Ebowler Hat chronikles.

Hi there, my name is John. I've always liked hats, even more than humans. Hats are greater in so many ways. They are always there for you, don't mind being on your head and they never hurt you. [this is not foreshadowing I swears.] Today I found a... special kind of hat. I found it at Old Man's house when he was selling his stuff. It was a bowler hat but it was marked "Ebowler hat" so I asked Old Man why. "Sonny it isn't incorrectly marked." Old Man said to me. I thought it was weird because Ebowler hats are not a real thing. [I'm a hat expert.] "Can I have it?" I said to Old Man, grinning a big grin. "3.50" Old Man said to me. I was gutted because I only had 3.49 in my pockets.

I went to get one cent from my house. As I approached him I said "Hey Old Man, why did you name it Ebowler hats." I said to Old Man. Old Man said "Demons and Spooks! I am not telling you. Leave my sight!" Old Man said to me. "Wow Old man" I said to Old Man, taking the bowler hat. "That's fucking rude!"

So I ran, I ran so far away across the street back to my house. But I could get away.

My dad Will Smith was in the kitchen "Hey kid. You buy a new hat?" He said to me. "Fucking yes dad!" Why was everybody on my case all of a sudden? I stopped in my tracks. I felt dripping on my hands. Blood was seeping out of the hat in a realistic fashion. "Eww, you on your period?" Dad said to me. "I'm a boy dad." I said to him back. "It still applies." He said. My dad is a dick. Anyway I went up to my room and to stop the bleeding I put it on my head. I instantly got a cold. I went to bed.

In the morning I awoke to the words "feed me john smith, feed me." I thought this was weird because when Dad sneaks into my bed it's not like that. I then realized hat is talking to Me? So I go on the bus to school. "Hey haggot." Richard said to me making a portmanteau of hat and moron.

"Gimme dat hat." All the kids laugh at this hilarious joke and I thought. "Hey he is pretty funny I'll give him my ebowler hat." I oblige and he puts the hat on. "Hey look I'm haggot and am such a fucking nerd oh no what's that." And he starts bleeding from the eyes and uncontrollably shitting everywhere. "Hey!" I say to him like a boss. "I thought you were Dick! Not asshole." All the bus is laughing because he is shitting everywhere. I leave the bus and go to music class. Teacher wants to make me sing Skrillex and she knows I like hats and not Skrillex! "Kid if you don't sing Skrillex I'm gonna fucking shit all over you." She jokes at the class, all singing Skrillex. "Hey teach, put on my hat and I'll sing." She has felled for my little trap.

"Ok now sing biiiii..." She falls over losing all mental thought and starts shitting everywhere and all the classes touch the fecal matter and they all do the same and everybody is shitting everywhere and dying and then I jump out the window and get on my motorbike with my hat on because I have taken the hat from the teacher.

I look down at my hand. I come to realization.

Ebowler.

Ebola?

Ebola is spread through body liquids.

I'm infected. I shit on my bike fall off and die.

Tried so hard.

Fell so far

in

end

didn't even matter

The end.

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