Dooom 666 curse of BLOOD
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NSFW WARNING
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Now before the story starts, I just wanted to say that what you're about to read is something that really, definitely, 100% truthfully happened to me. I used to be a mod on a Doom Modding forum. One day I was browsing through the forum, when I found someone had posted an odd file called "cbt.WAD". There were no screenshots for it, but the name seemed very weird. I googled CBT and found videos of people crushing their balls! Now I had to see what was in this game to make sure it was safe to keep on the website. I downloaded the wad and loaded it up in GZDoom. The title screen said "Dooom 666 curse of BLOOD". I was confused, as Doom was such a happy go lucky series, and would never contain any blood, nor numbers of the beast, let alone anything satanic. Also, how do you misspell a word as simple as Doom? I started up the game and I was put into E1M1. However, something was off. There was an enemy right in front of me. I looked at it and quickly realized that it was singer/songwriter DaBaby. I quickly got scared, but then DaBaby pulled out the pistol from his hip like a cop. He said "less goooooo" before starting to shoot at me. I started to shoot back. After one shot, he was dead. I proceeded to the next door, and I saw something truly horrifying.
Doomguy was standing in the middle of the room, and an Imp was sucking on his penis. I screamed at the top of my lungs and my neighbor told me to "Shut the fuck up" because it was 3 AM. I couldn't believe what I saw with my two eyes. I grabbed my monitor and slammed it into the ground, causing glass to shatter everywhere. I rang a bell by my door and waited for my butler to arrive. When he did I asked him to get me another monitor. "Why of course, sir.", my butler replied. After he had brought in my new $1,000 computer monitor, I reclined back in my $400 PewDiePie gaming chair and said to myself "What kind of person would make a mod like that?". I signed back into my computer and was greeted with the title screen once again. The typo was still there. I started a new game, as my last one hadn't been saved. However, when I got loaded into the game, it crashed unexpectedly, sending me back to my desktop. I was confused at first, but then relieved that I didn't have to play that nightmare of a game anymore. I went to bed that night, but while I was asleep I had a horrible nightmare.
I was in the E1M1 map from the hit video game Doom. I thought this was cool at first, but then I looked down. I saw an Imp sucking on my ding dong! I screamed and pushed the Imp away, running down the hallway and through different high tech doors. I was about to open the exit doors, when all of a sudden, I felt a hand on the back of my shoulder. I turned around and saw John Carmack. He said "This game old. Buy Oculus Rift now." "But didn't you make this game?," I asked him. He pulled out a BFG. "Did I stutter?," He asked me. I then woke up in a cold sweat. Realizing what I had to do, I got my 300 pound body out of my bed and went back onto my computer, logging into Amazon and buying an Oculus Rift. After waiting for a dreadful 2 days, I finally received the package in the mail. Ripping open the box, I took out the headset, then plugged it into my computer and turned it on. When the headset came on it was like I was really there. However, I realized in true shock there was only one game I could play, and it was "Dooom 666 curse of BLOOD"!
I tried to take off my headset but it wouldn't budge. I had to beat this game to get out. I started a new game, yet I was somewhere completely different. It looked like I was in Hell, but not normal Hell. It was...pixelated Hell! I walked through the entrance gate and entered a dark room. Suddenly, lights turned on, and I saw John Romero. John Romero looked at me and said "Are you here to defeat me, challenger? I am the immortal John-" I cut him off by shooting him in the face with my Super Shotgun. I heard a victory fanfare play and I said "wait a minute, that's it?". A letter fell down from a hole in the ceiling. I took the letter and it read as follows. "Dear challenger, Thank you for defeating John Romero, the Icon of Sin himself. I've been trying for years to destroy him, but he's too powerful. I am extremely amazed by your nobility to this challenge, as well as your perseverance. As a reward for your bravery, I'm giving you the Steam Key for the hit video game Quake 3, which I bought off of a shady website for $5, and yet now my bank account has been overdrafted. Sincerely, John Carmack." I sighed in relief as I reached to pull off the VR headset, and it slid right off. Flopping back onto my bed, I took a moment to relax and think about what I had been through. I smelled my shirt and realized that I needed to change, so I went to open my closet door, and then A SKELETON POPPED OUT.
Written by Jotaromilk
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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