Vladimir Putin and Ivan Drago the Machoke: Difference between revisions

This is the story of how they first met. It is predicted that he would have found this Machoke that he names Ivan Drago in the freezing expanses of Siberia, while he was hunting great bears with only a musket and a flask of Vodka. Luckily, when he was out hunting, he would have brought along a healthy supply of Pokeballs and rocks throw if he were to find a Pokemon upon chance. Putin would have a whole array of Pokeballs at the Kremlin on display. Great Balls, Ultra Balls, Net Balls, Nest Balls, Premier Balls, Dark Balls, Quick Balls, Timer Balls; just about every kind of Pokeball you can imagine. (He also used to have a Master Ball, but he suspected that the bitch that ran Du du Deutchland stole it when she last came to suck off his dick. He was always suspicious of her, but gosh darn, she did give a fine blow!) He also had copies of gym-badges from all around the Pokemon regions, and he proudly displayed all of this. After hours of exploring, he finally happened upon a wild and vicious creature while crawling through some tall, frost-bitten grass.

 

 

[[File:Putin and machoke wtf.png|center|300px|Putin and Ivan's first hug - and definitely not the last!]]

Putin gulped, and held out the Pokeball in front of the Machoke. The ball’s red capture beam engulfed the Machoke with its light, and the Pokemon was instantaneously drawn inside. Sweat dropped down Putin’s nose (which was strange because it was freezing) as the ball rocked back and forth, determining if this Pokemon could be captured. Один! Два! Три! (One, Two, Three!) The Pokeball stopped glowing and rocking. Putin had caught the Machoke! For one of the few times in his life, Putin actually felt like crying! That day had to have been one of the happiest days of his entire life! He picked up the Pokeball, and pocketed it. He made his way back to his helicopter, which took him back to Moscow.

 

 

[[File:Barack and dragonite.jpg|thumb|300px|Barack Obama and his Award-Winning Dragonite.|center]]

The shock caused Ivan to awake in a hurry, only to find that he had soiled his undergarments in real life as well as his dream. His trademark Machoke briefs and champion belt had to come off. The Pokemon reluctantly removed these articles of clothing from his body, and the now-naked Machoke returned to the bed next to Vladimir Putin. He hoped that he wouldn’t get urine on the bed sheets since his penis was still moist with the stuff, and the last thing he wanted to do was make his new master unhappy. Now, when Pokemon have trademark articles of clothing (like Machoke and Scraggy for example) attached to them, it becomes a part of their identity and it even ties directly to their self-worth. This was also true in Machoke’s case. Even with a ripped body and giant purple penis, Ivan felt insecure being naked without his clothes. This caused him to seek consolation elsewhere.

 

 

Putin turned on the lights, head dripping with sweat and urine, and looked right at the startled Ivan. The Russian President screamed in horror when he saw Ivan the Machoke standing there, stark naked with his bulging muscles and flaccid purple cock. The sight was so horrifying, that Vladimir jumped out of bed, and ran off to lock himself in his hunting closet. Embarrassed and ashamed, Ivan gathered his urine-soaked clothes, and made a break for the bedroom door. Putin’s accomplices and assistants heard the commotion, and rushed to see what was going on. It took almost an hour to convince Putin to come out of the closet where he was hiding, but when he did, he smelled of Pokemon sweat and urine! Once he calmed down, he asked where Ivan had gone. However, what he got was not the answer he wanted...