Bus Ride: Difference between revisions

From Trollpasta Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
Content added Content deleted
VisualWikitext
m (Text replacement - "”" to """)
m (Text replacement - "’" to "'")
Line 1: Line 1:
It was a bright and sunny day as I waited for the bus to arrive. I couldn’t drive due to laziness and poor scheduling so if I wanted to go anywhere I needed to use said bus.
It was a bright and sunny day as I waited for the bus to arrive. I couldn't drive due to laziness and poor scheduling so if I wanted to go anywhere I needed to use said bus.


Speaking of the bus, it was late. As usual. So in order to pass the time I fiddled with my phone, after an eternity the bus came. Stepping on I felt an odd feeling, like all the joy and color was drained from the world, but I brushed it off as the president’s fault and carried on.
Speaking of the bus, it was late. As usual. So in order to pass the time I fiddled with my phone, after an eternity the bus came. Stepping on I felt an odd feeling, like all the joy and color was drained from the world, but I brushed it off as the president's fault and carried on.


I sat down and casually looked at the other patrons of the bus, an old woman, a middle aged housewife with a shit kid, some scrawny white guy, and 2 black men. Nothing unusual so I reached into my bag as it vibrated into existence and retrieved my book.
I sat down and casually looked at the other patrons of the bus, an old woman, a middle aged housewife with a shit kid, some scrawny white guy, and 2 black men. Nothing unusual so I reached into my bag as it vibrated into existence and retrieved my book.
Line 11: Line 11:
The bus was nowhere I recognized.
The bus was nowhere I recognized.


I don’t think it was even earth.
I don't think it was even earth.


Leaping up I strutted to the front to ask about this turn of events.
Leaping up I strutted to the front to ask about this turn of events.
Line 27: Line 27:
Her reply was to start screaming something incoherent, all I got was that it was racially charged and about Mexicans. This created a domino effect where the shit kid began to unleash the most horrific squeals that no human person should even be able to produce, that got the attention of the white boy who began to white knight minorities and started yelling back at the old woman, while all this was happening the two black guys burst out laughing at the nonsense. This went on for about another 20 minutes before the bus jerked to a stop and the driver angrily grabbed the college student, old woman and shit kid and hurled them out of the bus. All three promptly exploded into orange goo.
Her reply was to start screaming something incoherent, all I got was that it was racially charged and about Mexicans. This created a domino effect where the shit kid began to unleash the most horrific squeals that no human person should even be able to produce, that got the attention of the white boy who began to white knight minorities and started yelling back at the old woman, while all this was happening the two black guys burst out laughing at the nonsense. This went on for about another 20 minutes before the bus jerked to a stop and the driver angrily grabbed the college student, old woman and shit kid and hurled them out of the bus. All three promptly exploded into orange goo.


I don’t think I ever saw the housewife look up from her phone during the entire incident.
I don't think I ever saw the housewife look up from her phone during the entire incident.


Not wanting to cause any more commotion I shut up and buried my face in my book as the bus kept hurtling forwards towards locations unknown. After an unknown amount of time I got extremely bored and decided to confront the bus driver again.
Not wanting to cause any more commotion I shut up and buried my face in my book as the bus kept hurtling forwards towards locations unknown. After an unknown amount of time I got extremely bored and decided to confront the bus driver again.


"Would you mind telling me where we’re heading?"
"Would you mind telling me where we're heading?"


"No."
"No."
Line 43: Line 43:
At that the driver pulled a leaver and the bus screeched to a halt as we both stood facing each other in the middle of the bus.
At that the driver pulled a leaver and the bus screeched to a halt as we both stood facing each other in the middle of the bus.


"Soooo, how’s this gonna go down?" I asked the driver
"Soooo, how's this gonna go down?" I asked the driver


His response was to cackle and strike a pose that looked exceptionally painful "The past is a lie and the future is an illusion, hence we must strive to destroy the present to ensure a good timeline!"
His response was to cackle and strike a pose that looked exceptionally painful "The past is a lie and the future is an illusion, hence we must strive to destroy the present to ensure a good timeline!"
Line 87: Line 87:
"To deliver an offering of blood to the spooky spaghetti dimension. The local fauna desire death and carnage and contract us lesser demons to deliver fresh meat."
"To deliver an offering of blood to the spooky spaghetti dimension. The local fauna desire death and carnage and contract us lesser demons to deliver fresh meat."


"Is that why you had no qualms hurling half of your delivery into the street. I don’t know how things work in hell but on earth that’s called bad service."
"Is that why you had no qualms hurling half of your delivery into the street. I don't know how things work in hell but on earth that's called bad service."


"Even we demons have limits."
"Even we demons have limits."


"Noted, however I’m afraid I cannot allow this crimson banquet to be delivered, so I must beat the fuck out of you."
"Noted, however I'm afraid I cannot allow this crimson banquet to be delivered, so I must beat the fuck out of you."


"It would be unfortunate if that were to happen, so it shall be you who does the dying. Nothing personal, kid." At this the demon materialized seven versions of the word "knife" and flung them at me. I dodged yet as the words flew past me I heard them pierce the bus.
"It would be unfortunate if that were to happen, so it shall be you who does the dying. Nothing personal, kid." At this the demon materialized seven versions of the word "knife" and flung them at me. I dodged yet as the words flew past me I heard them pierce the bus.
Line 111: Line 111:
The demon looked perplexed and cocked his head to one side "What do you mean mortal?"
The demon looked perplexed and cocked his head to one side "What do you mean mortal?"


"This is not a nightmare…It’s a nightmatrix!"
"This is not a nightmare…It's a nightmatrix!"


"N-No! That’s not possible!"
"N-No! That's not possible!"


"Oh it is, and you know what that means right?"
"Oh it is, and you know what that means right?"


The demon began the shudder in rage "Once you realize you’re in a nightmatrix reality will begin to break down."
The demon began the shudder in rage "Once you realize you're in a nightmatrix reality will begin to break down."


The bus jerked and a massive oni vibrated into existence, once this happened the walls and ceiling of the bus broke off and crumpled into cooked trout that swam away. The oni bellowed, grabbed the demon and jumped into the swirling vortex of chaos. Said chaos had transformed into meatloaf and was spitting out muscular men with lizards for faces.
The bus jerked and a massive oni vibrated into existence, once this happened the walls and ceiling of the bus broke off and crumpled into cooked trout that swam away. The oni bellowed, grabbed the demon and jumped into the swirling vortex of chaos. Said chaos had transformed into meatloaf and was spitting out muscular men with lizards for faces.


A massive gust of wind slammed into the bus and out of the meatloaf emerged the elder god Elskandolu, he had a human torso with crab claws for hands and a rotating chicken nugget for a head. Elskandolu’s lower torso was encased in the meatloaf.
A massive gust of wind slammed into the bus and out of the meatloaf emerged the elder god Elskandolu, he had a human torso with crab claws for hands and a rotating chicken nugget for a head. Elskandolu's lower torso was encased in the meatloaf.


"WHO DARES BREAK REALITY WHEN I SLEEP!" he cried
"WHO DARES BREAK REALITY WHEN I SLEEP!" he cried
Line 139: Line 139:
Since I challenged him I got to make the first move "If you know everything in the universe then why does the nebulous tide only flow forwards?"
Since I challenged him I got to make the first move "If you know everything in the universe then why does the nebulous tide only flow forwards?"


"THE DL’ACK HAS NO TIME FOR THE PAST, AS IT IS FAR BEHIND US, IT MAY ONLY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE."
"THE DL'ACK HAS NO TIME FOR THE PAST, AS IT IS FAR BEHIND US, IT MAY ONLY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE."


"But the future does not exist therefore how can the nebulous tide head in its direction?"
"But the future does not exist therefore how can the nebulous tide head in its direction?"
Line 155: Line 155:
At that Elskandolu spread his arms and boiling oil and French fries began to rain from the skies, the oil burned my skin and the fries felt like hail but I stood strong, crossed my arms and leaned back while cackling.
At that Elskandolu spread his arms and boiling oil and French fries began to rain from the skies, the oil burned my skin and the fries felt like hail but I stood strong, crossed my arms and leaned back while cackling.


"You call this an attack? I’ve endured more grievous wounds from guanine pigs!"
"You call this an attack? I've endured more grievous wounds from guanine pigs!"


"SMALL MAN YOU ARE BEGINNING TO ANGRY ME!"
"SMALL MAN YOU ARE BEGINNING TO ANGRY ME!"
Line 167: Line 167:
I destroyed the blender and used the 18 quadrillion blades to surround the bus in an impenetrable wall of whirling swords. When the fists stopped I flung all of the blades at Elskandolu, he blocked all of them with walls of flesh but by then his true colors had been revealed.
I destroyed the blender and used the 18 quadrillion blades to surround the bus in an impenetrable wall of whirling swords. When the fists stopped I flung all of the blades at Elskandolu, he blocked all of them with walls of flesh but by then his true colors had been revealed.


"By launching a physical attack in the middle of a verbal battle you have broken the first oath of intergalactic 1v1!" I felt power coursing through my veins, but not just any power. No it was the innate power that was housed in DNA itself, I began to emanate a bright green aura as my hair became a majestic mane of fire. I dramatically pointed at the elder god and said "Your next words are gunna be ‘I’m the fabric of creation the laws of creation don’t apply to me!’"
"By launching a physical attack in the middle of a verbal battle you have broken the first oath of intergalactic 1v1!" I felt power coursing through my veins, but not just any power. No it was the innate power that was housed in DNA itself, I began to emanate a bright green aura as my hair became a majestic mane of fire. I dramatically pointed at the elder god and said "Your next words are gunna be ‘I'm the fabric of creation the laws of creation don't apply to me!'"


"I’M THE FABRIC OF CREATION TH-NANI!!!!!!!!!!" Elskandolu reeled back in pure horror as he realized what had just happened. "NO, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!"
"I'M THE FABRIC OF CREATION TH-NANI!!!!!!!!!!" Elskandolu reeled back in pure horror as he realized what had just happened. "NO, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!"


Cried the elder god as he began to collapse in on himself like a star before transforming into a pulsating ball of energy. I channeled all of my newfound power into my left hand before heroically throwing off my cloak and pointing to heavens and crying out "Finishing move, SUPA HYPANOVA GIGATON BLAST MAXIMUM IMPACTU!" Before launching a massive fist of unadulterated DNA energy at what remained of the elder god causing it to explode with the fury of 18 trillion stars leaving nothing but a massive nebula.
Cried the elder god as he began to collapse in on himself like a star before transforming into a pulsating ball of energy. I channeled all of my newfound power into my left hand before heroically throwing off my cloak and pointing to heavens and crying out "Finishing move, SUPA HYPANOVA GIGATON BLAST MAXIMUM IMPACTU!" Before launching a massive fist of unadulterated DNA energy at what remained of the elder god causing it to explode with the fury of 18 trillion stars leaving nothing but a massive nebula.
Retrieved from "https://trollpasta.com/wiki/Bus_Ride"