Firebrando Takes Over the World and Kills Everyone (BurningTorrent's 1 Year Anniversary on TPW Special): Difference between revisions
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minutes later by copious amounts of noise coming from upstairs. |
minutes later by copious amounts of noise coming from upstairs. |
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"Oh for fuck’s sake! |
"Oh for fuck’s sake!" I angrily mumble to myself, getting |
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out of bed to check what the source of the noise was. |
out of bed to check what the source of the noise was. |
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Line 36: | Line 36: | ||
"Look, I know I have an affinity for opening up time-space |
"Look, I know I have an affinity for opening up time-space |
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rips to this world, but this is ridiculous. |
rips to this world, but this is ridiculous." I say to everyone standing in the |
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middle of the room. |
middle of the room. |
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"We don’t wanna cause any shit. We’re here mainly for fan |
"We don’t wanna cause any shit. We’re here mainly for fan |
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service, but there’s another reason we’re here as well. |
service, but there’s another reason we’re here as well." HABIT paused. |
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"Firebrand has gone missing. And you’re the only one who can help us. |
"Firebrand has gone missing. And you’re the only one who can help us." |
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"Nope, not doing it. |
"Nope, not doing it." I walk back down the stairs and the |
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story ends. (Lol jk.) |
story ends. (Lol jk.) |
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"Look m9, we need to find him or he’s going to kill |
"Look m9, we need to find him or he’s going to kill |
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everyone. |
everyone." Jussiu says. Why is he even here anyway? |
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"Fine. But you owe me a free KFC after this. |
"Fine. But you owe me a free KFC after this." |
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"Ok. |
"Ok." They say as we are teleported to some weird pocket |
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dimension. |
dimension. |
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Meanwhile… (OMINOUS MUSIC.) |
Meanwhile… (OMINOUS MUSIC.) |
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"Firebrand. Have you got the dank good shit? |
"Firebrand. Have you got the dank good shit?" A mysterious |
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figure says. |
figure says. |
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[[File:Pussybriefcase.gif|thumb|261x261px|Breifcase Full O' Pussy (Fleshlights but I'm Lazy) Aka ISpentTooMuchTimeOnMakingGifsForThisThing.gif]] |
[[File:Pussybriefcase.gif|thumb|261x261px|Breifcase Full O' Pussy (Fleshlights but I'm Lazy) Aka ISpentTooMuchTimeOnMakingGifsForThisThing.gif]] |
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"Why yes, I have. |
"Why yes, I have." Firebrand gets a briefcase and opens it, |
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revealing about 50 fleshlights. |
revealing about 50 fleshlights. |
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"Aww yeh dats sum gud shit, gut shit rite dere. |
"Aww yeh dats sum gud shit, gut shit rite dere." The figure |
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walks into the dim light of Whateverthefuck Castle and is revealed to be Dio |
walks into the dim light of Whateverthefuck Castle and is revealed to be Dio |
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Brando. (If you haven’t figured out why the title has Firebrando in it instead |
Brando. (If you haven’t figured out why the title has Firebrando in it instead |
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Line 69: | Line 69: | ||
Now back with the crew. |
Now back with the crew. |
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"So, how do you suppose we should find him? |
"So, how do you suppose we should find him?" I ask everyone |
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in the room. |
in the room. |
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"Well, we can’t ask Slendy because he’s too done with this |
"Well, we can’t ask Slendy because he’s too done with this |
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shit. He walks out like every fucking day. He’s still going through his |
shit. He walks out like every fucking day. He’s still going through his |
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rebellious phase. He’s left the collective like 1000 times already. |
rebellious phase. He’s left the collective like 1000 times already." The |
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Observer says. |
Observer says. |
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"What about Noah? Do you think he could have some sort of |
"What about Noah? Do you think he could have some sort of |
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weird ability that could help us to find where the bastard is? |
weird ability that could help us to find where the bastard is?" |
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"Omg we didn’t think of that! Well done Captain Obvious! |
"Omg we didn’t think of that! Well done Captain Obvious!" |
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Well, it wouldn’t have been the first thing I’d have thought of, but then |
Well, it wouldn’t have been the first thing I’d have thought of, but then |
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again, Allini IS emo, transgender, troll Justin Beiber, so who knows how she |
again, Allini IS emo, transgender, troll Justin Beiber, so who knows how she |
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Line 86: | Line 86: | ||
"Alright guys, stop with the banter. I have an idea as to |
"Alright guys, stop with the banter. I have an idea as to |
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where he could be. |
where he could be." Tim suddenly interrupted the conversation. |
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"Oh yeah? And where would that be? |
"Oh yeah? And where would that be?" Jay questioned Tim. |
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"In YO MOM! |
"In YO MOM!" Oh my fucking God, did he really just drop that |
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diss on us, I really can’t believe that people still find that offensive omfg. |
diss on us, I really can’t believe that people still find that offensive omfg. |
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"OH MASKY, SHOW ME YOUR WAYS! |
"OH MASKY, SHOW ME YOUR WAYS!" Jay said ironically. |
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"Guys, this is serious I’m fucked in a lot of ways if we |
"Guys, this is serious I’m fucked in a lot of ways if we |
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don’t get something done about this. I don’t want to have to confront ‘the |
don’t get something done about this. I don’t want to have to confront ‘the |
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tentacles’ ever again, you got that? |
tentacles’ ever again, you got that?" The Observer yelled. |
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"I WANT TO RIDE THE TENTACLES. |
"I WANT TO RIDE THE TENTACLES." NOPE. DOOM THE TIMELINE; I’M |
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DONE AS FUCK WITH THIS SHIT, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. |
DONE AS FUCK WITH THIS SHIT, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. |
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"Alex, stop. |
"Alex, stop." Jay responded. |
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"No. |
"No." Play every single MLG sound effect you can think of |
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here. |
here. |
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"WILL MY TORMENT NEVER END? |
"WILL MY TORMENT NEVER END?" The Observer raged. |
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This went on for over fifteen minutes before anyone actually |
This went on for over fifteen minutes before anyone actually |
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Line 113: | Line 113: | ||
"Wait. Why don’t we wait for Firebrand to go to Noah and |
"Wait. Why don’t we wait for Firebrand to go to Noah and |
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ambush him then? |
ambush him then?" I suggest. |
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"Alright, we’ll do that, it’s the only good suggestion we’ve |
"Alright, we’ll do that, it’s the only good suggestion we’ve |
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had so far. |
had so far." HABIT replied. |
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"Yeah ok then. |
"Yeah ok then." The Observer agreed. |
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A convenient space-time rift opens and we all jump in. We |
A convenient space-time rift opens and we all jump in. We |
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find ourselves outside of Noah’s house. |
find ourselves outside of Noah’s house. |
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"Everyone shut the fuck up and don’t make a sound. |
"Everyone shut the fuck up and don’t make a sound." I |
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whisper, stepping on a twig in the process. |
whisper, stepping on a twig in the process. |
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"HERE COMES THE SON! |
"HERE COMES THE SON!" The Observer kind of shout whispers. I |
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don’t know the word if there is one, and fuck if I’m searching it up. |
don’t know the word if there is one, and fuck if I’m searching it up. |
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"Shut the fuck up! |
"Shut the fuck up!" HABIT mumbles hatefully. |
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Firebrand walks over to Noah’s house as we all watch from |
Firebrand walks over to Noah’s house as we all watch from |
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the bushes. |
the bushes. |
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"Get ready to fuckin go. |
"Get ready to fuckin go." Jussiu murmurs. |
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"We’re going on a mission, start the countdown. |
"We’re going on a mission, start the countdown." I sing. |
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"5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO! |
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO!" Allini chimes in and we run from the |
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bushes and go into Mr Maxwell’s house. |
bushes and go into Mr Maxwell’s house. |
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Line 144: | Line 144: | ||
cookies in all the rooms. |
cookies in all the rooms. |
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"Imma go find Noah. |
"Imma go find Noah." HABIT says. He goes off and we are left |
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to fend for ourselves. |
to fend for ourselves. |
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"YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD! |
"YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD!" Firebrand rushes out of the |
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corner with Caliborn, Gamzee, Rick, Morty, Toki and Big Da Cat. |
corner with Caliborn, Gamzee, Rick, Morty, Toki and Big Da Cat. |
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"What the fuck is this? Everyone in his group except for Big |
"What the fuck is this? Everyone in his group except for Big |
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Da Cat is awesome as fuck, but nooo, we just had to be put against some of the |
Da Cat is awesome as fuck, but nooo, we just had to be put against some of the |
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dankest ass motherfuckers the multiverse had to offer didn’t we? |
dankest ass motherfuckers the multiverse had to offer didn’t we?" I question |
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everything that is going on. |
everything that is going on. |
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"Kono Dio Da! |
"Kono Dio Da!" I hear a familiar voice. No, tell me it isn’t |
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so! My friend’s senpai walks into the room. Dio, Bitchin’, Brando. |
so! My friend’s senpai walks into the room. Dio, Bitchin’, Brando. |
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"Well we’re fucked time to go. |
"Well we’re fucked time to go." Tim and Jay run out of the |
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room. |
room. |
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"Goodbye everyone, it was nice knowing you. |
"Goodbye everyone, it was nice knowing you." I say, somehow |
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forgetting I have demon powers and could take down at least half of these |
forgetting I have demon powers and could take down at least half of these |
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idiots in 0.9 seconds. |
idiots in 0.9 seconds. |
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Line 172: | Line 172: | ||
Caliborn is knocked to the ground and runs away. |
Caliborn is knocked to the ground and runs away. |
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"So… Are you Egbert or Cena? |
"So… Are you Egbert or Cena?" I ask John. |
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"Cebert. |
"Cebert." Close enough. |
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"OH YEAH BABY LIKE THAT! |
"OH YEAH BABY LIKE THAT!" We all hear coming from the back |
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room. |
room. |
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"I’m done. Everyone retreat. Give these people some privacy. |
"I’m done. Everyone retreat. Give these people some privacy." |
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Firebrand orders. Him and his gang all get into a portal and go back to |
Firebrand orders. Him and his gang all get into a portal and go back to |
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wherever it is that they are going. |
wherever it is that they are going. |
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"SPACE-TIME RIP MASTER RACE YOU PIECE OF ASS! |
"SPACE-TIME RIP MASTER RACE YOU PIECE OF ASS!" Alex shouts |
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into the portal before it closes. Firebrand just sticks up his middle finger at |
into the portal before it closes. Firebrand just sticks up his middle finger at |
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him. |
him. |
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"HABIT, WHEN YOU’RE DONE IN THERE WE’RE GOING! |
"HABIT, WHEN YOU’RE DONE IN THERE WE’RE GOING!" The Observer |
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knocked on the bedroom door, clearly done with this shit. |
knocked on the bedroom door, clearly done with this shit. |
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"In a minute, OH YEAH BABY! |
"In a minute, OH YEAH BABY!" |
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"Well, now I know why his name rhymes with |
"Well, now I know why his name rhymes with rabbit…" The |
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Observer says. |
Observer says. |
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"If you don’t mind, we’re going to go wait outside. |
"If you don’t mind, we’re going to go wait outside." Jussiu |
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tells The Observer. |
tells The Observer. |
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"Go find Tim and Jay while you’re at it. Fucking pussies. |
"Go find Tim and Jay while you’re at it. Fucking pussies." |
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Wow Observer, rude! |
Wow Observer, rude! |
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"Sure, whatever Kev. |
"Sure, whatever Kev." Jussiu goes outside. "TIM, JAY, |
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THERE’S A GAY SEX PARTY GOING ON AND YOU’RE INVITED! |
THERE’S A GAY SEX PARTY GOING ON AND YOU’RE INVITED!" |
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"OH BOY! |
"OH BOY!" Jay comes rushing over with Tim. "Where’s the |
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GSP? |
GSP?" |
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"There isn’t one. |
"There isn’t one." He stops before quietly adding "Unless |
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you want to join in with Noah and |
you want to join in with Noah and Evan…" |
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"Oi, guys get ready to go. |
"Oi, guys get ready to go." I step out onto the porch, |
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getting ready to open a space-time rip instead of one just randomly opening |
getting ready to open a space-time rip instead of one just randomly opening |
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this time. |
this time. |
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"Call me, Noah! |
"Call me, Noah!" HABIT shouts. Noah just looks annoyed. |
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"Yeah, sure |
"Yeah, sure whatev…" He stops mid-sentence. "IT’S YOU, |
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OBSERVER FUCK! |
OBSERVER FUCK!" Great, more conflict that could have been easily avoided. |
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"Aww shit idiot! |
"Aww shit idiot!" (The only reason it was Ok for him to say |
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the N word is because he’s black IRL and as The Observer.) |
the N word is because he’s black IRL and as The Observer.) |
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"So, did anyone else like the chicken, I thought the chicken |
"So, did anyone else like the chicken, I thought the chicken |
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was lovely! |
was lovely!" I say, realising that we hadn’t eaten chicken or anything for that |
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matter and that I had just made the situation 80x more awkward. |
matter and that I had just made the situation 80x more awkward. |
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"Let’s just go. |
"Let’s just go." The Observer says and we all enter the rip |
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in space-time. |
in space-time. |
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"STOP SENDING ME SEXTS YOU ABSOLUTE…! |
"STOP SENDING ME SEXTS YOU ABSOLUTE…!" He couldn’t finish |
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his sentence before the rip closed. |
his sentence before the rip closed. |
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"So… John. You know anything about Dio or Firebrand or |
"So… John. You know anything about Dio or Firebrand or |
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whatever’s going on? |
whatever’s going on?" Allini asks John. |
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"Well, characters from different universes have been going |
"Well, characters from different universes have been going |
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missing and Firebrand has something to do with it. |
missing and Firebrand has something to do with it." |
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"Ok then. But do you know where they are? |
"Ok then. But do you know where they are?" Allini tries to |
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get more answers from John. |
get more answers from John. |
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"Whateverthefuck Castle. That’s where their base is. |
"Whateverthefuck Castle. That’s where their base is." |
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"Alrighty then. So, how are we going to get there? |
"Alrighty then. So, how are we going to get there?" |
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John Cebert summons a giant flying carpet and beckons us |
John Cebert summons a giant flying carpet and beckons us |
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onto it. |
onto it. |
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"Squadala, we’re off! |
"Squadala, we’re off!" He says, as he uses his windy powers |
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to lift the carpet into the air. It’s only two seconds in however, when we |
to lift the carpet into the air. It’s only two seconds in however, when we |
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realise that we’re going to have to teleport in, as the magic carpet is utterly |
realise that we’re going to have to teleport in, as the magic carpet is utterly |
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fucking shit. And it’s raining. |
fucking shit. And it’s raining. |
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"Who’s up for some teleportation space-time bendy bullshit? |
"Who’s up for some teleportation space-time bendy bullshit?" |
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I ask everyone. They all raise their hands, except for John. |
I ask everyone. They all raise their hands, except for John. |
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"You can’t, it’s protected by ‘The Whimsical Magic of the |
"You can’t, it’s protected by ‘The Whimsical Magic of the |
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Fleshlights’. |
Fleshlights’." Ok, first off, why, and second off, what magical qualities could |
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a sex toy possibly possess apart from the ability to make magic in the down |
a sex toy possibly possess apart from the ability to make magic in the down |
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below area? |
below area? |
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"Well fuck. What are we going to do then? I’m presuming no |
"Well fuck. What are we going to do then? I’m presuming no |
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flights go to this area? |
flights go to this area?" I ask John. |
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"Well, we could get on a private jet to North Korea where |
"Well, we could get on a private jet to North Korea where |
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the base is located, but we’ll have to find a way to get out of the jet before |
the base is located, but we’ll have to find a way to get out of the jet before |
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we’re gunned down, as the rest of North Korea is protected by these magical |
we’re gunned down, as the rest of North Korea is protected by these magical |
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plastic vagina holes. |
plastic vagina holes." |
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"Anyone here have time warping powers then? |
"Anyone here have time warping powers then?" The Observer |
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questioned us, but before any of us could answer, he thought of something. "Oh |
questioned us, but before any of us could answer, he thought of something. "Oh |
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yeah, we could ask Slendy to use his powers to warp time, but he might need |
yeah, we could ask Slendy to use his powers to warp time, but he might need |
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some persuasion. |
some persuasion." |
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There’s a short pause. |
There’s a short pause. |
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"I’M NOT BEING THE ONE WHO GETS TENTACLES UP MY BUTTHOLE! |
"I’M NOT BEING THE ONE WHO GETS TENTACLES UP MY BUTTHOLE!" |
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The Observer starts. |
The Observer starts. |
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"ME NEITHER! |
"ME NEITHER!" The rest of us say. The last person to say it |
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was Alex. |
was Alex. |
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"Aww man guys, he already fucks with my mind way too much, I |
"Aww man guys, he already fucks with my mind way too much, I |
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don’t want him fucking with my body either! |
don’t want him fucking with my body either!" Lol well fuk you, take one for da |
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fuckin team, GAWD! |
fuckin team, GAWD! |
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"I have an idea! |
"I have an idea!" Tim intercepts the conversation. "We |
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should get Brian to do it! |
should get Brian to do it!" |
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"Done, deal. He’s probably into that sort of shit anyway. |
"Done, deal. He’s probably into that sort of shit anyway." |
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The Observer shivers. |
The Observer shivers. |
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Line 297: | Line 297: | ||
done is done. |
done is done. |
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"Alright, let’s go all GTA on this shit! |
"Alright, let’s go all GTA on this shit!" Jay shouts as we |
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board a private jet (which we had to sneak on or else we’d be without |
board a private jet (which we had to sneak on or else we’d be without |
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transportation.) In order for this to work, we were going to need to get control |
transportation.) In order for this to work, we were going to need to get control |
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Line 308: | Line 308: | ||
ALLAHU *belch* |
ALLAHU *belch* |
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ACKBAR! WE’RE GONNA TAKE CONTROL OF THIS PLANE AND WE’RE GONNA 9/11 IT UNLESS |
ACKBAR! WE’RE GONNA TAKE CONTROL OF THIS PLANE AND WE’RE GONNA 9/11 IT UNLESS |
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BURNINGTORRENT GETS BETTER GRADES IN MATHS! |
BURNINGTORRENT GETS BETTER GRADES IN MATHS!" Oh FFS Jussiu. We didn’t mean make |
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a Rick and Morty reference. We meant go full ISIS on this bitch! |
a Rick and Morty reference. We meant go full ISIS on this bitch! |
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Line 315: | Line 315: | ||
"GIVE US THE |
"GIVE US THE |
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FUCKING PLANE! |
FUCKING PLANE!" Jussiu shouts. |
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"KKK. |
"KKK." The |
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pilot says as he and his companion go into the main body of the plane. Somehow, |
pilot says as he and his companion go into the main body of the plane. Somehow, |
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all 9 of us manage to fit in the cockpit, and also, Allini knows how to fly an |
all 9 of us manage to fit in the cockpit, and also, Allini knows how to fly an |
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Line 323: | Line 323: | ||
"SLENDY GET |
"SLENDY GET |
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YO BITCH ASS TO WORK AND USE THE TIMEY WARP WARP POWERS RIGHT ABOUT… NOW! |
YO BITCH ASS TO WORK AND USE THE TIMEY WARP WARP POWERS RIGHT ABOUT… NOW!" The |
||
Observer shouts into the phone, just as we are crossing the border to North |
Observer shouts into the phone, just as we are crossing the border to North |
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Korea. Surprisingly, we managed to do it just in time. Any second later, and |
Korea. Surprisingly, we managed to do it just in time. Any second later, and |
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Line 334: | Line 334: | ||
"So, where do |
"So, where do |
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we head now? |
we head now?" Alex inquires. |
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"We can |
"We can |
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teleport now that we’re past the border, so I’ll open up the rift this time. |
teleport now that we’re past the border, so I’ll open up the rift this time." |
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John summons all of his power, and creates an unstable rift, but we should be |
John summons all of his power, and creates an unstable rift, but we should be |
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fine. |
fine. |
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Line 346: | Line 346: | ||
"So, what should we do first, find the trapped characters, |
"So, what should we do first, find the trapped characters, |
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or find Firebrand and Dio? |
or find Firebrand and Dio?" I break the silence. |
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"Find those two mofos. Some of the characters are probably |
"Find those two mofos. Some of the characters are probably |
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really horny from being exposed to the magical fleshlight radiation for too |
really horny from being exposed to the magical fleshlight radiation for too |
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long. Trust me, you don’t want to deal with them when they’re like that, |
long. Trust me, you don’t want to deal with them when they’re like that, |
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especially not while fighting. |
especially not while fighting." |
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"But wait, doesn’t that mean we’ll be affected too? |
"But wait, doesn’t that mean we’ll be affected too?" |
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"If we get going now and defeat all of these motherfuckers, |
"If we get going now and defeat all of these motherfuckers, |
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we should be fine. |
we should be fine." Nobody else says a word, and we just follow John to our |
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destination. I get my weapon out ready, as does everyone else. |
destination. I get my weapon out ready, as does everyone else. |
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"Guys, be quiet, I hear something. |
"Guys, be quiet, I hear something." The Observer says, and |
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we remain quiet. Around the corner, we see… GOLDEN FLESHLIGHTS IN A SUITCASE!? |
we remain quiet. Around the corner, we see… GOLDEN FLESHLIGHTS IN A SUITCASE!? |
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But… Oh my god! What if they’re harnessing energy from the characters and using |
But… Oh my god! What if they’re harnessing energy from the characters and using |
||
Line 365: | Line 365: | ||
(Well other than the obvious, duh!) |
(Well other than the obvious, duh!) |
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"We storm this operation, NOW! |
"We storm this operation, NOW!" I say. Everyone is hesitant, |
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but they all come along eventually. |
but they all come along eventually. |
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We burst into the room. |
We burst into the room. |
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"BANG, BANG IT’S THE POLICE, NOW PREPARE TO DIE FUCKBOIIIIS! |
"BANG, BANG IT’S THE POLICE, NOW PREPARE TO DIE FUCKBOIIIIS!" |
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I shout. |
I shout. |
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"You’re too late, foolish mortals! |
"You’re too late, foolish mortals!" Dio cackles. |
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"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO THOSE POOR CHARACTERS AND |
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO THOSE POOR CHARACTERS AND |
||
WHAT ARE THOOOOSE!? |
WHAT ARE THOOOOSE!?" OK, I know full well what they are, but I want to make a |
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meme joke ok? |
meme joke ok? |
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"Well, the characters are giving us some really dank energy |
"Well, the characters are giving us some really dank energy |
||
to power these special edition gold fleshlights. We are using the fleshlights |
to power these special edition gold fleshlights. We are using the fleshlights |
||
to create a doomsday device, and for… other |
to create a doomsday device, and for… other things…" Firebrand says smugly. |
||
"Ewww, noooo! |
"Ewww, noooo!" Tim says, disgusted. |
||
"Tim, get your mind out of the fucking gutter, we’re using |
"Tim, get your mind out of the fucking gutter, we’re using |
||
them so we can fuse. |
them so we can fuse." |
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"That’s even worse! |
"That’s even worse!" |
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"We’ll do it right now, we’ve been needing to test this. |
"We’ll do it right now, we’ve been needing to test this." |
||
"Dio Sama! |
"Dio Sama!" |
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"Firebrand! |
"Firebrand!" |
||
"DNA DIGIVOLVE TO…! |
"DNA DIGIVOLVE TO…!" There is a flash of blue fire. |
||
[[File:Firebrando.png|thumb|297x297px|"It was me, Firebrando!"]] |
[[File:Firebrando.png|thumb|297x297px|"It was me, Firebrando!"]] |
||
"FIREBRANDO! |
"FIREBRANDO!" Shit. This was going to be one tough fucker to |
||
beat. |
beat. |
||
"Now my minions… RISE! |
"Now my minions… RISE!" Oh no, he did NOT mean those yellow |
||
little shits. |
little shits. |
||
Line 411: | Line 411: | ||
"B-but fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak characters |
"B-but fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak characters |
||
stronger! |
stronger!" All of a sudden, a rainbow coloured blur flashes across the screen |
||
and destroys my Gawd Sword. |
and destroys my Gawd Sword. |
||
"You were saying? |
"You were saying?" Tavrisol and Devdev Booday enter the |
||
scene. |
scene. |
||
Line 426: | Line 426: | ||
minions, and we’re all pretty much defenceless. |
minions, and we’re all pretty much defenceless. |
||
"WHAT ABILITIES DOES EVERYONE HAVE!? |
"WHAT ABILITIES DOES EVERYONE HAVE!?" The Observer shouts. |
||
"I CAN KILL AT LEAST SOME OF THEM OFF WITH MY DEMON POWERS, |
"I CAN KILL AT LEAST SOME OF THEM OFF WITH MY DEMON POWERS, |
||
THE REST OF YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH USELESS, EXCEPT EVAN! |
THE REST OF YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH USELESS, EXCEPT EVAN!" I reply. |
||
"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SHOUTING? |
"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SHOUTING?" Tim also screams at the top |
||
of his lungs. |
of his lungs. |
||
"I DON’T KNOW, BUT WE SHOULD PROBABLY START FIGHTING THEM |
"I DON’T KNOW, BUT WE SHOULD PROBABLY START FIGHTING THEM |
||
NOW! |
NOW!" We dodge the #feminst shirts that were being thrown at us by Anita |
||
Sarkeesian just in time. |
Sarkeesian just in time. |
||
"NO! I CANNOT BE CORRUPTED BY THAT MOVEMENT! |
"NO! I CANNOT BE CORRUPTED BY THAT MOVEMENT!" I yell. Yes I’m |
||
female, no, I am not a feminist because modern feminism is bullshit in my |
female, no, I am not a feminist because modern feminism is bullshit in my |
||
honest opinion. Please don’t make me go on a rant about how it used to be a |
honest opinion. Please don’t make me go on a rant about how it used to be a |
||
Line 479: | Line 479: | ||
favourite Youtuber.) |
favourite Youtuber.) |
||
"No, stop! I run a gaming channel! |
"No, stop! I run a gaming channel!" He pleads. |
||
"No, sorry. Now that I’ve removed the knife you’ll bleed out |
"No, sorry. Now that I’ve removed the knife you’ll bleed out |
||
in a matter of seconds. |
in a matter of seconds." Evan mocks him. |
||
"Well, at least it wasn’t Comic Sans this time. Tell my Ordinary |
"Well, at least it wasn’t Comic Sans this time. Tell my Ordinary |
||
Gamers… I love them! |
Gamers… I love them!" Mooty falls to the ground and I cry for a second before |
||
returning to my battle. |
returning to my battle. |
||
Line 510: | Line 510: | ||
in the chin, before kicking him in the nuts. |
in the chin, before kicking him in the nuts. |
||
"DEEEEEZ NUTS! HAHAH GOT EEEM! |
"DEEEEEZ NUTS! HAHAH GOT EEEM!" Jay said to VC, who |
||
subsequently killed himself because of the shitty meme joke. |
subsequently killed himself because of the shitty meme joke. |
||
Devdev Booday and Tavrisol were against Caliborn and Gamzee. |
Devdev Booday and Tavrisol were against Caliborn and Gamzee. |
||
"DIE AGENDER SCUM! JUST IDENTIFY AS MALE AND YOU’RE AUTOMATICALLY BETTER THAN |
"DIE AGENDER SCUM! JUST IDENTIFY AS MALE AND YOU’RE AUTOMATICALLY BETTER THAN |
||
EVERYONE ELSE! |
EVERYONE ELSE!" Caliborn shouted, shooting bullets at Tavrisol. Devdev Booday |
||
just zoned out. |
just zoned out. |
||
Line 523: | Line 523: | ||
rest of us. |
rest of us. |
||
"I don’t think that motherfucker’s coming back! HONK! |
"I don’t think that motherfucker’s coming back! HONK!" |
||
Gamzee shouted, and everyone started fighting again. |
Gamzee shouted, and everyone started fighting again. |
||
Devdev Booday ran over to Gamzee. |
Devdev Booday ran over to Gamzee. |
||
"WEEEEEESNAAAAAAAW! |
"WEEEEEESNAAAAAAAW!" He shouted as he began to go God Tier. We |
||
all turned to look and pretty much everyone mouthed a silent ‘What the fuck?’ |
all turned to look and pretty much everyone mouthed a silent ‘What the fuck?’ |
||
Line 542: | Line 542: | ||
and shot him in the chest, killing him. |
and shot him in the chest, killing him. |
||
"Hey look, Jay, it’s you! |
"Hey look, Jay, it’s you!" Ok, that was too fucking soon. |
||
(No it wasn’t, it’s been around two years since then, but the feels are still strong.) |
(No it wasn’t, it’s been around two years since then, but the feels are still strong.) |
||
"Lol fuk u Alex. |
"Lol fuk u Alex." Jay retorted. |
||
I know I said that Allini and Jussiu helped us with the |
I know I said that Allini and Jussiu helped us with the |
||
Line 554: | Line 554: | ||
"ALRIGHT GUYS, I THINK WE SHOULD CONBINE ALL OF OUR POWERS |
"ALRIGHT GUYS, I THINK WE SHOULD CONBINE ALL OF OUR POWERS |
||
INTO ONE MASSIVE ATTACK. |
INTO ONE MASSIVE ATTACK." The Observer screeches. |
||
"STOP FUCKING SHOUTING, HE KNOWS OUR PLAN NOW. |
"STOP FUCKING SHOUTING, HE KNOWS OUR PLAN NOW." I also |
||
screech. |
screech. |
||
"Well shit. |
"Well shit." He says. |
||
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. |
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA." |
||
Firebrando, what the fuck? |
Firebrando, what the fuck? |
||
Line 567: | Line 567: | ||
it fails. |
it fails. |
||
"EVERYONE FUCKING |
"EVERYONE FUCKING G…" The Observer is interrupted. |
||
"CHARGE, MY MINIONS! |
"CHARGE, MY MINIONS!" A deep voice is heard. The massive |
||
doors behind us open revealing… SLENDERMAN AND A BUNCH OF MINIONS!? (THIS TIME |
doors behind us open revealing… SLENDERMAN AND A BUNCH OF MINIONS!? (THIS TIME |
||
IT IS THE YELLOW LITTLE SHITS!) |
IT IS THE YELLOW LITTLE SHITS!) |
||
Line 577: | Line 577: | ||
I’m sorry, The Operator, grabs Firebrand with one of his tentacles. |
I’m sorry, The Operator, grabs Firebrand with one of his tentacles. |
||
"You’ve been a very naughty boy Firebrand. |
"You’ve been a very naughty boy Firebrand." Slendy says. |
||
"NO DADDY NOT THE TENTACLES! |
"NO DADDY NOT THE TENTACLES!" Firebrand pleads. |
||
"Yes, the tentacles. EN GARDE! |
"Yes, the tentacles. EN GARDE!" Slendy, Firebrand and the |
||
Minions all run out of the open doors before closing them again. |
Minions all run out of the open doors before closing them again. |
||
"You guys do realise that you now owe me a KFC and a trip to |
"You guys do realise that you now owe me a KFC and a trip to |
||
Alton Towers right? |
Alton Towers right?" |
||
"FUCK! |
"FUCK!" They all shouted. |
||
This was going to be great. |
This was going to be great. |
||
Line 595: | Line 595: | ||
"BT, can we go back in time, I want to ride the Smiler, you |
"BT, can we go back in time, I want to ride the Smiler, you |
||
know, before it crashes. |
know, before it crashes." Jay asks me. |
||
"Fine, but I have no idea where we’ll end up; my powers aren’t |
"Fine, but I have no idea where we’ll end up; my powers aren’t |
||
really time oriented. They’re more spacey. I’ll be able to get us back here |
really time oriented. They’re more spacey. I’ll be able to get us back here |
||
though, because I don’t fucking know, main character plot convenience? |
though, because I don’t fucking know, main character plot convenience?" |
||
"WOOOOOO! |
"WOOOOOO!" Jay shouted, causing everyone in the KFC to look |
||
at us. |
at us. |
||
"Jay, shut the fuck up I have anxiety! |
"Jay, shut the fuck up I have anxiety!" I snap at him. HABIT |
||
bares his knife and basically tells him to stop, and everyone else in the |
bares his knife and basically tells him to stop, and everyone else in the |
||
restaurant gets the message. |
restaurant gets the message. |
||
Line 610: | Line 610: | ||
"Well gee, thanks Evan or HABIT or whatever the fuck you |
"Well gee, thanks Evan or HABIT or whatever the fuck you |
||
are. You’re actually a nice guy, you know, when you’re not getting a raging |
are. You’re actually a nice guy, you know, when you’re not getting a raging |
||
boner from killing everyone! |
boner from killing everyone!" |
||
"KILLING MAKES MY DICK HARD! |
"KILLING MAKES MY DICK HARD!" Oh for fuck’s sake, did he |
||
really have to reference Mutahar’s modded GTA videos? I’m still suffering from |
really have to reference Mutahar’s modded GTA videos? I’m still suffering from |
||
the fact that he’s dead if my theory isn’t true. |
the fact that he’s dead if my theory isn’t true. |
||
"Hey, before we go back in time, do you want to make a prank |
"Hey, before we go back in time, do you want to make a prank |
||
call? |
call?" Tim asks us all. |
||
"FUCK YEAH! |
"FUCK YEAH!" We all yell. |
||
I dial a random number. I get ready to do my best Kermit the |
I dial a random number. I get ready to do my best Kermit the |
||
Line 633: | Line 633: | ||
You need, you need, you need to help me with PC Optimiser Pro! Help me! Yes, |
You need, you need, you need to help me with PC Optimiser Pro! Help me! Yes, |
||
yes you will, yes you will. You will help me! Yes, you wanna. wanna give me a hand |
yes you will, yes you will. You will help me! Yes, you wanna. wanna give me a hand |
||
job in the bathroom? You wanna, you wanna rub the lizard? You wanna, you wanna? |
job in the bathroom? You wanna, you wanna rub the lizard? You wanna, you wanna?" |
||
Memory skillz ftw. Everyone was laughing their asses off despite most f them |
Memory skillz ftw. Everyone was laughing their asses off despite most f them |
||
not getting the reference. |
not getting the reference. |
||
Line 640: | Line 640: | ||
"Lol fuk u den. I’ll have you know that I sexually identify |
"Lol fuk u den. I’ll have you know that I sexually identify |
||
as an attack helicopter. |
as an attack helicopter." |
||
"Oh my god. That was great! NOW TIME TO GO TO BRITISH DIDNEY |
"Oh my god. That was great! NOW TIME TO GO TO BRITISH DIDNEY |
||
WORL! |
WORL!" I open up the rip smack bang in the middle of the KFC, shocking everyone |
||
in there. We all jump through and end up inside Alton Towers. |
in there. We all jump through and end up inside Alton Towers. |
||
"ALRIGHT, FREE SHIT! |
"ALRIGHT, FREE SHIT!" I shout. |
||
"Wow! You ready to go on the Smiler Tim? |
"Wow! You ready to go on the Smiler Tim?" Jay inquires. |
||
"I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right about this. |
"I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right about this." |
||
"JUST DO IT! |
"JUST DO IT!" Jay tries to motivate Tim. |
||
"Like in the Adidas logo? |
"Like in the Adidas logo?" Tim asks him. (Hahey it rhymed! |
||
So proud 2k15 BT for prime minister!) |
So proud 2k15 BT for prime minister!) |
||
"No, like the quote said by M Night Shyamalan. |
"No, like the quote said by M Night Shyamalan." |
||
"This whole conversation is a fucking train wreck. It’s like |
"This whole conversation is a fucking train wreck. It’s like |
||
a metaphorical Titanic that hit a metaphorical iceberg. Or just a metaphorical |
a metaphorical Titanic that hit a metaphorical iceberg. Or just a metaphorical |
||
9/11, but that’s WAY too offensive for PG 13. |
9/11, but that’s WAY too offensive for PG 13." I say to the two idiots. |
||
"Since when the hell was this trying to be PG 13? |
"Since when the hell was this trying to be PG 13?" The |
||
Observer questions me. |
Observer questions me. |
||
"When Devdev Booday attempted to grind on Gamzee, when else? |
"When Devdev Booday attempted to grind on Gamzee, when else?" |
||
Tavrisol replies. |
Tavrisol replies. |
||
"WEEEEEEESNAAAAAAW! |
"WEEEEEEESNAAAAAAW!" Devdev weesnaws. |
||
"You know what, fuck this, we’ll meet up at this spot in an |
"You know what, fuck this, we’ll meet up at this spot in an |
||
hour from now, let’s go! |
hour from now, let’s go!" We all get into groups of four and set off. I go with |
||
HABIT, Jay and Tim (really fucking good idea, I know.) Jussiu, Allini, Alex and |
HABIT, Jay and Tim (really fucking good idea, I know.) Jussiu, Allini, Alex and |
||
John go off in another, and Tavrisol, Devdev and The Observer make a threesome. |
John go off in another, and Tavrisol, Devdev and The Observer make a threesome. |
||
Line 679: | Line 679: | ||
"So, I’ll wait for you guys while you’re on The Smiler. |
"So, I’ll wait for you guys while you’re on The Smiler. |
||
After all, you might need saving quickly if anything goes wrong, we don’t know |
After all, you might need saving quickly if anything goes wrong, we don’t know |
||
where we are in space-time, so yeah. |
where we are in space-time, so yeah." They all go to queue up, but HABIT gets |
||
impatient and wields his knife, making people move out of the way. Also, |
impatient and wields his knife, making people move out of the way. Also, |
||
EverymanHYBRID fangirls (and even some fanboys) were chanting something along |
EverymanHYBRID fangirls (and even some fanboys) were chanting something along |
||
the lines of: "FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME HARD, FUCK ME HARD! |
the lines of: "FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME EVAN, FUCK ME HARD, FUCK ME HARD!" Which |
||
is actually shocking because I would’ve though more people would be yelling for |
is actually shocking because I would’ve though more people would be yelling for |
||
Tim, considering the fact Marble Hornets is well, the most fucking popular |
Tim, considering the fact Marble Hornets is well, the most fucking popular |
||
Line 689: | Line 689: | ||
"If you want me to stab and penetrate you with this knife, |
"If you want me to stab and penetrate you with this knife, |
||
then stand in my way! |
then stand in my way!" At this, everyone went quiet and allowed the three of |
||
them to get to the front of the line. |
them to get to the front of the line. |
||
Line 697: | Line 697: | ||
"Firebrand is here, Firebrand is near, Firebrand is blazing |
"Firebrand is here, Firebrand is near, Firebrand is blazing |
||
it in your ear. |
it in your ear." They felt someone teleport next to them. |
||
"FIREBRAND?! But, I thought Slendy was tenta-fucking you! |
"FIREBRAND?! But, I thought Slendy was tenta-fucking you!" |
||
The Observer was confused. Slendy never let HIM off that easily, and he was |
The Observer was confused. Slendy never let HIM off that easily, and he was |
||
probably the most loyal member of the fucking Collective. |
probably the most loyal member of the fucking Collective. |
||
"He went back to Brian. |
"He went back to Brian." Tim and his smart ideas… |
||
"Well, now that you’re here, I guess we should put our |
"Well, now that you’re here, I guess we should put our |
||
differences aside and ride the Rapids together. |
differences aside and ride the Rapids together." Tavrisol says. |
||
"I was going to anyway. |
"I was going to anyway." The four of them got in the queue |
||
and got ready to go on. |
and got ready to go on. |
||
Line 715: | Line 715: | ||
Jussiu Strolt, and Allini Preyer. |
Jussiu Strolt, and Allini Preyer. |
||
"You know I really wanna fuck Jay so much at the moment. |
"You know I really wanna fuck Jay so much at the moment." |
||
Ok, the first sentence is invigorating, and totally not an overused conversation |
Ok, the first sentence is invigorating, and totally not an overused conversation |
||
starter in Trollpasta. |
starter in Trollpasta. |
||
"You know I really wanna ride Oblivion at the moment. I |
"You know I really wanna ride Oblivion at the moment. I |
||
mean, shut the fuck up about your overactive penis. |
mean, shut the fuck up about your overactive penis." Jussiu spits at Alex. |
||
"Alright guys, calm down, tone the sexual tension down a |
"Alright guys, calm down, tone the sexual tension down a |
||
bit, we need to do something before this hour is up. |
bit, we need to do something before this hour is up." John reminds everyone. |
||
"Well let’s go fucking ride Oblivion then before a certain |
"Well let’s go fucking ride Oblivion then before a certain |
||
fan troll has an emotional breakdown. |
fan troll has an emotional breakdown." Allini sort of changes the topic, but at |
||
the same time, kinda makes the situation worse. |
the same time, kinda makes the situation worse. |
||
Line 745: | Line 745: | ||
crash into each other. |
crash into each other. |
||
"I really fucked up this time! |
"I really fucked up this time!" I yell at myself. |
||
I use my telepathy to save HABIT, Tim and Jay from the |
I use my telepathy to save HABIT, Tim and Jay from the |
||
wreckage, because fuck everyone else. |
wreckage, because fuck everyone else. |
||
"HEY, WE WERE ENJOYING THAT! |
"HEY, WE WERE ENJOYING THAT!" HABIT shouts. |
||
"Well sorry, but Tim did say BEFORE it crashed, he didn’t |
"Well sorry, but Tim did say BEFORE it crashed, he didn’t |
||
specify how long before and I can’t do anything about that shit anyway! |
specify how long before and I can’t do anything about that shit anyway!" |
||
HABIT grabs his knife and goes on a massive killing spree. |
HABIT grabs his knife and goes on a massive killing spree. |
||
"Fuck this, I’m done. If any of you are ready to leave, come |
"Fuck this, I’m done. If any of you are ready to leave, come |
||
through this rip, it won’t close until all of you are back. |
through this rip, it won’t close until all of you are back." I leave through |
||
the rip and shit goes downhill from there. |
the rip and shit goes downhill from there. |
||
Line 764: | Line 764: | ||
Rapids. |
Rapids. |
||
"Well shit, looks like it’s time for me to go, bye for now! |
"Well shit, looks like it’s time for me to go, bye for now!" |
||
Firebrand leaves all of them behind and teleports back to the Collective base. |
Firebrand leaves all of them behind and teleports back to the Collective base. |
||
"I’m reforming ISIS, and you’re the bomber, Jussiu. |
"I’m reforming ISIS, and you’re the bomber, Jussiu." Allini |
||
murmurs to Jussiu. |
murmurs to Jussiu. |
||
"I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR OVERUSED BOMB JOKES! |
"I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR OVERUSED BOMB JOKES!" Jussiu booms, |
||
before warping back in time with Allini to sometime before the events of |
before warping back in time with Allini to sometime before the events of |
||
Hamstuk Fenfec. |
Hamstuk Fenfec. |
||
"I’m out, bye bitches. |
"I’m out, bye bitches." The Observer goes back with |
||
Firebrand. |
Firebrand. |
||