Crundlequest And The Suplex God: Difference between revisions
From Trollpasta Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
Content added Content deleted
MrAnonymous (talk | contribs) (Created page with "I am Crundlequest, a peasant living in the kingdom of Larion. I have a pitchfork and nothing else. I woke up and began working in the fields. I saw a woman named Eliza who loo...") |
MrAnonymous (talk | contribs) (#VinnyIsInnocent) |
||
Line 7: | Line 7: | ||
I then decided to take a break from kicking people in the face. Instead, I went back to my farm where I lived with my family. They weren't very happy about all this. My mother was angry at me. My father was angry at me. My sister was angry at me. |
I then decided to take a break from kicking people in the face. Instead, I went back to my farm where I lived with my family. They weren't very happy about all this. My mother was angry at me. My father was angry at me. My sister was angry at me. |
||
One night while I was sleeping, I dreamed about being kicked by a man who had a big nose. |
One night while I was sleeping, I dreamed about being kicked by a man who had a big nose. He told me he wanted to teach me something. He said I could do anything if I wanted to be him. I woke up and realized I’ve done nothing wrong. I was just having a nightmare. |
||
A few days later, I was riding my horse when a bandit attacked. I managed to kill him easily, but then, another one came out of nowhere. It was bigger than the last one. It grabbed me and threw me into a tree. I died instantly. |
|||
TO BE CONTINUED... |
|||
Two months passed and I still haven’t been found. I thought about going back home, but I figured I’ll wait around there until I saw someone come looking for me. |
|||
Two years passed… |
|||
Three years since I left my hometown… |
|||
Three years since I left my family behind… |
|||
Five years have passed and I finally returned home. I was surprised to see my parents and sister waiting for me. I told them what happened. They said they didn’t really expect me back so soon. They asked why I came back. I explained that I had to save my life. |
|||
I explained that I never wanted to leave. I explained that I had to leave because I couldn’t survive alone. I said I wanted to make sure my family was taken care of. I told them that I would always remember their kindness. They thanked me and hugged me. |
|||
They asked me if I ever wondered what would happen if I hadn’t returned? What would have become of me? Would I still be alive? Would I even be able to stand up? I could have died! |
|||
I then pulled out my sword and stabbed them both through the heart. I laughed as I watched them bleed out before my eyes. I looked down at my own blood-stained blade and smiled. I was free now. |
|||
I grabbed my sword and ran over to my parents’ bodies. I kneeled down and put my sword against them. I swung the sword and cut open their stomachs. I ripped out their intestines and threw them into the fire. |
|||
I walked over to the fireplace and began stabbing it with my sword. I jumped onto the flames and burned alive. |
|||
I climbed down the ladder. I was safe. I was not dead though. I was alive. I was free. |
|||
I then entered Hell and entered the throne room. There was a huge demon standing there. He looked at me and smiled. “Welcome Crundlequest, to Hell!” |
|||
I then charged forward and punched him in the face. He flew backwards and landed hard on his ass. He screamed and yelled in pain. I then turned around and kicked him in the nuts. He let out a horrible shriek and collapsed to the ground. |
|||
I then sat down and started eating the demon’s nuts. I ate his nuts until he started screaming in agony. I then proceeded to eat his nuts until he died. |
|||
I then absorbed the demon’s powers and grew larger and stronger. I started punching everything in sight. I also gained super speed and strength. I punched a hole in the sky and flew away. |
|||
I punched a hole in the heavens and flew away. I was flying fast enough that I didn’t even notice when I landed. I was flying so fast that I didn’t even feel the impact. |
|||
I crashed into the heavens and smashed through them. I continued smashing through the heavens until I hit the Earth. I smashed through the earth and landed on the moon. I looked up and saw that I was surrounded by stars. I laughed and laughed. |
|||
I continued smashing through the heavens and hitting the earth. I continued smashing through the earth and hitting the sun. I continued smashing through the sun and hitting the blackness beyond the void. I continued smashing through the blackness and reached the center of the universe. |
|||
I then started hitting the center of the universe and smashed through it, where I found myself in front of a giant circle of light. |
|||
I then collapsed onto the floor and fell asleep. The next day, I awakened to find myself in a strange new world. I was no longer human… I was no longer a peasant… I was no longer a farmer… I was no longer a fisherman or a hunter or a warrior or a soldier… |
|||
I stood up and screamed as loud as I could. I called upon all my strength to push my way through the darkness. I tore through the darkness and found myself in a vast plain. I saw an endless expanse of grass stretching endlessly ahead of me. |
|||
I was standing in the middle of it. |
|||
I then started walking towards the horizon and suddenly realized that I was moving at incredible speeds. I realized that I’ve gone from being a peasant to being a god… |
|||
I then stopped and stared at the horizon. |
|||
THE END |