Gabe Newell's Burger Empire: Difference between revisions
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imported>Polaski (Created page with "I was only 12, i was fat and my entire face was covered in pimples. I was a Dota 2 player and masturbated 4 times a day. One day i opened steam and saw a steam sale, then my p...") |
imported>Polaski (Divided it into paragraphs) |
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I was only 12, i was fat and my entire face was covered in pimples. I was a Dota 2 player and masturbated 4 times a day. One day i opened steam and saw a steam sale, then my parents' wallet exploded with money and i was injured and sent to a hospital. After a few months of recovering in an ICU (it was completely normal, happened to me during every past steam sale) i noticed a weird game. It was called "Gabe Newell's Burger Empire" the picture of the game in steam was of Gabe Newell eating burgers and giving some to children with a black tinted van in an alleyway, to lure and kidnap them (I assumed that because i was very experienced for my age). |
I was only 12, i was fat and my entire face was covered in pimples. I was a Dota 2 player and masturbated 4 times a day. One day i opened steam and saw a steam sale, then my parents' wallet exploded with money and i was injured and sent to a hospital. After a few months of recovering in an ICU (it was completely normal, happened to me during every past steam sale) i noticed a weird game. It was called "Gabe Newell's Burger Empire" the picture of the game in steam was of Gabe Newell eating burgers and giving some to children with a black tinted van in an alleyway, to lure and kidnap them (I assumed that because i was very experienced for my age). |
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So i thought, "Huh, this seems like a fun game, i always wanted to be Gaben! And i always wanted to own a burger empire! This seems like a perfect gaem for me!". |
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So i stole my parents' new wallet and added it to the cart. Steam was laggy as fuck at the moment, it was like it was trying to tell me not to buy it, |
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it loaded after 2 days (yes electricity bills are this cheap here) and i was sent to the transaction screen. So i bought it. |
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I thought this was just a glitch so i continued, then it showed the standard download preparation window, the game weighed 666 MB. |
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It would take me an eternity to download all that shit because i used to live in a shithole with no fast internet connection. |
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Decades have passed, i'm now 70 years old, it finally finished downloading. |
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So i launched the fucking game. |
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I was greeted by a title screen where Gabe Newell was eating a burger somewhere in the middle of a forest during the night, with a hole in the ground and a shovel behind him. |
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I thought that was an oversight and the game developers didn't pay much attention to the box art. |
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There were 5 options in the menu, "New Game", "Continue", "Delete a Save File", "Options", and "Quit". |
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I eagerly, swiftly, quickly, blindly clicked "New Game", a cutscene of Gabe Newell played, where he was cooking a burger. |
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I was creeped and terrified at the same time, then something gave me the idea that this was not a glitched game, BUT A BROKEN, UNFINISHED ONE! |
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⚫ | Then i started hearing footsteps under my window, and it started smelling like sweat. But then i remembered what happened 70 years ago - Steam threatened to rape me if i play this game. I got extremely scared, so i rolled up another blunt and chilled the fuck out. After that i felt the smell of burgers mixed with the horrendous smell of sweat. Then that person broke into my house, went up the stairs and started banging on my door, i got scared so much, i shat my pants. The person broke the door. |
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So i thought, "Huh, this seems like a fun game, i always wanted to be Gaben! And i always wanted to own a burger empire! This seems like a perfect gaem for me!". So i stole my parents' new wallet and added it to the cart. Steam was laggy as fuck at the moment, it was like it was trying to tell me not to buy it, it loaded after 2 days (yes electricity bills are this cheap here) and i was sent to the transaction screen. |
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and pulled me to his van, i woke up in a hole in the ground, in the middle of a forest, during night, then the motherfucker started burying me alive. After he was done, i heard himp |
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I thought this was just a glitch so i continued, then it showed the standard download preparation window, the game weighed 666 MB. It would take me an eternity to download all that shit because i used to live in a shithole with no fast internet connection. Decades have passed, i'm now 70 years old, it finally finished downloading. |
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The end! |
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So i launched the fucking game. I was greeted by a title screen where Gabe Newell was eating a burger somewhere in the middle of a forest during the night, with a hole in the ground and a shovel behind him. I thought that was an oversight and the game developers didn't pay much attention to the box art. There were 5 options in the menu, "New Game", "Continue", "Delete a Save File", "Options", and "Quit". I eagerly, swiftly, quickly, blindly clicked "New Game", a cutscene of Gabe Newell played, where he was cooking a burger. |
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⚫ | I was creeped and terrified at the same time, then something gave me the idea that this was not a glitched game, BUT A BROKEN, UNFINISHED ONE! So i rolled up a blunt and smoked some weed to chill the fuck oat for like 5-10 minutes before the black screen turned into a terrifying picture of Gaben, he was all in what seemed like HYPER REALISTIC blood, but i didn't give a shit because i was high. |
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⚫ | Then i started hearing footsteps under my window, and it started smelling like sweat. But then i remembered what happened 70 years ago - Steam threatened to rape me if i play this game. I got extremely scared, so i rolled up another blunt and chilled the fuck out. After that i felt the smell of burgers mixed with the horrendous smell of sweat. Then that person broke into my house, went up the stairs and started banging on my door, i got scared so much, i shat my pants. The person broke the door. |
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<nowiki> </nowiki> The end. ok? |