Woody Woodpecker in: "Mr. Pecker Loses His Cool": Difference between revisions

It was my 33rd birthday. I had been sitting at home, alone, requesting that people RSVP to join the awesome party. I invited the entire block, but nobody showed up. I had place settings on the dining room table for 20 people. There were balloons, streamers and a delicious birthday cake with "Happy Birthday Remus" written in beautiful icing by the hot Publix grandma.

 

 

Now I always liked Woody Woodpecker as a kid, but it had been years since I'd put the program on. We didn't have many TV shows in West Virginia, where I was born and raised. "Put the tape on". A voice whispered. It may have been my degenerating mental health talking. See, there's some fluid in the ears that generates voices, and when you spend too much time alone the fluid in your ears starts moving on its own to tell you things, because it has nothing else to do. I noticed there were some cat bones laying out in the sidewalk in the shape of an "X" but I didn't make any notice of it.

I pulled the VHS out of it slipcase. This thing must have been several decades old. I was highly concerned about the quality and fidelity of this VHS program, because I myself had to view everything In HD at 220ppi megapixels in HD. I didn't work for twenty goddamn years to view lackluster HD, goddamn it.

 

 

The bizarre Mr. Pecker was shown wandering into a supermarket. "I am fucking insane." Woody Woodpecker smiled. He started poking people with pins. What the fuck? Why? You see a family arguing about what to eat for dinner when Mr. Pecker pokes them. "Ow!" The woman screams. Woody Woodpecker empties his comedic pockets out, dropping anvils, forks, knives, a "comedic bomb" which didn't look very funny and a sledgehammer. "How'd you like the prank!" He giggles. "It wasn't a prank!" The woman screamed. Woody Woodpecker picks up the sledgehammer and slams it into the woman's legs, knocking her over and shattering her kneecaps while people scream .

Jesus Christ. "Stand under the tools." A voice whispered. I started to stroll toward the tools before realizing It could've been a trap! I stood far away from the tools as someone shook the shed, and the tools fell, cracking the floor. It shattered a festive melon I kept near the toolshed. "Hahaha, I guess you could say you really got 'ahead' in life." The voice whispered. I think the figure, whatever it was, thought that was my head. I yelled, and pulled out the rifle. It was a massive, bird-like woodpecker creature with claws, moth wings and violent chittering teeth! It looked exactly like the one in the cartoon, except it had a birthday hat on. It leered up like the fires from hell and smiled at me. I pulled the trigger on the rifle, as a tiny pop was heard.

 

 

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