A Cancer
Sam's Birthday: Chapter 1
There once was a kid. Sam was a happy kid. He liked dinosaurs, and um.. Monster trucks. Sam's birthday was coming up, he was going to be ten years old. His parents were very excited for him. They decided to get him an archeology kit due to his interest in dinosaurs, and The Past. It was Sam's birthday. He was ten. He had chocolate cake. Jesus Christ, I'm already getting shivers talking about this. His parents got him the archeology kit. Inside, was a streak plate. It was a normal streak plate. Naturally, Sam being the idiotic ten year old he his, quickly saw the streak plate and thought it was a piece of candy and devoured it.
I Am A Doctor: Chapter 2
It was an ordinary day at the ER. But somehow, I felt it was cold. I heard the blaring of a siren from outside. I knew there was going to be a patient, that I - Doctor Branson - was going to have to save. As I was standing in the operating room, sweat was dripping off of I - Doctor Branson - ..I - Doctor Branson - proceeded to operate on the patient. He was a boy named Sam. I thought he looked like a Jimmy. I - Doctor Branson - would name my son, Jimmy. We noticed there was an obstruction in his crotch - Because I - Doctor Branson - am a pedophile. It was a Cancer. A testicular Cancer.
The Operation: Chapter 3
I - Doctor Branson - immediately sprung into action, carefully cutting off the testicular sack - Wait, no. The Ball Sack. I - Doctor Branson - then precisely and quickly removed it so I - Doctor Branson - could operate on the crotch area. It was then, I - Doctor Branson - noticed an anomaly. It was a small alien life form. I - Doctor Branson - singlehandedly discovered an extraterrestrial life form. I - Doctor Branson - took the laser and attacked Sam's crotch-alien with the laser. It shrieked fearfully and was stunned by the laser. Then, I - Doctor Branson - swiftly swiped the alien with the scalpel to discover that it was not Sam with the Cancer. The alien had a testicular Cancer.
The Testicular Cancer: Chapter 4
I - Doctor Branson - removed the alien's testicular Cancer. I - Doctor Branson - realized the operation was on Sam, not the alien. Then I - Doctor Branson - implanted the Cancer into Sam, and took it out for a successful operation. I - Doctor Branson - then stored the Cancer in the Cancer Storage Unit to use the Cancer for.. Other, purposes.
I - Doctor Branson: Chapter 5
I - Doctor Branson - went home with the Cancer. I - Doctor Branson - took the Cancer, and implanted it into I - Doctor Branson's - crotch area. Then after that, I - Doctor Branson - banged many chicks fer dayz.
Epilogue
I - Doctor Branson - fought valiantly in my battle against the testicular Cancer. But, in the end.. I - Doctor Branson - lost against the testicular Cancer.
Now you might be thinking, "What a twist that I - Doctor Branson - have delivered." But no, the only twist that I - Doctor Branson - has delivered was the twist that I - Doctor Branson - delivered your mother last night!
Written by Doctor Branson
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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