American Dad: Goodbye to the USA
Hello reader, my name is Kenzie, and I'm here to tell you something…
Have you ever heard of this show called American Dad? You Know! The show with a CIA Agent named Stan. Well, I'm here to tell you about an episode named "Goodbye to the USA!". You may have thought to yourself: "WTF IS GOODBYE TO THE USA?!" Well, I'm here to tell you…
It was the year 2021, Streaming was dominant then ever and COVID Restrictions were lifted. I went to Target because I needed groceries for the week, once I got all my groceries from my list, I decided to go to the DVDs and CDs section to have a look through all the latest releases. And then I found a mysterious DVD with the words "American Dad!" no fancy artwork or something, just a white case with the words in comic sans. I decided to buy it because I was curious on what the DVD might have contained, I also bought two Futurama DVDs that were Volume 7 and Volume 8 respectively as I was also a fan of that show. Once I went to the cashier, he just looked at me once he scanned the mysterious American Dad DVD. He said "J-Just take it, no seriously, it's all yours, JUST GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!" I was then confused and just said "okay…" and walked off without a word.
When I got home, I got a bag of Sour Patch Kids and a can of Sprite. Put the DVD in my DVD player and sat down.
Before the DVD started, there was the usual: an FBI warning that no one would read, the 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment logo and a preview, which is odd since around that time, DVD previews were dead as Streaming was the "Future". The preview was for Family Guy, it wasn't creepy or anything, it was just choppy with the sound sounding like a cheap bootleg toy from 1995. I thought my DVD player was broken, I felt like fixing it until the preview started to feel less choppy and the audio started to become clearer. After the preview, the screen went black for 3 minutes without explanation, I thought the DVD player broke for real until out of nowhere, the Smith house popped up almost scaring me!
Now onto the episode…
The episode started off like any AD! episode would. The Smiths in the house, talking about random stuff, they were in the living room, all looking blank. Steve starts saying "Wow, what a boring Saturday…" Hayley then replies with "Tell me about it, me and Jeff barely know what to do, I mean, Jeff wanted to go to the 'new' McDonald's play place, but I wasn't having that." Francine then says "Yeah, Especially when Stan is around, no offense to him but he can be the worst." Hayley then replies with: "Especially since he kidnapped most of us at one point, faking being at San Francisco." Francine then replies with: "Oh yeah, I remember that." Then Stan Smith appears asking what they are talking about. With the whole Smith family turning their back on him, Stan and Francine then have a conversation about how terrible life is, and how bad they are with each other. Klaus then looks at Stan as he angrily leaves the room with Klaus saying under his breath: "Stan you ruin everything! EVERYTHING!"
We then get a 1 min Montage with every single bad thing Stan did to his family while "Mr Blue Sky" was playing, after the Montage finished, the words "America's worst Father" appeared. Then the intro played, it was slightly choppy with red tint to it, I also noticed that all of the Smiths in the intro looked kind of tired and scared. They all had baggy-eyes and black eye on their left eye. And instead of Klaus throwing the keys at Stan like he normally does, he just stands there not moving with a very angry face. Stan looks at Klaus for a few seconds and just leaves with no emotion. When Stan is driving, Roger appeared as usual, but didn't say "Good morning USA" but something in reverse, I had no clue on what it was but I assume it had something to do with the episode. Roger was wearing what appeared to be a pink business suit with white hair. After Roger says something in reverse, it just cut to black for 3 minutes again. "This is the 2nd time this happened goddamit!" I said to myself.
Then the episode started for real, it started off with a shot of the CIA then cutting to Stan doing work in his office looking kinda mad. Bullock walks up to him asking what's wrong, Stan says: "Oh, its my family, I feel like they're getting some kind of trauma from me, I guess I am a worst Father…" Bullock then laughs it off saying: "Oh really? All you're trying to do is save the world!" Stan then sighs and walks to the window, Dick asks Stan why he's doing it, with Stan replying with "I don't know, why do you wanna know too…" He stares at the window for around 10 seconds.
Meanwhile, the rest of the family are in the living room plotting for revenge on Stan, they think of many ideas until they come up with one final one: Make him feel the same pain and trauma that they had to go through. Steve asks "isn't it going to be hard to do?" With Francine saying "nope, anythings possible". Suddenly, Roger popped up in a persona that no one had seen before, his name was Kenny Gotthat, pro at everything. He wore an Elvis-like hairdo with a Blue T-shirt, white jacket and black jeans. Roger then tells the family that they should just kill Stan already. Everyone's a bit concerned at first but they just get on with it because everyone hates Stan.
Back at the CIA, Stan is doing work when he gets a phonecall from a strange number, dumb as he is, he gets the phones and says "Y'ello?" Roger is using the phone as he says offscreen: "Hey Staniel, you have 70 minutes to react because I'm gonna kill you, yeah you, I'm putting the whole world out of its misery because you're the one ruining it!" I thought to myself "WTF IS this episode??" But I continued watching just because.
Stan is a little scared at first but decides to laugh it off saying "As if I'm really gonna die!" And he hangs the phone. Meanwhile, Roger throws the phone out of the window saying "SHIT! He didn't react!" Francine asks Roger if he could make it a little more believable, which Roger says "Does the whole family wanna die too then?" While he holds a gun, everyone says no but then he purposefully shoots Klaus, leaving blood in the fishbowl, Steve runs to pick up Klaus and Klaus replies with "Tell Stan that his agency are nothing but liars…" and then he dies. Steve starts becoming very shocked as he tells Roger to put down the gun. Roger says "No!" And Steve and Roger start fighting, making Roger drop the gun.
The scene cuts to Stan getting his lunch from the Fridge at the CIA, then he finds a knife with blood, he thinks the blood is fake until he hears screaming. He wonders what's going on and then he finds everyone in panic, all huddled around each other.
There's a dead body of Bullock just lying there, Stan asks what had happened to Bullock until everyone gasps, they all think that Stan killed him, Stan then looks at his hand finding some blood stains. Stan then starts saying "It wasn't me, believe me!"
Dick then appears and says "THEN WHAT IS THIS?" as he holds a knife that we saw before. Stan then runs off Crying, he then finds out he's on the CIA's watchlist, Stan comes home realizing that there are police outside, the police ask him questions with Stan saying that he didn't do any of that. Then his whole family appears Scheming at him. Roger also appears saying "Well well well, look who's here, Mr Trauma!" Everyone starts laughing at Stan and Stan starts becoming furious aswell, "Well, at least I'm not Mr Kill you gotta believe me, I didn't do it!" Roger then starts cheering saying "Yeah! I DID IT! Stan is no more!" Stan gets arrested and the Family realize something odd, Roger was laughing the whole time, Hayley then says that he's forced them to laugh. Roger becomes confused and starts saying "Forced to laugh, what? No! Forced to laugh, am I right?"
The scene then cuts to the news with Greg announcing that Stan is serving a lifetime in Prison. The rest of the Smiths are watching the news realizing that they made a huge mistake. Well, except Roger because he's Roger. "I know we shouldn't do this, but we should get him out of here" Francine said with a bit of worry in her eyes. She then plots a plan to break Stan out of Jail.
The gang all huddles up with Roger sitting there saying "Boooorrriiinnnggg!" And leaving. The plan continues as everyone agrees.
Francine gets her red car out and everyone (except Roger) gets inside, they drive as quickly as possible, Francine then continues here plan for the final time, and Hayley replies with "This is exciting, but Where's Jeff?"
The scene then cuts to Jeff in his van saying "Save Stan? What a load of BS!"
The scene cuts back to the car and Hayley realizes that Jeff didn't want to be apart of this.
Once they reach the prison, they park their car and run to save Stan. They run around finding his cell and then they find him, Stan looked tired in there, and barely moved. Everyone starts to get worried for Stan with Francine saying "Stan, what's wrong?" Stan then starts saying something in reverse, everyone gasps. "No!!!! WHY DID WE HAVE TO HIRE KENNY?!" Francine cried with fear. Eventually, Stan starts saying "are we gonna go or what?" with everyone cheering then quickly escaping the cell. However, they were stopped by 2 security guards, they didn't speak, they just stared at them. Stan decides to punch them both and then the Smiths make a run for it.
The scene then cuts to Jeff Fischer in his van laughing about how dumb "saving Stan" sounded. Then he hears something dripping, he then says "wow, that's odd, Is that ketchup?" Jeff then looks up and he sees the roof of the van had a medium sized hole in it. The scene cuts to Roger (as Kenny) saying "Jeff, it'll all be over soon…" as Roger is seen pouring real blood inside the van. Roger then jumps to the van and stabs Jeff multiple times until he stops moving. When watching that scene, I screamed "HOLY SHIT! JEFF IS DEAD! AND THAT WAS VERY GORY!"
The scene then cuts to the Smiths returning home, Roger sees this and runs to them. Now back in the house, The Smiths are laughing about the times Stan had been a bad dad. Stan then replies with "At least I didn't blow up the world" and everyone starts laughing until they realize something, there's blood in Jeff's Van, Hayley starts becoming concerned and says "Is he…dead?" Roger then appears out of nowhere saying "Yeah, he is, and I'm taking you and your whole family with me!" Everyone starts laughing it off until Roger punches Hayley, "What did you just do?" Stan says before being punched, Steve starts screaming until he is punched too, and for Francine, she says "You won't get away with this!" angrily before she too is punched.
The scene goes blank for three minutes and I thought to myself "Is this fucking real?" three minutes later I saw Stan, Steve, Hayley and Francine in the basement. They all had black eye on their left eye, looked like a mix between scared and tired, and they were all tied up with duct tape on their mouths. Roger then appears out of nowhere saying "No one messes with Roger, especially not you Stan! Now, you only have seconds to react because by the time I finish this sentence, you will all die! And for you Stan, you're America's worst Father, I'm serious, and Stan it's not just you I'm taking with me, it's your whole family! That's right, you brought them trauma into their life, and now I'm bringing it to you too…" Roger then connects a time bomb to all the Smiths and starts singing I want it that Way by the Backstreet boys. Roger then turns the time bomb on and quickly runs out. He then steals one of the neighbors cars and drives off to the sunset hysterically laughing with blood popping out at the end.
The episode ends without any end credits or anything, but with all the Smiths in a Red-tint with no pupils, just black eyes on a black background with the text "They Were first, You're next Kenzie!" At that moment, I immediately took the DVD out of my DVD player and destroyed the DVD with a hammer, I couldn't believe what I saw, the Smiths connected to a time bomb, Jeff being stabbed, that was all messed up!
The next day, I tested my Two Futurama DVDs just to make sure that they were normal, turns out they were both fine. I then looked on IMDb to find any results of the lost episode, turns out there wasn't any. So I decided to Gmail 20th television animation and ask if they know anything about the episode. I played GTA V on my PS5 to pass the time and 2 hours later, they replied to me.
"What lost episode, please specify."
I explained the whole plot to them and they understood what I meant.
"Oh, you mean Goodbye to the USA? So, there was this random mysterious man who made fake episodes of the show, He started putting these mysterious AD! DVDS in stores when no one was around. Apparently, even the employees knew about these episodes, but for some reason, didn't recall them. Eventually in August 2021, these episodes were recalled and the man was identified to be a 49-year-old named "Jerry". We're so surprised that your store still had them, we're so sorry, we'll tell every single store to recall them if they haven't already."
Today I started to watch American Dad on Hulu, this episode didn't really make me have a phobia of the show, I just was scared of the episode that's all…
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