Gran Teft Otto Sicks
So, one day, I walk into my office. My boss tells me that he wants me to test out Grand Theft Auto VI (six) for him. He tells me that it is the most revolutionary game of all time. I think, "Yeah, right, what a dick". I know that Mario and Nintendo's games are still better. But when he tells me that he will give me a million dollars, I think otherwise.
So I get into the testing room with a huge TV. My boss points to a pair of earplugs and tells me to put them on. I do, but I get sucked into the game. I hyper-realistically yell, "damn you!" at the boss, but he doesn't hear me. Suddenly, I look at myself and notice that I am a cartoon. I cannot control myself though, I can only look around, spectating.
Suddenly, I start to run. I cannot control myself, and I am cursing in my mind. I see myself running up to a random hooker, and I pull out a knife and stab her and start teabagging her corpse. I feel crazed inside. Then, I take a car from a fat black woman and start backing over her repeatedly until she dies. Then, I hear sirens. Apparently, a whole army of police are coming after me, even though if I was in real life, I knew that I would only face one or two cars. Then, I start to run away.
Hours later, I have finally escaped the police. I have run so much and my legs feel like coming off. However, like I said, I cannot control them, only a random force can. I feel horrible, but to make matters worse, I start running towards a strip club for some reason named after a type of ice cream and a type of horse. I enter and see a hyperrealistically small-boobed woman start taking her bra off and start dancing. My hands start touching her hips repeatedly before a Mexican guy says that there is a "no touching" rule. When the Mexican leaves, the dance ends, and I am forced to take the woman "home".
I uncontrollably and viciously bang her. It is incredibly horrible, and it goes on for hours. I repeatedly go in and out, and now I regret playing this game. Maybe GTA does make you hate yourself. But this new game is horrible. Then, I hear something in the headphones.
"How do you like my game?", I hear someone say. Oh my god, it was my boss! I feel like punching him, but I instead feel something in my penis. Oh shit! I felt something come out, and I look, and find blue liquids! DAMMIT!
"This is revenge!" my boss yells at me. Revenge for what? I didn't know. All I felt was STDs, and it sucked. No pun intended.
"Stop, I beg!" I yelled. "Why do you hate me?"
"You hacked my World of Warcraft account!" he yelled.
I wanted to punch him, but I had a heart attack because I couldn't do anything about it. I died. Yes, I am telling you this story. I am dead, and when you die in the game, you die in real life. You cannot live without your brain, once said Laurence Fishburne in a sci-fi. Right now, I am alive for some reason. Don't ask me how, ask the other people in other ridiculous stories. They can somehow tell you guys about their crappy tale. This story has told me one thing: GTA and WoW can make you lose your mind.
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