the cash register reading a book, when he realizes that SpongeBob is standing right next to him] SpongeBob, do you remember that little talk we had about 'personal space'? SpongeBob: It's okay, Squidward. I'm official, look! Squidward: [SpongeBob points out his badge that says Co-Cashier] Co-Cashier? Plankton: So, have you two known each other long? Squidward: [Plankton is sitting at a table with the two Krabby Patties. Squidward storms into Mr. Plankton's office] You can't do this to me, Mr. Plankton! If you think I'm going to stand out there all day listening to... [Cuts to SpongeBob, whose mouth splits in two] SpongeBob: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... [Cuts back to Squidward] Squidward: Then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe! Plankton: So what do you want me to do about it? Squidward: I'd like my view to be a little less yellow, if you know what I mean. Plankton: [Squidward's now the fry cook, standing in front of the grill] Hope you like gray. SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, I can see you through this little window! Plankton: [Squidward groans. Plankton heads back to his office] Now, no more intrusions! I'd like the begin writing the memoirs of my success story, so everyone just stay the— Pearl: [Pearl runs inside the Krusty Krab] Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! [Plankton is being bounced up and down] Plankton: Just tell Daddy what you want! Oof! He's very busy! Pearl: Could I please have a um... an advance on my allowance? Plankton: If it'll get you out of my antennae. [Plankton gives Pearl one dollar] Go crazy. Pearl: One dollar? You hate me! [Pearl begins to cry. Plankton has to dodge all of the tears, but one of ends up landing in his mouth, making him a circle] Plankton: Ow! [A fish walks out and angrily flattens him, getting all of the water out] Nat: You! Plankton: Me? Nat: You think this is funny? Plankton: In a cosmic sort of way, yes. Nat: Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks?! [Nat shows Plankton a Krabby Patty] Plankton: What? It's just an ordinary Krabby— [Scene zooms in to show the patty made with gross-out items] OH, MY GOODNESS! SQUIDWARD! SpongeBob: [SpongeBob appears at the table, next to Plankton] I tried, Mr. Plankton. I really did. Plankton: Oh, what now? SpongeBob: A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large! I gave him a large! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Plankton: I command you to stop that. Stop that and return to your post! [Plankton pushes his hand is SpongeBob's chest, in hopes that he'll stop] Where's the off button on this thing? Pearl: [Pearl walks up to Plankton] Okay, Daddy. I've decided I'm gonna run away! Run away and find a new daddy! SpongeBob: Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Plankton: Make it stop! [A siren horn then goes off and then everything becomes silent] What, did I say the secret word? SpongeBob: No sir, he's back. Plankton: Who's back? What? [Something red flashes by] What was that? SpongeBob: [An alarm sounds] Man your stations! Red alert! Red alert! Take cover! [All the customers scream, and run to take cover] Plankton: [he runs in circles] Take cover from what?! SpongeBob: [SpongeBob's up in the crow's nest searching for him] He's around here somewhere. [SpongeBob sees the red flash by once again] There he goes! Plankton: What? Who? Where? Somebody tell me. Harold: Some say he crawled out from the lowest trench in the ocean. Pearl: He's the saltiest of all the sea dogs. SpongeBob: He's the most hated creature in Bikini Bottom. [The red flash then bursts out of the kitchen and we then see it is Krabs holding a Krabby Patty while swinging on a rope] Mr. Krabs: And he's finally got a Krabby Patty! Ar, ar, ar, ar! Plankton: Krabs? What the barnacle is going on here? SpongeBob: It's your arch competitor, Krabs. His goal in life is to steal a Krabby Patty and ruin our restaurant. Plankton: That's terrible! SpongeBob: Yeah, but the worst part is... Plankton: [Krabs lands behind him] Good grief, he's naked! [A part of Krabs then glints] Mr. Krabs: [swings up onto a board on a support beam above] Clothe me if you can, silly landlubbers! SpongeBob: I'm gonna make you eat those words, Krabs! [The cash register spins upside down, and turns into a place where a cannon is located] No shoes, no shirt, no service! [SpongeBob shoots all the clothes out of the cannon at Mr. Krabs. All of them miss] Mr. Krabs: Ar, ar, ar, ar, ar! [Mr. Krabs stops laughing, as he realizes a bra is on him] Aw, ya got me! Well, at least it's underwire. Here's your stinkin' Patty! [Mr. Krabs throws the Krabby Patty back to Plankton] Plankton: [catches the Krabby Patty] I don't understand. Is there a gas leak in here? SpongeBob: Knick-knack, the Patty's back! You did it, Mr. Plankton. Victory screech! [SpongeBob and all the customers start screeching] Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your victory screech, Plankton, because someday the Krabby Patty formula will be mine! SpongeBob: You'll never get this formula, you twisted fiend! Mr. Krabs: Oh, but I will. Even if I have to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... [Mr. Krabs leaves the Krusty Krab. Plankton starts sweating] And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... SpongeBob: [SpongeBob hands Plankton a phone] Phone call, Mr. Plankton. Mr. Krabs: And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... Plankton: [screams, then rips off his clothes] It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy. [Plankton presses the button for the Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier. He ends up back in the Chum Bucket. Holographic meatloaf is on the table] Holographic meatloaf? My favorite! [Plankton starts eating it, and is happy again]