A Redneck's Experience With Sonic.exe

Y'all may al'rdy know this, but I'm a fan of Sonic the hedgehog. I be a fan o' the current games, but I'm fine with the classics. Now I don't think I ever played a glitched one er a hacked one, but I don't wanna no more after what happened.

It all began on a late summer night. I be playin' that Sonic Unleashed game, bein' a fan of the town exploration, when I saw something in the coner of ma' eye. It be the mail guy, so I pause my game and went to get ma' mail. The only thing in th' box was a fancy CD case an' a note.

The note was from m' friend Kyle as we be callin 'im, who I hadn't seen in two weeks. For whatever reas'n, he didn't write 'is name, so I is only able to 'dentify 'im by 'is handwriting. It be lookin' scratchy and badly wrote, as if 'e were in a real hurry.

This here be what 'e wrote...

Tom,

I can't take this no more. I gots to get rid of this thing b'fore it was too late, and I was hopin' you'd do it fer me. I can't do it, he be after me. If you don't do it, he be comin' fer you too. I can't do it, he be too fast fer me.

Please, Tom, destroy this here god-damned disc b'fore he comes fer you too.

D'stroy the disc and you'll be d'stroyin' im too. Don't even play th' game, it's what he wants...

-Kyle

That be 'un of the strangest things I seen all day, I tell you. Even though Kyle be my best friend and I hadn't been seein him in two weeks, I didn't d'stroy the game.

Anyway, I look at the disc, which be a normal CD-R thing, except fer the Sonic.exe written on it. When I see SONIC, I bee wantin' to play it, bein' a huge Sonic fan an' all.

I be installin' the game, right? Well anyway, when I be seein' the classic screen I be thinkin' it be cooler than homemade mashed potatoes. Sumthin' be different, though... When I click start, the last frame became somethin' strange... Sonic's eyes be black, with red colored pupils n' blood coming out. Th' sky and water b'came blood red.

I figurin' it be jus' a glitch.

Anyways, afterward it cut black fer 'bout 10 seconds er so. Then the save screen from sonic 3 wit the background all shadowy. Music was creepy caverns from Earthbound, but backwards. The image for the save file was red static.

Even more creepier be the character select. It was Tails, Knuckles, and that Robotnik man. I be understandin' now that the game be hacked. I pick tails and hear a Kefka laugh. I be thinkin' "SWEET JESUS WHY KEFKA BE IN THIS GAME?"

I be seein' the level title: "HILL: ACT 1" and hearin' the music, which was peaceful but backwards. I make Tails run when I hear the music slow on down upon seein' dead animals. Tails is lookin' depressed at this point. After a while, animals disappear an' I see Sonic himself with his eyes closed, facin' away from Tails. Tails moves towards Sonic as I be hearin' static get louder. I be feelin' like Tails be in danger. Tails sticks 'is hand out t' Sonic. Suddenly, Sonic be openin' his eyes, which were just like the title screen.

The screen go black and display white text: "Hello. Do you want to play with me?" I be thinkin' "Hell no I don't want to play with you." B'fore I could do anything, the next level loads. "HIDE AND SEEK" they be callin' it. Now Tails was on a burnin' Island, as if there be a bonfire gone horr'bly wrong. Tails looks at me as if to says "Get me outta here." I is makin' him run as fast as possible, hopin' to get him out.

I hear the Kefka laugh again as evil Sonics be appearin' on screen. Sonic now be grinnin' evilly and chasin' Tails. Eventually, Tails trips and both Sonic and the music stop. After a while, Sonic reappearin' in front of Tails, smilin'. The screen goes black as I hear Tails screamin' fer 'bout five seconds.

I be freakin' out now. Did Sonic be murderin' Tails? But they was best friends, right?

I got back t' the character selection screen, where tails was black and has blood from his black eyes. I pick Knuckles now, when I be seein' YOU CAN'T RUN fer the level title. The level be havin' a metal ground with the background bein' like th' title screen. The music be scarin' me the most, the Giygas' the from Earthbound. Knuckles lookin' scared now, like tails be, just not as scared. I make 'im run down the straight ground.

Red static flashes on the screen, as well as that Kefka laugh be, and afterwards the ground be stained with blood. Knuckles' lookin' nauseated now, but I keep 'im going forwards. Sonic appears in fron' a Knuckles, with the words "FOuNd YOu" appearing on screen. Red static be comin' again as I make Knuckles punch sonic. Sonic vanishes and reappears behind Knuckles. Also, the high-pitched wailing noise from Sil'nt Hill be in the background. I make Knuckles punch sonic again. Sonic bein' annoyin' at this point, he disappears again. Knuckles sits on the ground, cryin', as if the game be drivin' us both crazy.

In a split-second, Sonic be lungin' at Knuckles. Knuckles be screamin' fer five seconds, like Tails as the screen goes black. In white text, the screen says "So many souls to play with, so little time... Wouldn't you agree?" Hell naw I don't agree wit' that!

I was taken back to th' selection screen, where Knuckles looked a lot like Tails be lookin'. Anyways, I s'lected Robotnik. I now be in some kinda hallway of sorts. It had a shiny checkered-like floor and a purple wall with torches lining it. Th' background music be the same song from when I played as tails, just on a piano. Robotnik be lookin rather calm, so I be havin' him run forwards. Eventually, he comes to a set of stairs. I have 'im go down the stairs, an' nuttin really happened, other than the torches seemed blue. I hear another Kefka laugh in th' background as the torches b'come black and th' background b'comes darker. Robotnik be lookin' all scared, although he looks like he tryin' to hide it. Sonic then appeared n' front o' Robotnik. Red static appeared for 15 sec'nds r' so, afterwards it showed me an image the sonic from the game, smilin' right at me. He had ra'or sharp teeth, and his fur be lookin' so real you could almost touch it...

I then realized sumthin'; this Sonic be the antichrist. This sonic be a demon of ultimate power. I be scared at this point; real scared. After a while, the screen fades to black for 'bout sev'n seconds. A loud scream be heard during this here timeframe. Words showed up after the screaming were finished. "Ready for round 2, Tom?" I then got booted to the selection screen, where Robotnik had th' same look 's the rest of th'm.

My c'mputer then shut itself off and wouldn't turn back on. I be callin' tech support, but they wouldn't help. After 'bout 25 seconds after the last call, I hear a voice b'hind me.

"Try to keep this interesting for me, Tom."

I turn 'round to see the source o' the noise.

Sittin' on my bed, starin' right at me...

...be a Sonic plushie, smilin' with blood under them eyes.

Comments • 0

Loading comments...