Beedle's "Satan Membership"
Warning: This pasta is based on Phantom Hourglass, NOT Wind Waker, dumbfuck.
Hi my name is Billy. One day I was rollin' (HATERS GUN HATE) along the Great Sea when all of a sudden my ship sank! What the fuck, Linebeck?! When I saved and came back I was inside Beedle's shop ship but something was really REALLY wrong. I couldn't get out the door and the only things for sale were 3 things that looked like disks called "Exe" for only 6 rupees each! I decided to see what these were, so I talked to Beedle, who looked pretty pissed by the way. Then, all of a sudden, my DS let out a REALLY loud "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" sound! I tossed it across the room out of shock and then checked to see if it was okay. It was closed, and when I opened it up Beedle's dialog box was open, but everything was dark and red tinted, and I had 666 Rupees! Beedle's text said "OOOOHHHH Buy something from me, Billy." Billy is my real name! I only entered a username, not my real name! I passed it all off as a glitch and proceeded to the purchase menu. When I tapped on one of the Exes, Beedle simply told me "OOOOHHHH Buy this now, Billy." Why do I need these? Anyway, I bought it for 6 Rupees. He said "OOOOHHHH That brings your points to 6. Buy more, Billy." I bought the other one. "OOOOHHHH That puts your points at 66. Buy more, Billy." Wow, 60 points for a 6 Rupee item! The last one got me 600 points! What a steal! After that, Beedle said "OOOOHHHH You got the Satan Membership. All items are 666 Rupees." What?! That's WAY too pricy! I exited out of the dialog box, and he said "OOOOHHHH Come back, Billy." You know what? Screw you Beedle, I'm going to the Molida Shop from now on! I left the ship and I was tossed in the fog at the Northwestern quadrant and my map was blank! And I was stuck in that retarded "Ghost Ship" mode with the gay steering wheel! Dammit Beedle! I decided to sail around since my spirits were blinking. I hit like 50 barrels, but my health wouldn't go down! Then, all of a sudden, my spirits were blinking like mad! Then, out of the blue, Beedle's ship appeared! He was heading straight for me, and he was going SUPER fast! I tried to steer away, but Beedle sped into me and the screen went blank! Then, all of a sudden, I heard Beedle scream "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" again (this time it was quieter) and he jumped out of the darkness! He jumped right out he the screens (he split into 2 pieces and each piece jumped out of each screen and then reconnected) and tried to strangle me! I tossed the DS and ran, but Beedle had a cannon and was firing it at me! I was so spooked! I ran out of the house and hopped on my boat, but Beedle was running across the water towards me like Jesus! I revved up the motor and sped away, but he was 2fast4me! Then, out of the blue, my engine stalled! I decided to cower in a crate like a pussy, but he can see through walls! Then he opened the top of the crate and tossed a bomb in and I died!
YOU are NEXT!
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