Batman.exe
Author's note: This is a parody of Sonic.exe, so this story is BOUND to be fake and just completely laughable, except for me liking The Lego Batman Movie and owning Lego Worlds and liking Batman, Legos, and movies in general.
If there are 3 things I like, it's Batman, movies, and Legos. So when I heard about The Lego Batman Movie, I was pumped. Apparently, people have been saying it's the Best Movie of 2017 (for now). I have seen the movie and it just matched everyone's opinion of the movie. Some time later, The Lego Batman Movie Videogame (not sure this exists yet, because this story is fake) came out, and I did not bother playing the game because I had other things I needed to do. Then, something happened...
It was a nice weekend. I was trying to recreate Mordor (from Lord of the Rings) and Sauron (also from Lord of the Rings) with Legos, which did not go so well. But I did not mind, as I thought, "Ehh, close enough." when I looked at my hilariously pathetic recreation of Sauron. Then, my mom came in. She had a note in her hand and Hotel Transylvania 2 in the other. I said hi to her. She said hi back. I asked her what she had in her hand. She said she got 3 things in the mail. She gave me that Lego City Airport set I have always wanted, Hotel Transylvania 2 (the only time I have seen this movie is when it was in theaters. At least, by the time this pasta was made), and a note from my best friend. I don't remember getting that note. I opened the envelope which had the note and read it.
"There's no time to explain. Destroy the disc I have sent you. He will stalk you once you have finished it. He will wait until you are in complete darkness and then he will..."
I just shrugged the note off. He was probably playing some stupid prank on me. I looked at the disc which came with the envelope. It was completely black except it had white words that said "Batman.exe." I then knew this was The Lego Batman Movie Videogame. I saw the normal disc when I was with another friend of mine at a middle school party. Having nothing else to do, I inserted the game into my computer. It showed The Lego Batman Movie Videogame's title screen and it just seemed normal. But when I started the game, I saw the title screen change to something I expected for a split second. Gotham City looked like an abandoned city, the citizens were lying on the floor dead (NOT BIG SURPRISE), and Batman looked more menacing. His mask's eyes were black with pupils that were crimson red and resembled the eyes of a snake. After 15 seconds, it took me to a character select screen. I noticed Batman was not there (what did you expect?). The only characters in the character select screen were Richard Grayson (A.K.A. Robin), Barbara Gordon, and Alfred. I noticed that Barbara and Alfred had lock signs over them, meaning I had to play as Robin for now. Once I selected him, I heard Batman laughing. It was the same laugh he made in the original movie when he watched that relationship comedy, but it was slowed down to the point where it sounded demonic. The screen went black.
After 10 seconds, the screen came back again to show Robin inside the Batcave. He was looking around nervously. There was nothing in there except for all the usual gadgets Batman keeps. The music consisted of constant piano bashing played in reverse (because music becomes a thousand times more chilling when it's played in reverse!). I guided Robin up the hall. So far, nothing TOO scary was happening, right? Then, as Robin kept walking, blood started dripping from the ceiling. It was not the kind of blood you would make out of dark red Lego bricks, either. It was REALISTIC blood. The reversed piano music slowed down a bunch. Then, I saw Batman standing, with his back facing Robin. Then, the music stopped. Robin stepped forward slowly to Batman as static started playing louder as Robin got closer (you can see where this is going, right?). When he touched Batman, he turned around and faced Robin. Batman looked like the one on the title screen. Then, the screen went black. I then heard Batman speak. "Let's do some father-and-son bonding time together, shall we?"
I was like, "What the?" Then, the screen showed Robin inside the entryway to Wayne Manor. Robin looked more terrified than ever. The entry was longer than it should be. I made Robin walk forwards. Then, after 30 seconds of walking, that EVIL Batman flashed onto the screen a bunch of times with that same laugh I heard in the character select screen. Then, Batman was right behind Robin, getting closer and closer as the pitch of the music rose. When Batman touched Robin, it became dead silent. Then, Batman appeared before Robin, looking as demonic as ever. Then, Batman lunged at Robin, who let out a bloodcurdling scream as the screen cut to black. "Man, this game really wants to go for the scare factor, huh?" I thought to myself as Batman said, "You have made a bad choice."
Then, it went back to the character select screen. When I looked at Robin, I was shocked. He looked absolutely terrible! His costume was shredded, his mask (or rather his glasses) was cracked, and Robin's eyes were nothing but giant black circles with blood coming out of them (Max and Ruby 0004, anyone?). I could not select Robin again, so I moved on to Barbara. Once I selected her, that gosh darn laugh played again as the screen cut to black. 10 seconds pass, and it shows Barbara inside Arkham Asylum. The music was just a heart beating mixed with spooky ambience. She looked rather creeped out. I moved Barbara forwards, not knowing what to expect. Once she made it to the x-ray chamber, Batman appeared in front of her. Then, static appeared. After 5 seconds, Batman spoke. He said, "HeLlO tHeRe, BaRbArA!" I was creeped out by this point. Then, the screen came back with Barbara inside The Joker's cell with that sick Batman freak approaching her. I was still able to control Barbara. When Batman touched her, nothing happened. So I made Barbara punch Batman, who teleported to another corner of the cell. After 10 punches, Barbara fell to the ground, weeping. After 8 seconds, Batman appeared in front of Barbara. He jumped at Barbara, who let out the same bloodcurdling scream Robin made as the screen cut to black.
Batman said, "Good job, player. You are almost finished." It went back to the character select screen. I was horrified to see Barbara. Her beautiful magenta hair was ragged, her clothes were mangled, and her eyes were sewn closed with 2 blood-stained Xs on the eyes (I swear, it's about time Sally.exe had some competition). I decided to stop playing the game and go to bed because I had church tomorrow.
That night, I had a very freaky dream about the game. I was in complete darkness. And every time I blinked, for a split second I would see the faces of the murdered Robin and Barbara. "It's about time you have shown up," Batman said in the darkness. I was scared out of my wits. "You're in my universe now," he said. Now, I was more freaked out than you think. "Robin, Barbara, and you are all just precious tools for me." Then, I realized that this was a dream and that I had the power to control my dreams. So I clapped my hands and the darkness disappeared, revealing the interior of the place. It was a cell in Arkham Asylum from the game I played earlier. I saw that demonic Batman in front of me. But what I did next would be pretty insane, to say the least.
I said, "SnooPING AS usual, I see!" Then, Batman turned into a fish. Seeing him become a fish filled me with joy. I leaped onto the bed in my cell and it blasted off into the sunset. I woke up, and found myself on my bed. And it was not that bed in my dream. It was my normal bunk bed. "Dang. Turning Batman into a fish and riding off to Equestria (I am a brony, so do not get mad) in my prison bed was all a dream?" I whispered to myself. I laid back down and faced the TV because I usually watch movies to fall asleep. To my surprise, I saw Lego Batman staring right at me, with those bloodshot snake eyes. "What's up?" he said to me. I woke up with a quiet yelp. "Did I just have a dream within a dream?" I asked myself. I looked at the time. It was 7:24, so I had plenty of time before church started. I opened my bedroom door and saw something crazy. It was not my usual house. I was in Wayne Manor! I saw Robin in front of me. He looked like the one in the character select screen, with the missing eyes and all. But what was really scary was that he was singing the Veggietales In The House (that TERRIBLE Veggietales reboot) theme song. I ran for my life and opened every single door I could find. Then, I stumbled across a room that looked JUST like my mom and dad's room at my house. The only person in there was Mom. She was facing the other way. "MOM! HELP ME! I'M HAVING CRAZY DREAMS ABOUT LEGO BATMAN AND I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS MY LEGO ADDICTION OR NOT!" I yelled in desperation. Then, she turned over and she had Barbara's head! She looked like the one on the character select screen, like Robin. "Good morning, my child! Wanna watch TV with me?" Barbara said. I woke up with a slightly louder yelp. "Am I STILL dreaming!?" I exclaimed. Suddenly, the ground started shaking really hard. A hole suddenly appeared below me, and I fell in. As I was falling, I passed Robin and Barbara. I looked down, and I saw Batman, except it was only his head. And, boy, was he HUGE! As I fell closer and closer, he opened his mouth to reveal nothing but blackness and extremely sharp fangs. The moment I fell into his mouth, he closed it. His fangs bit me.
I woke up screaming. I took a moment to calm down. I looked at the TV. No Lego Batman. I opened my bedroom door. No Wayne Manor. I stood still on the ground. No Batman sinkhole. Still thinking I was dreaming, I pinched myself. Nothing happened. I was truly awake! I looked at the time. It turned out church was 1 minute away from starting! I got on my church clothes and drove there with Mom. After a while, I went home. I looked at the Batman.exe disc and inserted it into the computer.
By now, Alfred was the only playable character. When I chose him, that evil laugh played again and the screen cut to black. After 10 seconds, it came back. Alfred was in an area that was not even a location in the game. It was not Gotham City, Wayne Manor, the Batcave, Arkham Asylum, or the Phantom Zone. It was just a purple hallway. "This must be some test room!" I said to myself. The only sound I heard in the hall was the piano bashing from before, only it was not in reverse. As I moved Alfred down the hall, the color got darker and the music got quieter. He also became more paranoid. When there was no music and the hall was just pitch black, Batman appeared before Alfred. Then, static came up again. I did not see Alfred getting killed off, so I just assumed he died because Robin and Barbara were both killed.
The static continued for 14.18268370 seconds, and then it showed me a most unpleasant image...
It was Batman. Except he looked very realistic. His eyes looked like realistic bloodshot snake eyes, and his mask looked less plastic-y as if it was real. But the worst part was the smile. The smile was just straight-up C-R-E-E-P-Y. It had a look of bloodlust to it. It only took about 3 seconds for that image to become a permanent resident of my mind.
Then, static came up 3 times, with the 3rd one having that mortifying laugh from before. There was now a message above Batman. And what it said would just give you a heart attack.
"I AM BATMAN."
When I saw the message, I thought, "Of course you are, Batman. You just don't need to point that out to everyone!" Then, for a split second, Batman lunged at the screen while showing the fangs and darkness of his mouth as static came up, louder than before. It also played that laugh from earlier 3 times, with the 3rd one being more scary. I mean, taking a demonic laugh and making it more demonic? Then, it went to black with Batman speaking.
"Good night, player. Good night..."
It went back to the character select screen. Alfred was completely mauled to death. His clothes were shredded, his eyes were missing, and his bald head was split apart, revealing his brain. "Well, I guess I completed the game!" I said to myself, forcefully taking the game out of the computer. I looked at the Batman.exe disc and smashed it and burnt it. It went off with 2 words. "I'm Batman." I was freaked out but sorta relieved. Then, I heard someone speak.
"I'm Batman..."
I looked behind me and gasped in horror when I saw it...
... Sitting on my desk, staring into my soul...
... It was a Lego Batman mini figure, with bloodshot snake eyes and a creepy grin.
And so I sold that evil Lego Batman on Ebay and became rich!
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