Family Guy: The Big Goal
Author's note: This is a Family Guy creepypasta. It is not meant to be taken seriously, just for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy the pasta!
I'm sure most of you heard about this show called Family Guy. For those who don't know, it's about the Griffin family, consisting of Peter, Lois, Stewie, Chris, Meg, and their pet dog, Brain, going on wacky hijinks. As an adult, i loved this show. However, there's one episode i would like to mention. An episode i haven't actually seen, or heck, even other people had seen, and you might be asking to yourself, how do you know about this episode? Well...
How I Found Out About This Episode.
I was just strolling through the park, when i saw a neatly placed table in the middle of the park. It turned out that someone was having a DVD sale there. Curious, i decided to walk up to the table, and the owner happily greeted me. He told me i could have any movie or TV show DVD at a very reasonable price, but what caught my eye is a Family Guy DVD. It was written in black sharpie that only had the words:
"The Big Goal"
I asked the man in charge about this DVD, and he stated that it had contained a Family Guy episode so demented, that it wasn't aired on live TV. I decided to give the man my money, and went home, curious about this episode. Before i put the DVD in my TV, i looked at it once again. I decided it was just a sports themed episode, but little did i know, it was MORE than just a sports themed episode.
The Episode.
I popped the disc into my TV, and it started off with an FBI warning screen at the beginning. It then started with the intro, but something was a little bit odd with the opening theme. The camera just focused on the piano, the same kind that Lois played at the beginning to jumpstart the theme song. Then i noticed that the living room of the house was dark, and no music played. The audio only consisted of owl hoots and cricket chirps, and when i looked at the window of the house, it turned out it was only illuminated by the moon, and it was night time outside. It didn't start with Lois swooping in to play the piano, it was just a still frame of this.
I decided to shrug it off, thinking that the reason why Lois didn't immediately swoop in was that she was still asleep, given that the outside showed the night sky. Then the screen cut to black and the episode immediately started with a shot of the Griffin house during the day, as the normal background music played. The camera cut to the interior of the house, where we see Lois, sitting on her bed. She was oddly mute for some reason, as her back turned against the camera. It turned out she was staring at a wedding picture of her and Peter, as she says her first lines of the episode.
"Today's the day!" in an oddly sinister voice.
She proceeded to throw the picture onto the ground, causing the glass to break, as she got up and went downstairs, with a menacing and sinister look on her face. I was pretty suspicious over what she meant by that, but my thoughts were suddenly interrupted when a burst of static came out of nowhere, as it showed the Griffin house at night. It cut to show Lois and Peter in bed, sleeping. Lois had set up an alarm for herself on the clock, as the clock began ringing, as her face went from sleeping to an burst of happiness. She stretched her arms and went to stop the alarm. She proceeded to go downstairs, and get herself a baseball bat. I didn't know why she had such equipment with her, but when i looked on the TV, it showed her standing next to Peter's side of the bed.
Peter woke up and saw Lois standing on his side of the bed, as he screamed, shocked to see her. "Lois! You scared the living daylights out of me. What are you doing on my side of the bed?" Peter asked, but before Lois said anything, she swung the bat across Peter, knocking him unconscious. Lois then chuckled to herself, before dragging Peter's unconscious body, though she had some difficulty bringing the body, which included her falling down the stairs with the body in a comical fashion. She proceeded to bring the unconscious body of Peter into the garage, as the screen cut to black.
The camera cut to show Peter's point of view, as he wakes up. "W-what? Where am I?" Peter asked in a frantic manner. The camera cut to show a wide shot of the garage, illuminated by candles all around. Soon, a robed figure opens the door of the garage, as Peter looked on in horror. "W-wh-who are you?" Peter frantically asked the figure, before the figure revealed its face to Peter, revealing Lois. "Lois?" Peter said, but before anything else could be said, Lois shushed her husband, as she had a sadistic look on her face. She then started answering Peter's previous question about what he was doing in the garage, strapped into a table. She stated that with all the crazy things Peter had been dragging Lois into, she finally wanted to get vengeance. She soon proceeded to enter into a musical number, explaining the various reasons for her plan and the various bad things Peter did that caused her to either be humiliated or harmed in some way, back in the previous episodes.
The musical number was kinda catchy, but on screen, Lois was actually doing some graphic things to Peter, like banging his toes with sledgehammers as if they were xylophone keys, and banging his fingers. Peter was screaming in excruciating pain as Lois did that, but as the song came to a close, things started to take a turn for the worst. Another robed figure soon entered the scene, handing Lois what appeared to be a power saw. She placed the power saw, deep into the table, near where Peter's neck would be. "Lois...What are you gonna do to me?!" Peter frantically asked, fearing for his life. "Something i should've done a long TIME AGO!" Lois said whilst smiling like a sadistic psycho. Turning the tool on, she firmly put her fingers over her ears to drown out the sounds of the power saw, as it ripped through the table.
Peter looked in abject horror as the power saw started nearing his neck. He tried to free himself from his confines, but they were too tight. There was nothing Peter could do about it, as he closes his eyes, and started to quietly uttered his final words, as the power saw ripped through his neck. Peter's head fell onto the garage floor. Lois then removed her fingers off her ears and when she looked back at the table, she was ecstatic to see the final result. The camera cut back to show the now decapitated body of Peter, blood splattered on the table. "Oh my god. I killed my husband..." Lois said as she said in a stunned voice. "I KILLED MY HUSBAND!" Lois began rejoicing in a happy voice. The robed figure who handed Lois the power saw revealed its face, showing that it was Bonnie, who helped Lois kill Peter.
"You could go home, Bonnie. Thanks for helping me with my revenge." Lois said to Bonnie, as the latter left the house. The screen went black and it just cut back to show Lois standing next to the table, her eyes focused on Peter's decapitated body in frame. Lois was just chuckling happily to herself, but I myself, was genuinely shocked at what Lois had done. Soon, I realised that it wasn't a sports themed episode. That was Lois accomplishing her biggest life goal:
To kill her husband after all the painful and embarrassing things he had done to her. When I looked up at the TV, Lois' soft chuckle slowly de-evolved into that of a hysterical laughter and was jumping with joy over this accomplishment. Soon, a voice from upstairs yelled out. "Hey! People are trying to sleep here! Do your evil laughs outside!" the voice said. The voice sounded rather like Chris, or Stewie. "Ooh, sorry." Lois whispered, as she got out the remote that controlled the garage door. She tried opening it, before she strangely began to charge at the now opening door. She slammed smack into the door in a comical fashion, and waited impatiently for the door to open.
When the garage door was completely open, a thunderclap was heard, and the wind was blowing, as if a hurricane was in the midst of beginning. The wind immediately blew out all the candles in the garage. The camera cut to the outside, as Lois ran into the open, and heavy rainfall descended from the grey clouds. Lois started laughing evilly as sinister music began to play, as the heavy rain can be heard. The sounds of water dropping, and the sheer loud intensity of the rain was almost at the point of drowning out the sounds of Lois' cackling. Another thunderclap was heard, and the screen flashed with a white light, as the last few beats of the sinister music can be heard, and Lois' cackles began to fade. The credits began rolling, with the normal cheery instrumental of the theme song played. That was where the DVD ended.
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