A Christmas Horror Story
Our story begins on December 21st Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve, 1975 I MEAN modern day. People were outside singing songs about grandmas getting run over by reindeers and old bearded men dressed in red breaking into people’s houses through their chimneys to give them presents.
Jeff the Killer was also preparing for Christmas with his family, IF HE FUCKING HAD ONE!!! Since he had murdered his family years ago, he now had no one to celebrate Christmas with. Because of that he now hated Christmas more than anything else. Although he would still put-up Christmas decorations and still celebrate Christmas for... some reason.
Meanwhile a few thousand or million miles away in the Big Apple also known as New York City, William, a 97-year-old teenager was just like Jeff preparing for Christmas with his family, except he actually had a family. His family were decorating the Christmas Tree while he sat in his room writing a letter to Santa about what he wanted for Christmas. On the letter he wrote.
"Dear Santa, I have been a very good 97-year-old teenage boy. Please leave me lots of presents and don’t leave me any god damn clothes like last year or I’m going to book a flight to the North Pole and murder you and Mrs. Claus in your guy's sleep."
As William was writing that letter to Santa Jeff was sharpening one of his knives from his collection of 4836 knives in his 50-billion-dollar mansion which doubled as a 50-billion-dollar helicopter and a 25-billion-dollar yacht. His 50-billion-dollar mansion or should I say mansions also had multiple butlers.
December 22nd Christmas Eve Eve Eve:
The one and only Santa was preparing for Christmas that day. Doing things like telling his Elves to get the FUCK back to work and making sure his reindeers weren’t actual reindeers or at least not the ones that couldn’t fly, so basically every single reindeer besides the ones that Santa has.
While Santa was preparing for Christmas in the North Pole Jeff woke up on his 75-billion-dollar bed in his other 50-billion-dollar mansion. Then his phone made of gold started to ring. He picked it up and heard that it was Slenderman who was calling him or... maybe it was Jane the Killer, NO WAIT IT WAS BEN DROWNED! Anyways, Jeff then told Ben why he called him. Ben then said to Jeff.
"I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come back to the Shittypasta mansion to celebrate Christmas with us?"
Jeff answered with.
"You mean the Creepypasta mansion?"
Ben answered back with.
"Yes, I meant to say the Creepypasta mansion but whatever. Do you still want to come over?"
Jeff then told him.
"No, fuck off."
Then he hung up. Jeff really didn’t want to come to the Creepypasta mansion to celebrate Christmas with them, since he already had his own 50-billion-dollar mansion but mostly because he hated Christmas.
After that happened William was going to deliver his letter to Santa. Except he couldn’t because his letter blew away from all the wind outside the second, he stepped outside.
8 hours later William’s letter had flown all the way to Jeff the Killer’s other 50-billion-dollar mansion. The letter then broke through one of the windows. Jeff then picked the letter up to see what it said.
Then after reading it he got an idea, an awful idea, a wonderful, awful idea. Jeff was going to kill Santa Claus.
December 23rd Christmas Eve Eve:
Nothing happened that day.
December 24th Christmas Eve:
That was the day that Jeff was going to kill Santa. He took one of his knives from his collection and put on some armor as well. Except he couldn’t afford any good armor even though he could afford multiple 50-billion-dollar mansions. So instead, he just put on some random cheap toy armor that he got from a store.
He was then about to use his 50-billion-dollar mansions helicopter feature but realized that he was too good for that, so he ordered a new helicopter online. While he was waiting for it to arrive, he decided to call the Creepypasta mansion to tell them his plan to kill Santa Claus. He then went to his phone and rang them.
Eyeless Jack answered the phone this time and asked why Jeff was calling them. Jeff responded by saying his entire plan of killing Santa word for word. Which Slenderman really didn’t like, he was ok with Jeff killing people but not with Jeff killing Santa.
Slenderman then told everyone in the mansion about how Jeff was planning to kill Santa Claus. Everyone in the entire mansion then started to shout at the top of their lungs.
"GOD DAMN IT I’M PISSED OFF AT THAT LITTLE BITCH CALLED JEFF THE MOTHERFUCKING KILLER GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The helicopter eventually arrived at Jeff’s 50-billion-dollar mansion, so Jeff then hung up the phone and began assembling the helicopter. Just kidding, Jeff thought he was too good for any of that. He instead had some of his butlers assemble it.
The people at the Creepypasta mansion were still really pissed off at Jeff. Although a while later Slenderman realized that they probably didn’t really need to care that much. Everyone there asked him why to which he answered with.
"Because most if not all of us here don’t even have a family to celebrate Christmas with."
After Slenderman had said that everyone at the Shittypasta mansion answered back with.
"Yeah, good point."
Now the helicopter had finally been assembled but Jeff wasn’t flying it yet. He was waiting until it was nearly midnight so that he could kill Santa at the perfect time.
After waiting for 16 hours, it was now 11 PM. Jeff then flew his helicopter to New York City and right when he got there, he saw the one and only Santa flying in the air on his stupid ass sleigh carried by his nine stupid ass flying reindeers.
Santa then landed on the roof of one of the buildings there. Jeff then took out one of his knifes from his pocket and was just about to kill Santa with it but that was cut short because William had noticed what Jeff was going to do and opened one of the windows to shout.
"Hey, you can’t kill Santa you shithead, only I can if he leaves any clothes for Christmas!"
Santa then looked behind and saw that Jeff was indeed going to kill him. He already knew who Jeff was and knew why Jeff hated Christmas so much. He then said to Jeff.
"Well Jeff if you’re going to be FUCKING angry about Christmas then why don’t you go back to day 1!"
Santa then used his fucking extreme powers to send Jeff back to December 1st.
December 1st Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve:
The radios had already been playing Christmas music since November. Jeff woke up on his 75-billion-dollar bed, looked at his calendar and saw that it was December 1st, 1867. He then ran to his phone and called up the Creepypasta mansion. This time it was Slenderman that picked up the phone. He asked Jeff why he was calling. Jeff answered by saying.
"The reason that I’m calling you guys is because Santa sent me back to December 1st after I tried to kill him."
"How fucking stupid can you be to not know that Santa was going to send you back to December 1st because you tried to kill him?"
Jeff then hung up and walked outside. He saw that some people were starting to set up their Christmas trees. Which Jeff thought was weird since it was only December 1st, so he lit the tree on fire. He then heard a sound from the sky, he looked up and saw 3 ghosts coming towards him. It was his parents and his brother Liu or rather his former parents and his former brother Liu because they had been killed years ago. After they had come down from the sky, they had this to say to Jeff.
"Hello there Jeff. We have come down to earth to tell you that you are a fucking idiot for not knowing that Santa was going to send you back to December 1st if you tried to kill him. Yeah, you thought we wouldn’t know didn’t you Jeff you motherfucking idiot. Anyways we've got to go now, bye."
They then flew into the sky as Jeff was shouting at them to come back down.
"HEY, GET THE FUCK BACK DOWN HERE YOU LITTLE SHITHEADS!!! COME BACK DOWN HERE AND I’LL KICK YOUR ASSES!!!"
Those were just some of the things that Jeff was shouting at them as they flew back into the sky, just like I said before.
December 2nd Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve:
It was now the next day and Killing Scary Guy Man Original Character DO NOT STEAL was carrying in a Christmas tree to the Creepypasta mansion. Jeff then walked into the mansion and immediately walked to Slenderman and told him.
"Well Slenderman if you... wait why are you guys setting up a Christmas tree right now? It’s December 2nd."
Slenderman then answered with.
"What do you mean? Isn’t it normal to set up your Christmas tree on December 2nd?"
Jeff answered back with.
"I mean don’t most people usually put them up on like... December 21st or something?"
Slenderman then said.
"Uh no I don’t think so."
Jeff then said.
"ok"
Then he walked out of the mansion. After Jeff had gone out of the mansion, Killing Scary Guy Man Original Character DO NOT STEAL asked Slenderman.
"How can you talk if you don’t even have a face?"
To which Slenderman answered with.
"I’m glad you asked. Basically, I’m ju-"
Jeff had then walked for so long that he came to a nearby airport. Which was only a few centimeters away, I’m surprised he didn’t die from how cold it was outside. He then booked a flight and was about to go on an expensive private flight to New York to visit his third 50-billion-dollar mansion.
Except when Jeff landed Donald Trump came up to him and gave him and had these words to say to him.
"Good evening, Jeff I Mr. Trump would like to give you an offer of money for you to kill Santa Claus." Donald Trump said.
"Wait, aren’t you supposed to be in prison?" Jeff said after hearing what Donald Trump said.
"No, you don’t understand. I bailed myself out of prison a long time ago, that’s how I’m here right now and not in prison." Donald Trump said back to Jeff.
"Ok then what did you want?" Jeff said since he didn’t hear what Donald said first.
"Well, I would like to offer you money to kill Santa Claus for me. Because he didn’t bring me any fucking presents last year." Donald Trump said.
"Hmm... well that of course depends on how much money you will give me if I kill him." Jeff said.
"2 cents, that’s the amount of money I’ll give you." Donald Trump said.
"Nah you got to add a bit more money to it." Jeff said.
"Ok I’ll give you 3 cents if you kill him." Donald Trump said.
"I’ll do it." Jeff said.
Now Jeff was going to find another way to kill Santa but not have him send him back to December 1st again and collect the reward of 3 cents from Donald Trump.
December 3rd Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve:
William was in this part of the story, see? I said his name which means that he was in this part.
Anyways, Jeff was sharpening one of his knives in his collection that he could use to kill Santa but then he realized something. He realized that using a Knife probably wasn’t a good idea since Santa could easily just dodge it and send him back to December 1st again, so instead he took out a gun and was going to use that on Santa instead.
"So, do you know how you’re going to kill Santa" Donald Trump said after walking into Jeff’s third 50-billion-dollar mansion.
"Yeah, I’ll just shoot him with this gun" Jeff then said.
"Perfect!" Trump said.
As Trump was about to walk outside, he noticed Jeff’s calendar and asked him a question.
"Why does your calendar say it’s 1867?" Trump asked.
"Because it’s from 1867." Jeff answered with.
"But why would you use a calendar from 1867?" Trump asked.
"Because it still kind of works even though it’s not 1867." Jeff answered with.
"Um ok." Trump said.
Then he walked out of Jeff’s third 50-billion-dollar mansion. As he was walking out Jeff noticed something outside his window. It was a family that was carrying a Christmas tree with them.
"Damn it why are so many fucking people getting a Christmas tree right now. It’s not even really been a few days since November." Jeff said.
He then took out his gun and pointed it at the dad. Then he pulled the trigger and killed the dad because they were getting a Christmas tree on December 3rd which Jeff didn’t like. I guess it’s because he hated Christmas.
December 4th Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve:
On that day Jeff said to himself fuck it and was going to use his time machine to come back to December 24th Christmas Eve
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Jeff has a time machine, but before he was going to go back, he did some shit to prevent some time paradox shit from happening. Then he went 20 days forward in time, basically he went back to December 24th.
December 24th Christmas Eve:
It was the day before Christmas but who cares about that because this was the day that Jeff had gone back to.
Jeff was already in New York City at that time, so he didn’t need to buy another helicopter to make it there. He then looked up and saw himself getting sent back to December 1st by Santa. Jeff then took out his gun and went up the staircase that was on the side of the house. Although he tripped and fell right when he was nearing the roof top due to all the snow outside.
After Jeff fell from all the stairs, he noticed that the guys from the Creepypasta mansion were coming there. He asked them why they were coming here to which they answered with.
"We’re just here to see you get sent back to December 1st again."
"Wait how do you know that I’m going to get sent back to December 1st again?" Jeff asked.
"Oh, we just knew that you would probably do that kind of shit." They answered with.
Donald Trump then came as well and so did William plus Jeff’s dead family’s ghosts. Now listen, the reason that all these characters are in this part of the story is because I needed them there since this story is almost over.
"So, Jeff what are you waiting for? Go kill Santa Claus already." Trump said to Jeff.
"Yeah, go kill him so you can get sent back to... uh never mind." Jeff’s dead family’s ghosts said.
"Well, I guess it could be fun to watch you get sent back to December 1st again. I mean that’s the entire reason why we’re here." Slenderman said.
"No don’t kill Santa Claus. Only I can kill him." William said.
While Trump, Jeff’s dead family’s ghosts, the Creepypasta gang and William were talking Jeff was running up the stairs again except this time he didn’t trip and fall.
When he finally made it up, he pointed the gun at Santa and said these six words to Santa.
"See you in hell Shitty Claus."
He then tried to shoot him but couldn’t because one of the bullets got jammed inside of the god damn gun. As Jeff was trying to fix the problem Santa said this to him.
"You know what Jeff you've been on the Naughty List for way too long. So basically, what I’m going to do is kill your sorry ass."
Santa then took out a gun from his pocket and pointed it at Jeff. At the same time those guys from before came up to the roof top except for Trump because he wanted to watch Santa get killed from his room in the Trump Tower.
After all of the people from before made it up to the roof top they asked Santa why he was pointing a gun at Jeff. Santa then said to them.
"Oh well you see everyone Jeff over here is on my Naughty List this year so that’s why I’m going to kill him."
Then he shot Jeff and then Jeff died, how sad.
December 25th Christmas Day:
It was finally Christmas. People were still outside singing songs and doing some other shit. Everyone also got nice ass presents from Santa that day except for Jeff because he was dead.
THE END
Written by Monasterio
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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