Fast Food Fun
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NSFW WARNING
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WARNING: DO NOT READ OR ELSE YOU WILL HAVE DREAMS, AND YOU WILL BE FORCED TO MAKE THOSE DREAMS NOT BE DREAMS
So, my name is Jack. I'm the mascot from Jack in the Box. You may have seen me before. To the right is me. I'm going to tell you a little story about something I'd like to call "Fast Food Fun." This is a very misleading title, may I inform you, but it was a recommended title of my peers.
Let's get started.
It was 1995.
I was in my prime, a famous mascot.
I walked down the street as usual. I walked to McDonald's and decided to order, as it had been a while since I had eaten at a restaurant other than my own. I heard of this secret item that wasn't on the menu called the McGangbang, and it looked like it was delicious from the internet pictures. I waited in line for 5 minutes. I got up and I ordered a large Coke and a McGangbang. My coke was being filled and I saw what I believed to be Bill Cosby in a McDonald's uniform. He had something that looked like a tablet of medicine in his hand. I didn't think anything of it. They sat my Coke on my tray as I was waiting for a McGangbang. I picked up the coke..
And I drank it.
I sat waiting for about 30 second and then more and more my vision began to blur. I stumbled outside of the restaurant and into an alleyway by accident. Before I was completely asleep, I saw Ronald McDonald's face, and he whispered into my ear, "McGangbang, coming right up." I woke to a screech, and then Ronald was yelling, "HERE COMES THE QUARTER POUNDER!" before he sticks a glossy, spit covered schlong, directly into my glory hole. His whole 6 and a half inches of meat painfully penetrated my behind. I then see The Burger King... My worst nightmare. He comes over to us, and takes out his "Whopper" as he likes to call it, and uses a knife to cut a hole 1 and a half inches in diameter into my mouth. He takes his "Whopper" and just barely fits it into the hole. He may only have 3 inches, but oh my god it is so wide. I am now being penetrated from behind and have a mouthful of his "Angry Whopper". I look over and I see the band KISS walking by. Gene Simmons looks over and wags his tongue at me and then walks away. I keep looking to the streets, as if to find a helper. There is this one kid who walks by who is about 6 foot 2 and has freshly buzzed hair. He looks to me with a despicable face, full of grimace. He waves, yells "HI!" and runs away. That was awkward, I thought to myself. I couldn't speak, with a face full of The King's mad meat. Sweat runs down my back and reaches my crack, as I reach the point of orgasm, but this wasn't an enjoyable orgasm.
It was an orgasm of disgust.
Ronald had a sense of pleasure as he spewed all over my back, unleashing at least a gallon of fresh semen to cover my recent sunburn, which I had gotten over the weekend at the beach. At this point Ronald has stopped anally shoving his Big Mac into me, and he has began moving his hand furiously up and down over his big, juicy Quarter Pounder Deluxe, watching as The King shoves his BK Triple Stacker into my mouth over and over. It doesn't taste as good as Burger King usually does. He finally ends, spunking all over my face. I try running away, as no one has their hands on me anymore, but I realize I am tied down. I black out at this point.
A while later, I wake up tied to a chair, which is nailed to the ground. I look around and I'm not the only one. I see a couple of other fellow mascots. I see Colonel Sanders also tied up, and....
IS THAT WENDY?
Wendy is tied up as well. Apparently they both enjoyed giving her the meat of her lifetime. Why they kept me here made me wonder. They both walk into the room, which is lit by one torch in the center. Ronald has a whip, and The King has a 3-foot long dildo of the purple variety. Ronald begins to whip Wendy and pleasure himself at the same time. Colonel Sanders watches, but not with disgust. I think that sick old man was enjoying it.
The King walks over to me
Oh god
He undresses me and ties my arms and legs to the hooks on the floor, in a doggy style position. He takes the dildo, and inch by inch starts inserting it into my bum until he is halfway in. 1 and a half feet, may I remind you, is half. He ruptures my prostate and I begin to bleed so much it looks like Satan's bathtub. It was cray-cray. His dildo was not purple anymore, it was dark red. Wendy watches with a twisted face, as I am slowly dying to a dildo. A DILDO IS KILLING ME. Just think about that. I eventually bleed out, and something happened.
I died.
That was the end of this old mascot, all because I wanted a secret menu item from McDonald's.
I could've eaten a salad at Wendy's. Or god forbid something at my own restaurant.
Oh well, what happened definitely happened.
You may wonder how I am writing this.
I am in heaven. Also, my bum is in perfectly working order.
Goodbye my sweets, and remember
Jack in the Box, or you will get raped by fast food icons.
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