A Generic Pokemon Pasta

So I would say that I've always been a fan of the Pokemon franchise. I will always cherish my memories of training my little grass frog to beat the shit out of everything that stands in its path. However, for a brief period, around the release of generation 5(Black/White, Black2/White2), I entered a phase where I thought I was too old for Pokemon. Obviously, I am no longer in that ridiculous phase. Because of this, I never got to play a gen 5 game. I would spend hours upon hours searching for a copy of the games on eBay or Amazon, only to find that the games are SO GODDAMN EXPENSIVE. Eventually, though, my search bore fruit, or so I thought. I found a copy of pokemon white(I prefer Zekrom, sue me) for the low, low price of a mere $25. Initially, I questioned it. "Why would a gen 5 game be this cheap?" "Is there maybe something wrong with it?". Eventually, my curiosity won out. I purchased the game and it promptly arrived within the next two days.

   When it finally arrived, my excitement peaked. I ran to grab my Nintendo 3Ds XL edition. As I inserted the cartridge, the all-too-familiar click of the cartridge fitting perfectly within the slot sounded like a perfect three-part harmony to my ears. As I booted up the game, I was greeted not by a 3D-rendered model of the Pitch-Black Pokemon, Zekrom, but by an odd Pokemon that resembled a fusion of Giratina and Kyurem.
  That was not where the mystery ended, however, as instead of a title reading "Pokemon White version", it read "Pokemon Void version" in an odd, distorted, glitchy text. At this point, the thought crossed my mind that this was just some ROM hack and not the game I was expecting. However, "Pokemon is Pokemon is Pokemon is Pokemon", I thought to myself as I started a new game.
  As I awoke to the iconic "Welcome to the world of Pokemon" screen, I was given a rude awakening, as instead of the grand, adventurous music I was expecting, I was given a warped, garbled mess of sounds that vaguely resembled the Lavender Town theme from Pokemon Red and Blue versions. On top of that, professor Juniper was replaced by a glitchy mass of pixels that reminded me of missingNo. At this point, I began to become uneasy, but being the brave, grown adult I am, I ventured farther into the game. As I made it to the part where I picked my starter, I noticed something. The starters had a solemn, almost mournful, look in their eyes. To this, I paid no mind as I chose the funni smug danger noodle(I names him Hat Kid). Now, I know what you're going to say, "Hey Dumbass, Snivy has the lowest base stat total of all the grass starters" but I don't give A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING OPINION, YOU BITCH.