Evangelion Obsession Copypasta

Copypasta mocking people obsessed with Evangelion

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Neon Genesis Evangelion nearly drove me to suicide.

Seeing Shinji suffering is like seeing myself suffer, because at one point in time I was almost exactly like him, especially back in 10th grade when I was bullied to the brink of suicide. I simply cannot tolerate watching Eva. I felt forced to relive my trauma upon viewing it. I'm deathly afraid of it. Twice I had a nightmare where I saw myself as Shinji choking Asuka and starting the Third Impact. I've been struggling with this newfound depression ever since.

Evangelion is nothing but a bright shining lie. There is no instant cure for depression as so many on YouTube and Reddit claimed and praised this series to be. I was obsessed with the series for over a year to try and outwit the Coronavirus pandemic. It only increased the burden, and kept the memory of my friend's recent suicide alive. Sometimes I hate myself because I fail to appreciate this series which people treat larger than life, because of how much pain it resurfaces.

Watching the End of Evangelion was like peering into a broken mirror, and I was viewing the hell I would've put myself through had things turned out differently, had I decided to give up living. It still haunts me to this day.

Sometimes I hate myself because I fail to appreciate what so many have claimed to idolize, and I beat myself further for failing to worship what they call praiseworthy, I forced myself to watch a show that reminded me of nothing but pain just so I wouldn't be alone anymore, I was willing to sacrifice my individuality for some company amidst the isolation of the pandemic.

But it only spiraled me deeper into depression, which I've been struggling with for over a year now.

I just want Shinji to be happy, so this past self of mine can be laid to rest once more. I'm afraid to decouple myself from him after losing my friend to suicide, which Eva made me feel responsible for, especially when I saw Shinji kill Kaworu, of which I fail to understand how anyone can call it praiseworthy. Until then, I feel nothing else matters.

There's a reason why I keep coming back to Evangelion; something that reminds me of nothing but pain.

I want to prove to myself I'm not crazy for feeling this way, that Evangelion really did force me to relive my trauma, that my depression is not just a figment of my imagination or another anime plot point

But the fact I'm the only one I know in existence who's been traumatized by an anime makes me feel like I really am crazy.

Whenever I feel this way, there's something I remind myself with.

"There are no answers in Evangelion, only illusions.

There is no truth in Evangelion, only falsehoods.

There is nothing to be gained from Evangelion, only pain."

But finally, with 3.0+1.0 released, I can rest easy knowing that Shinji has finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel. Evangelion is finished, and I want it to remain that way.

But if things hadn't turned out that way, I wouldn't be here today.

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