HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH: Difference between revisions
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"Master, look out!" |
"Master, look out!" |
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Dobby's groinsaw screamed as it flew off the armor, rocketing through the air like an early dream of mankind. It flew through three astronauts who dropped their hellspears as the saw cut a hole in the ground beneath them so they fell to hell and the demonic spheres |
Dobby's groinsaw screamed as it flew off the armor, rocketing through the air like an early dream of mankind. It flew through three astronauts who dropped their hellspears as the saw cut a hole in the ground beneath them so they fell to hell and the demonic spheres torture them to this day. |
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Harry was about to eat his cabbagewich when a man in a tuxedo appeared from behind nothing much. He stood ten feet tall and his head seemed wrapped in unwrappable darkness. |
Harry was about to eat his cabbagewich when a man in a tuxedo appeared from behind nothing much. He stood ten feet tall and his head seemed wrapped in unwrappable darkness. |
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"I am |
"I am Rave Radbury. I write critically acclaimed fiction that always turns into fact. That's why I have more money than anyone." |
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Harry dug a bit of cartilage out of the cabbagewich and continued chewing. |
Harry dug a bit of cartilage out of the cabbagewich and continued chewing. |
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"You shouldn't believe what everyone says about me. I took a shower with my cousin, once. And I have racist thoughts." |
"You shouldn't believe what everyone says about me. I took a shower with my cousin, once. And I have racist thoughts." |
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A nibbet of yellow cartilage landed on |
A nibbet of yellow cartilage landed on Rave's shoe. He thought about his cousin. |
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Harry awoke to the throaty grumble of a |
Harry awoke to the throaty grumble of a fuck ape. |
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Not ''a'' |
Not ''a'' fuck ape, but ''the'' fuck ape, the last of his kind after the subjugation of the fuckforest. His people once graced the canopy, their penile digits proudly grasping the vines as they swung through the night, their hundreds of sweaty simian dongs trailing a now-fetid memory in the fuck ape's watering eye. As his ocular ducts began to well with ancestral pride, so too did the countless meaty members sprouting from the fuck ape's every hairy inch. From his eye sockets, ear holes, even his calloused toes, a penile font of cry-juice birthed a deluge. |
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Harry observed this with consternation, as he was tied to a table. Neither magic nor supracosmic strength would free him from his bonds. Had this creature access to an unknown material of deistic strength? Or did the |
Harry observed this with consternation, as he was tied to a table. Neither magic nor supracosmic strength would free him from his bonds. Had this creature access to an unknown material of deistic strength? Or did the fuck ape have a secret yet more baffling? |
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Harry squinted so he could see the subatomic strings of the ropes. He began tossing antimatter at them with his mind as a group of |
Harry squinted so he could see the subatomic strings of the ropes. He began tossing antimatter at them with his mind as a group of men entered the fuck ape's hiding place. They were well-groomed and impeccably attired, and there were 5.8 of them, just enough to represent an array of genders and races that would leave no one unhappy, save for the Eskimos. They were on their own, as far as the fuck ape was concerned. |
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"Why do you cry, |
"Why do you cry, fuck ape?" asked man 3.2. |
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The |
The fuck ape, unwilling to hide its greasy primate cock tears, hung its head, and gravity coaxed the eye wangers downward. It tied them together into a bow atop its head, to be pretty for its guests. |
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"We are bound in this ligature of lingam, brother |
"We are bound in this ligature of lingam, brother fuck ape," said man 4.6. |
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The |
The men surrounded fuck ape, holding their hands, and began to sing. Harry was transfixed as he watched the men, gently swaying with the song, float skyward. The little ones began to orbit the fuck ape, who was convulsing as though stricken by the seizure devil. As the song increased in tempo the manflesh bubbled and merged into a spinning wonder turbine. The fleshy manmass sprouted hair and groin dribblers just like the fuck ape, and sprayed confetti into skies of past and future, setting the constellations aflame with the opalescent of the perished fuck apes. An explosion of color and hair left Harry Potter alone and still bound. He thought about sandwiches. |
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The hat travels into space. It finds itself before the sun. It is a tiny dot before the immensity of the cosmic fire. The hat trembles. A tremendous rainbow issues forth, embracing the sun like a wedding vow. The fire cools and deadens. A chocolate tidal wave roars from its poles and meets at the center. On earth, the skies blacken. The flowers turn to dust. Humanity expires silently, like an infant in its crib. The hat drifts through space, dreamless. |
The hat travels into space. It finds itself before the sun. It is a tiny dot before the immensity of the cosmic fire. The hat trembles. A tremendous rainbow issues forth, embracing the sun like a wedding vow. The fire cools and deadens. A chocolate tidal wave roars from its poles and meets at the center. On earth, the skies blacken. The flowers turn to dust. Humanity expires silently, like an infant in its crib. The hat drifts through space, dreamless. |
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[[Category:Bad Fanfiction]] |
[[Category:Bad Fanfiction]] |
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[[Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!]] |
[[Category:Look at me! I'm SO EDGY!]] |
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[[Category:Pointless Violence]] |
[[Category:Pointless Violence]] |
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[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]] |
[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]] |
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[[Category:The Title Is A Lie]] |
[[Category:The Title Is A Lie]] |
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[[Category:Title that makes babbies laugh]] |
[[Category:Title that makes babbies laugh]] |
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{{Comments}} |
{{Comments}} |