"autocorrect"

zomg tis a true story tis true

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Hi. I am a mysterious beast from hell. No. I am not a demon.

I look as cool as Zalgo, much stronger than him of course, more smarter than Geo Guy and Little Guy combined, and more skinnier and badass than Eric Cartman. But what happened is so bizarre that it will make you weirded out.

So one day, while walking town the street, some random-ass dude came up to me. I told him, "What are you doing here, mortal?" in my demonic voice. The man told me, "To warn you about something. Something horrible."

"Horrible?" I asked. "There's nothing more horrible than me."

"Seriously."

"Ok then, tell me what it is, NOW."

"It's autocorrect," the man said.

I cracked up a bit too hard. "Autocorrect?!?" I said. "That's sooo scary," I said sarcastically, "How about you go suffer in a world of pain?"

The man said, "Autocorrect is terrible. If you use it and bad things happen, don't say I didn't warn ya!"

He scrambled off.

So I decided to sit on a bench and take out my iPhone, and decided to see what the fuck he was talking about. I typed in "dkfjfkrkrfndpestering meidf" and it got autocorrected with "Stop pestering me."

All of a sudden, the same man from before came to me, floating.

"What did I tell you?!?" he said, in a vey demonic voice. I've seen better, though.

He scratched me, and now I'm in the hospital, feeling nothing, as if my guts were torn out. And I was right. My guts were torn out. I screamed frantically and that's why you may see me with a scar on my chest.

This is also why I manually correct my stuff from now on. You have been warned.

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