This is a sequel/semi-sequel to Life Savers. It could be considered a horrible troll pasta. Caution: lots of swearing
Out of every 100 - Ah hell fuck it. I'm not going to have one of my wise guys tell you with their fancy fucking words and their fucked up bullshit. This time, I'ma gonna tell you myself. So here's the deal. My name is Sid Lemons (no I did not go on those fucking find people sites. I made it up. Why the hell should I tell you my real name?) and I've been a consumer of Life Savers Gummies since 1997 (I was born in 1992 mind you). Everyday, I would eat a single life saver, chew it up real good (except on Saturdays and special occasions. I'd eat the whole damn package. Literally). Yeah, I'm obsessed. So what? I love the taste. But especially that damn Wild Berries flavor. Yummy! I have been eating those ever since they came out.
Or should I say, had. You see, one day, I ran out of them. I begged my mum to get me sum more but she said something along the lines of "I can't guarantee it". But she did offer me gummi bears. Oh hell I thought. Those ugly things... what kind of sick fuck eats food shaped like bears? Bears are friends, not food, all shapes and all sizes. But hell, I was hungry at the time so I accepted. She brought me a bowl of them. The odd thing is, I have no fucking idea where she got it even to this day. So yeah, I took the bowl and looked at the gummies. Damn these bears. They were the classic ones. Cute and innocent you say? I fucking think not. So I picked one up. And ate it. I never, never should have eaten it. You'll find out real soon why you should never eat these cute little creatures - wtf did I just say.. they're growing on me damn it!
The next few days, I started.. well um experimenting with them. I would stretch them, tear off their heads, and bite their cute fucking little arms and legs before devouring their entire bodies. It never occurred to me that I was violating my moral principles. While I was watching movies with my dad, I would show him a gummi bear and the next thing he saw would be a torn up one. He laughed along with me. Good times man, good times. But all good things... come to a fucking end. One day, I asked my mum for another bowl of gummi bears. This time, I found a deformed gummi bear. Two of them actually, but the second one is lost.
Here's a picture of the first one; it's red.
My polaroid camera is crap so I had to use my cell phone's camera and a flashlight. It might not look like much, but it had a deformed right ear. I ate it after taking the picture. It was damn good too. But yeah, after I ate it, I got severe ear pain on my left ear and would find my right ear sweating all day long. I would also hear what is known as tinnitus. Nothing serious right? It got worse. Voices. Voices telling me to cut my ear off, pierce it, do all sort of fucked up things to it. Hell, they're talking to me right now.
You might be wondering what's so scary about this shit? I'll tell you why. I found another one, buried at the bottom of the bowl. It was yellow, but it was missing a face. Remember I mentioned two deformed gummies? Yeah, this was it. Instead of gobbling this up, I intended to study it and take a picture in the morning so I just left it there. But damn it, it was the last one in the bowl. I had to taste it. So I started nibbling on its feet. Nothing bad right? But then, then I ate it's entire lower half! As I mentioned, I wanted to take a picture in the morning with sunlight so I didn't finish the rest. I regret this, no really. I went to sleep late but nothing bad happened. Or so I thought. When I went to bed, I heard what sounded like my closet door sliding. I inspected it, and it was indeed open. I don't remember opening it all and I don't recall anyone entering my room. So I walked up to it and reached out to close it and... and... I closed it. What? You thought a skeleton would pop out? So I went to sleep with a little superstitious paranoia and I dismissed the noises as demons, ghosts, boogiemen, shadow people, beks, etc. (did I forget to mention I have watched over 150 horror films without fear?) and went off to bed.
When I woke up the next morning, the gummi bear and the bowl with it was gone! I asked my dad what happened to it and he said he threw it away. Was I sad? You bet. Also, I had this terrible itch on my left arm in the morning. But that's not so bad and nothing bad was gonna happen right? Wrong. When I went outside to check the mailbox, I noticed something on the ground, slightly obscurred by random papers, paper ads, and this one fucked up message to a guy named Santa Claus (heh, I had to read it. Read of a lifetime! LOL).
So yeah, there was a severed ear. The blood was fresh. I also noticed a trail of blood that ended in the middle of the road. I called the cops, they came, they did forensics, and guess what, it turns out that someone's head had been decapitated by a fast moving car. 2 of them actually. A drunkard was lying on the ground, passed out when the car went over him. His face and ear were torn off, his neck was smashed, and his body cut in half. But the other half was never found. That's the weird thing. So yeah, they told me to stay inside while they investigated.
Next day, 9:00 PM. I was watching SpongeBob, a classic episode of course, when I heard a knocking on my window. I initially assumed that it was the delivery person and ignored it, but it started getting harder and more violent. I swear, the guy could have broken my window. Well actually, there was no guy. I looked outside. Nobody there. A prank? Nope. I live in a place with neighbors who are always out until 12:00 AM. Who knows what they're up to during the day... As for my parents, they sleep in another house (you know why). I heard it again at 10:00 and then at 11:00. I was starting to get pissed at this point so I told them, go fuck yourself. B-I-G mistake. At midnight, I started hearing weird shrieking outside. Then I started hearing footsteps on my roof. Was I scared? Damn right. I got my shotgun, went outside, and fired a few rounds. Let's just say I had to deal with sirens for the rest of the night.
Next day, 7:00 AM. My mum and dad returned and were very concerned. I didn't respond to them and they left me. They haven't visited me for some time now. They probably think I'm crazy. But I'm not. I know what I heard. I have good hearing, even when I wear this freakin God damn Peltor earphone. It hurts like hell to wear. But it's necessary. I still hear them. Anyways, the real scary shit began in my dreams. I-I was in my kitchen, it wasn't well lit for some reason, playing with gummi bears like they were dolls or something. They all had these smiles on their faces and there was nothing scary about them. But then I looked towards the kitchen closet. I wish I hadn't. There was blood on the floor when I came near. I opened the door and yep, you guessed it. The dead guy's other half was in here. And next to him was that faceless gummi bear.
When I woke up, I went to my kitchen and found the faceless gummi bear in the closet. And I ate it. I had to end it. You damn bastard bear, I knew it was you. Several years later, I'm homeless (I gambled it all away), I have no job, no family, and worst of all, I'm an alcoholic. It's no surprise that I jumped in front of a fast moving car. That dead guy I mentioned earlier? No, he wasn't me. This is not about paradox or chaos theory. That would be silly. His other half was found several days after the disaster. They had found the remnants of a faceless gummi bear in his stomach.
So here I am, dead and dying (actually just dead but you know what I mean). The curse of the deformed gummi bears is real and true. I just wish I had more time to... well you know, get acquainted with you. I am a faceless ghost after all. I'll be watching you in this nice comfy package among my cousins or in your damn sweet bowl lying at the bottom relaying my voice and my very soul to your thick little head, resting on your kitchen counter or table staring at you while you sleep. But especially in your big juicy mouth or on your hot fiery tongue you swearing fuck. I'll be waiting to caress your taste buds, tickling your throat until you bleed...
Credited to Sliding Ghost
Originally uploaded on August 22, 2011
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